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S6

Malcolm in the Middle · Season 6

“Living Will” quotes from Malcolm in the Middle

3 quotes

“Living Will” · Season 6

In this episode: Lois (3), Malcolm (1), Reese (1), Hal (1), Dewey (1)

[Hal and Lois sit in front of a fireplace looking through photos]

Oh, I remember this! This is Reese's fifth birthday!

And this must be Christmas that same year.

[The viewer sees an X-ray showing a candy cane stuffed five inches into the nasal cavity, hook-first]

He grew up so fast!

Oh, he sure did. Here's Malcolm's first day at school.

[The viewer sees another X-ray of the pelvic region with a toy truck in between the hips]

Remember when we lost Dewey at the flea market?

[The viewer sees yet another X-ray of the chest region with a wristwatch embedded in the middle of it]

[holds out wrist] Still keeps great time.

Want to go through the arrest reports?

I'll pour some more wine.

[Lois has just picked up a paralyzed Hal from the hospital and brought him home, concerning the boys.]

What's wrong with him?

The doctors call it Hysterical Conversion Disorder. It's psychosomatic. Apparently he's paralyzed from the waist up.

The waist up?!

[Lois is frustrated as Hal moves around, clearly in distress]

Dad, what is it?

[Lois taps his head and he immediately calms down. He begins petting her leg with his foot.]

I think he's thanking you.

[Hal continues pretending to have Hysterical Conversion Disorder as he continues using his feet and rips off sheets of toilet paper]

It's been four days, Hal. I tried to be patient, but this has gone on long enough. You have to snap out of it. Look I admit you've been resourceful and you've learned to do so many things. And the sex has been interesting.

[She walks in as Hal is now using his feet to put toothpaste on his to his toothbrush]

But you can't go on living like this. Don't think I don't know what this is all about. You're trying to avoid making this decision. This isn't going to work and frankly this is beneath you. It's the coward's way out, Hal. You don't think I don't like a paralyzed vacation. Everyone waiting on me hand and foot. You know what? It doesn't work that way. You can't keep making up ridiculous illnesses to get out of what you don't want to do.

[sees Hal pulling out a long thread of dental floss to floss his teeth]

Oh for God's sake. Do you have any idea how insane you're acting? I'm just glad your boys aren't here to see this.

[sees Hal raise his feet to floss his teeth]

Oh Hal, you changed Jamie's diapers with those feet.

[she leaves disgusted]

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