[answering machine message] Hi, you've reached Kelly. Please leave a message at the tone. If you're a girl calling for Bud: Hi, Mom.
S10 E26The Joke's On Al
[Jefferson has just came into the Bundy house with sweats on, covering a toilet seat stuck to butt.]
Mark my words, Al. As soon as I can sit down and think of something, you will pay.
[Al, Bud and Kelly laughs at Jefferson as he tries to exit the Bundy Home.]
S11 E1Twisted
WWoman
Look: I'm a 5, and you are going to sell me a 5 if I have to sit here all night.
So because you're mad at me, you're gonna take it out on a perfectly innocent chair? A chair that has suffered enough already.
WWoman
Well, I have just about had enough of you.
Well, you wouldn't say that if I came with fries and a medium drink. You know, medium: the size between small and you.
Peggy, Kelly, as your civil defense block captain, I'm taking charge. You are to follow my orders without asking any questions.
So we're supposed to act like Mr. Darcy?
I can't believe you're still upset about that little practical joke.
You sent me to Death Row.
You made a few close friends. And they gave you a cool nickname, Black Beauty.
Mrs. Black Beauty.
You said you wanted to remarry.
Yeah but not to a 250-pound Filipino.
Since when are you prejudiced?
They strapped me in the electric chair.
We would have rescued you sooner, but when you order a burger well-done, it oughta come well-done.
You've only got time to take your most prized possession.
Can I take two?
Can I get a little help here?
S11 E2Children of the Corns
Have you seen my lucky audition blouse?
What's it look like?
See-through. Maybe that's why I can't find it.
Uh, honey, why don't you stay home and bowl me over?
Because, Peg, I prefer a place where my balls are returned properly.
S11 E3Kelly's Got A Habit
SASketch Artist
So you were robbed by a pirate who looks like Brad Pitt? Are you sure this is who we're looking for?
Well, he's who I'm looking for.
Al, I thought we agreed you weren't going to carry a gun.
Don't worry. I know how to handle this thing.
That's what he said on our honeymoon.
S11 E4Requiem For A Chevyweight (1)
Look, Al, God forbid she doesn't make it -- the important thing is you get right back on the horse.
Well, thanks, Jefferson, but how's sex with my wife gonna make me feel any better?
See, that car has been with us in good times and bad times.
And when are we getting to the good times?
When you're on life support.
S11 E5Requiem For A Chevyweight (2)
You never bring me flowers.
I would if you died.
CCal
Did you play pro ball?
Well, I could have, but I had a career ending accident.
CCal
Knee?
Marriage.
S11 E6A Bundy Thanksgiving
You know, Peg, I hate to be a needy husband, a demanding husband and your husband, but where the hell is my pie tin?
Why don't you check under the couch where I keep all the other dirty dishes?
Once again Peg, way to home make. See now, I can't quite reach.
Here, wanna try my bonbon retriever?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Married... with Children pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.