Scenes with Jumba 97
[Lilo and Stitch take Dupe to their house]
JumbaHmm, here is experiment I have not been seeing in a long time.
Jumba
Experiment 344 is duplicator. It can make multiple copies of anyone or anything. Designed to make infinite number of weapons. [Stitch looks at Dupe's antenna while having a lollipop] Careful of the antenna, 626. You might duplicate yourself.
Oh, yeah! [uses Dupe's antenna to clone a lollipop for Lilo and then makes him clone an entire stack of cakes so he could chow down]
Cool! All the lollipops you can eat! [tastes her lollipop] Mmm, good... but there's something different. Is this low-cal?
Jumba
Yes. Experiment 344 was failure. Duplicates were not as powerful as original.
[Stitch finishes off the stack of cakes]
Better watch out, Stitch, or you'll lose your girlish figure.
Jumba
Eh, actually, no. Duplicates have less than original of everything, including fat and calories.
[barges in dressed as a park ranger] Hold everything! As official adult guardian of your slumber party tonight, I don't want that thing wreaking havoc! Nani put me in charge while she's gone, and I'm not letting her down! I got everything planned: pillow fight at 6:00, toenail painting at 7:00, aromatherapy facial's at 8 bells, gossiping about boys will be sprinkled about as spontaneous intervals.
What about light as a feather, stiff as a board?
Hmm, inducing levitation. Shouldn't take longer than a half hour. I'll pencil ya in at 6:30.
[Jumba returns and shrinks Stitch to his normal size to fight Shortstuff]
I know I could use some practice, but if you need a substitute evil genius again, I...
Jumba
Oh, no! You are like 626, best made for one true purpose.
You mean being a high-ranking official in the Galactic Alliance?
Jumba
No, I mean disguising self like ugly Earth female! [laughs] "Official!"
[Lilo and Stitch capture 010 after it cleans up the beach]
Jumba
Little girl and 626, meet Experiment 010.
I'm naming him Felix... because on TV, all neat freaks are named Felix.
Aloha, neat freak. [hugs Felix]
You should've seen him cleaning up that beach. He was all "voop, voop, voop!" and "poop, poop, poop!" with his nose!
Jumba
Nose?! Ha! Is not just rodementary O-factoring device. He is sophisticated biosystem of tiny brushes and hormonal detergents. 010 has threefold duty: 1. Automatically tidy up all messes. 2. Digest process all garbage and trash. And 3. Antisceptisize against all unhealthy germs and sources of filth.
So he's hung up on dirt, just like Nani and Pleakley.
I heard that! You're talking about me! [sees Felix] AAAHHHH!! Mele kiliiki maaka! Another monster in the house?! No, no, no! I forbid it!
But Felix is just like you. You two would probably get along great.
Are you kidding? It's nothing but a walking sack of Jumba's evil geniusness. It's dangerous!
Jumba, he's not dangerous, is he?
Jumba
If I am remembering correctly, 010 cannot tell difference between dirt for cleaning up and unbathed evil genius for leaving alone. But I'm quite certain a fixed that looooong ago. Yes, now little 010 is so gentle, would not hurt even tiniest Earth fly.
[Unbeknownst to the other characters, Felix shoots a laser out of his nose, vaporizing a fly]
[Pleakley has grown attached to Felix ever since he cleaned up the house]
Laundry pressed and starched, linoleum buffed to a blinding polish. Ah, it doesn't get any better.
Pleakley, your "soulmate" just threw out my collection of seashells that look like presidents.
Salty sea junk? Who cares?
And it chucked out Stitch's bed!
Worm-eaten pineapple crate? So what?
Jumba
I have been working on cure for pesky Earth viruses. Has anyone seen my petri dish cultures?
Care for the common cold? Better off without out!
[Felix comes in and sniffs Pleakley's sewing machine]
[smug] Trashy old sewing machine? Who needs it?
Yeah. Just a heap of scrap metal... [snaps out of it] WAIT!!! That's not trash! It's retro! IT'S RETROOOOO!!!!
[Felix sucks up the sewing machine through his nose and shoots into the trash]
[Felix has Lilo, Stitch and Jumba trapped in their own house]
Jumba
Uh-oh. I am just remembering: I did not fix flaw in 010's programming.
[sarcastically] Great. Now you remember. So what was the flaw?
Jumba
Logic problem in 010's third function: anticeptisize against all unhealthy germs and sources of filth, which is what he sees us as. Filthy huge germs to anticeptisize.
That's something like taking a bath, right?
Jumba
Yes, like taking a bath. The last bath you'll ever take!
[Lilo gasps in fright]
[Jumba has just finished making modifications on Felix]
Jumba
Presenting 010.2, the upgrade. Reversed polarity, so is no longer obsessively neat.
Well... Let's try him out. [pours some cereal on the floor]
Jumba
[chuckles] See? No reaction at all to big mess-making.
[Lilo smashes the cereal by jumping on it; Felix hops over to the mess and takes a deep breath]
Jumba
I'm evil genius, not fortune teller.
[Felix blows the mess with his nose, making an entire mess of the kitchen]
Now Felix in an Oscar, a total dirt freak!
Dirty, dirty, dirty! [Stitch shoves him into a container]
Jumba
Interesting. Perhaps I have reversed polarity tiniest bit too much.
[after losing Gantu at the medical clinic, Lilo, Stitch, and Pleakley return to their house]
Jumba
Okey-dokey. Is simple plan. I use reducer ray to shrink 626 to microscopic teeny-tiny size. Then pilot ex-buggy inside Pleakley and capture 222.
Hey, how'd you get the buggy in here?
