King of the Hill quotes

Tilly! Did you make this Stuffin'? 'CAUSE IT TASTES LIKE GARBAGE!

Hank Hill

(in a worried tone) Uh, Dad?

Did I ever tell you about the time she tried to poison me with a baked Chicken?

(sighs) It was Chicken Almondine.

IT WAS CYANIDE, WOMAN!

Hank Hill

(exasperated) Dad, could you please show Mom some respect while Bobby's in the room?

You heard him, Bobby. Leave the room! (Bobby gets up to leave the room)

Hank Hill

(frustrated) Sit down.

Bobby Hill

Grandpa, could you at least respect Grandmom until we get to dessert?

Didi's your Grandmom too, Bobby..... Your pretty Grandmom! 'Course, bad as Tilly was in the Kitchen, she was even worse in the Bedroom! (Everyone is shocked, Tilly is especially mortified) I Said.... The Woman was lousy in the sack.

Bill Dauterive

(tapping glass with knife then getting up to propose a toast) To the Stuffing! Might taste like Garbage, but it sure fills you up!

I'm goin' down to the corn dog shack to watch the girlies make lem-o-nade.

Hank

[seeing that some random kid on the street shot him] Bobby, stop playing dead! Get up before someone sees you!

Bobby

[weaker] What was that? Dad, is that you? Everything's so dim.

Hank

Bobby, get up.

Bobby

I'm not going to make it.

Hank

You're not injured!

Bobby

The gold is buried. [coughs] It's buried! [coughs]

Hank

[grabbing Bobby's back with his arm] Please stand up!

Bobby

Oh, no! I hit a deer with your truck!

Dale Gribble

Nuh-uh.

Bill Dauterive

But I have to tinkle.

Dale Gribble

Not on my watch! [clicks shotgun]

(in falsetto voice) Why do you keep calling me "Bill?"

Hank Hill

Bill, can't you see that this whole Lenore thing is your problem? The iguana, these presents, this old tree, get rid of the stuff!

Bill Dauterive

No! No, I couldn't. I couldn't. See, when, when she comes back--

Hank Hill

She's never comin' back, it's so obvious. She doesn't want this stupid stocking!

Bill Dauterive

Do you like iguanas, Ms. Tobbins?

Bill

I'm a fireman! I'm a... [trips over cooler] ...hudafu.

Hank

"Heck, I thought I'd go ahead and sharpen all the axes."

Dale

(singing) Hank's a lumberjack and he's okay...

[to Dale] Hey, shades. Plug in my Alamo sign, will you?

Hank

Better not, Dale. It doesn't work right, remember?

Dale

[as he sings, he sits back and tries to plug in the sign.] (singing) Be-a-bay, be-e-be, be-i-bickey-bi-be-o-bo-bickey-bi-bo--

Hank

I said, "not to."

Dale

Be-u-bu...

Dale

Whatd'ya got under the foil, Mr. Party Pooper, some party poop?

Dale

Yeah, man, I tell you what, man, dang ol' detector, man, government take away freedom of smoke, talkin' 'bout yo, man.

Hank

Yeah, man, I tell you what, man, dang ol' boy ain't right, man, talkin' 'bout kicking dang ol’ ass, man.

Boomhauer

(speaking at normal speed very clearly) For God's sakes, Hank, act like an adult, man. And keep it down, guys, will you? I am trying to get through an article on vintage Camaros, and I've been on the same dang page for twenty minutes.

Bill

Dang ol' pretty, pretty pizza, man, I tell you what.

I got bad news, men. Chet Elderson died. Natural causes. (Bill farts while his butt is hanging out the top of the fire pole) Oh, for cryin' out loud!

Bill

My face hurts.

Hank

And it'll match your ass when I'm done kicking it!