I hear Mega Lo Mart is taking bids for a rat problem. Boy, that'd be a sweet gig. I could finally start paying for Nancy's health insurance instead of just telling Nancy I'm paying for it.
S7 E10Mega Lo Dale
You still think it's rats. Well, don't beat yourself up, Hank, I did too until the evidence pointed to baboon.
Baboon? Dale, don't tell Glidewell there's a baboon. It's not a baboon.
I know that. I won't bore you with the details, but bottom line: it's Chuck Mangione!
Dale's losing it at Mega Lo Mart, Nancy. We need some traps for the rat, and a tranquilizer gun for... uh... also for the rat.
Well, that's the calculated risk you take when you release a mongoose.
CMChuck Mangione
You let a mongoose out in the store.
You're living in a T.P. fort.
CMChuck Mangione
Let's agree to disagree.
Boomhauer (In disbelief): Chuck Mangione. He's probably out there in Hollywood, you know, sticking his horn to dang ole Minnie Driver.
That's where the culottes are.
S7 E11Boxing Luanne
I closed my eyes and I was thinking of those stupid guys in my math class... oh, and the guy in the parking lot... and that volunteer pool cleaner who always comes by when I'm swimming.
AAngela
Tell me about it. I once fell for a free breast examination in a bar.
Yeah, there's nothing worse than people not respecting you. Every time I get hooted at I have to take an hour of Tae Bo.
"Tae Bo", is that that new oriental way of moving your couch around?
(after Luanne explains Tae-Bo): Oh, it's dancing.
Hmm. That sounds --
No.
Guess who I ran into at the gym... Buck Strickland! He watched me do Tae Bo and he thinks I'd be a great boxer!
Look, Luanne, I fought at the Y and trust me, you are no boxer.
Yea-huh. Friday at midnight in the bathroom at Sugarfoots, and I am going to stand up and fight and be respected just like you said.
Luanne, the kind of women that box don't have 50 stuffed animals on their bed. Why don't you spend Friday night watching one of those movies you like, where the people fall in love and then one of them dies?
AAngela
Men are never going to respect us. That's why we've got to use what God or the surgeon gave us to get what they got: Money.
So you'd do anything for money?
AAngela
Or a car.
S7 E12Vision Quest
Hank, this is an important ritual among my people. Don't half-ass it.
I see the buffalo! I see the Indian! I... am the Indian!
BDBill Dautrieve
Well, I'm just gonna come right out and say it, Dale--something seems different about you.
Something IS different, Bill. I had a vision. I'm an Indian now.
BDBill Dautrieve
Oh.
I've always wondered why I hated the federal government or loved tobacco with such passion. But now it all makes sense!
Okay Time Out, Sitting Jackass! Have you looked in the mirror lately? You are the God-dang whitest person I've ever seen!
I AM THE ALBINO BUFFALO! Deal with it!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's King of the Hill pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.