Jumba
Oh, simple: cup opener- It's not important. What is important is...
Jumba
You make joke! This is no job for to little girl!
Yana poola! Ichi boh boh!
Jumba
Lilo drives.
Oh, you're gonna let the little girl drive around MY INSIDES?!?
Jumba
What could I do? There is no arguing with "ichi boh boh", hmm?
[Jumba and Pleakley come to the Alien Convention; Pleakley is wearing Galactic Federation uniform]
Jumba
Is my hair on straight?
That's better, but you don't need it. I feel completely at home here.
Jumba
Ha! You say. I think you are sticking out like sore thumb.
[as soon as they enter the convention, they see many people dressed as aliens]
Greetings, fellow aliens!
Jumba
Then again, maybe is my that is sticking and soring.
Fellow believers, I, Merwin Finklestein, professional alien hunter, am proud to present, a real live alien!
[the curtain rises to reveal Gantu who failed to capture Stitch and Sample]
Yeah, we did. But you let those other two get away, so you're going to take their place.
Oh, you think so? [Dean points his stick at him] Okay, okay! Just be careful with that thing!
Oh, no! You were right! They're big nasty alien hunters with a big nasty plasma-converter pulse cannon, and you and I are in big trouble!
Jumba
Bah! Big hunters are big phonies, and so is gun. Looks like plasma-converter 9000 series, but is obvious fake.
See, Stitch? Never bale out on a deal, because what goes around comes around.
[Stitch releases Babyfier, causing him to turn him, Nani, Jumba and Pleakley into infants; Lilo recaptures Babyfier]
Well, now that I'm the oldest, I guess I'm in charge. But what do I do?! [the babies stare at each other and then stare at Lilo] I guess adults just do whatever they wanna do. So... Let's go to the movies. Come on, gang!
[Lilo rushes out of the kitchen, but then stops to see Baby Jumba throwing eggs everywhere]
BJBaby Jumba
[laughs] Whee! Evil! Ha, ha-ha!
Jumba, no! I'm in charge now, and I say you have to stop playing evil and go to the movies with me.
[Lilo suddenly hears the dryer running]
BNBaby Nani
Playtime! Playtime!
[pulls Baby Nani out of a laundry basket] Nani, how many times have you told me, you can't play in the dryer. [Baby Stitch detaches the fridge door and starts eating it] Stitch, no!
BPBaby Pleakley
I made oops in my pants.
[Baby Nani begins playing with the stove] Nani, no! [Baby Jumba throws an egg at her head] Jumba, no! [Baby Stitch begins to eat the whole refrigerator] STITCH, NO!!!
BPBaby Pleakley
I made more oops in my pants! [Baby Pleakley begins to cry, along with the other three babies]
I guess the movie's off. I'm a mother of four!
[Baby Jumba and Baby Pleakley sneak into Kiki's Coffee Shop to find 100% Kona Coffee to create the antidote for Babyfier's effects]
BJBaby Jumba
Ach! Too many peoples. Must clear room somehow.
[as soon as the stench reaches everyone's noses, they all flee the shop and Kiki places a "Enter at Own Risk" sign on the door]
[enraged] LILO, YOU LOLO! [Stitch spits out Scrump and he and Lilo rush toward the window, pushing pillows in their faces] Lilo, Stitch! Yesterday, I told you no running around the house! So what do you do? You run around the house! Last week, I told you to clean your room! Is it clean? No! What's gonna be next with you?!
Jumba
She almost made me drop my highly unstable container of uflasium.
Well, what do you have to say for yourselves?
Uh, well, I ate breakfast like you asked, and I can prove it. [belches without saying "Excuse me" and Stitch laughs]
And you're supposed to say "Excuse me" when you burp! That does it, you two are grounded for 24 hours! [storms off]
[crossing her arms] What's the big deal? We didn't hurt anyone.
[Lilo is addressing to her softball team, which consists of Stitch, Jumba, Yin, Yang, Richter, Kixx, and Splodyhead]
Alright, men, and evil geniuses, and genetic mutants from outer space. We are here today for one purpose and one purpose only: to destroy Mertle's softball team! So let's get out there and really tear up the basepads! [Stitch dashes out to the fields and starts ripping the bases apart] I didn't mean that literally, Stitch.
Jumba
Eh, question. Once team is beaten, do losers become our servants for life?
Jumba
Hmm, is how team sports work on my planet.
[Stitch tests out Slugger's batting skills by throwing avocados at him]
Coconuts, avocados, wow he really likes to bat things around.
[Slugger accidentally splats and avocado on a picture, which Stitch licks clean]
Jumba
Experiment 608 will swat at many different things. In addition to deflecting airborne projectiles launched at enemies, he is also programmed to swat away balls, toys and fruit thrown over fence by annoying neighbor children.
He hits balls? Tomorrow, Lilo's Lasers hit the practice field! We're gonna beat Mertle's team yet!
Ooh, for the rematch, will we be the home team or the away team? Because according to my research, the home team wears a white uniform while the...
Uh... You know what, Pleakley? It's just practice. And you're so good already, that you don't have to come.
[Jumba has Pleakley do his paperwork while he goes surfing with David]
Jumba
This is lucky day for you, my one-eyed friend.
Ooh! Is today the once-a-year sale in Tessy's Dressies?
Jumba
No. I have decided to promote you to assistant evil genius!
I wasn't aware I was even in the chain of command! What exactly does the position entail?
Jumba
Little girl recovered new experiment pods. They need to be identified, registered, labeled, and categorized.
Eh... how much did you say this evil genius stuff pays?
Jumba
For you, zero, but looks very good on resume.
Lilo & Stitch: The Series · 382 quotes
