Dale Gribble quotes from King of the Hill

Dale

Oh, this has been a cat-astrophe!

Dale

Okay, Joseph, take that stick and poke me in my once-again robust arm. [Joseph begins poking him in his bee stings] See? I don't feel a thing. [beat] Wait a minute. I DON'T FEEL A THING!

Dale

See you in the history books, people!

Dale

(After blowing up the shack that Hank just built because Hank's father wanted it destroyed) "Yee-haw! That was for you colonel!" (runs off)

Dale

(After they rebuild neighbor's house) We should do this to Bill's house when he dies.

Dale

(Imitating Survivorman) There is no greater survival skill that the ability to start a fire without matches. Fortunately Arlen is rich in natural propane tank deposits.

Dale

Children see the world through innocent eyes. My book will change that.

Dale

Are you talking to Lori again after I told you not to?

Bill Dauterive

[first lines] Yep.

Dale Gribble

[first lines] Yep.

Hank Hill

[first lines] Yep.

[first lines] Mmm-Hmm.

Bill Dauterive

You know what it could be… That damn started motor. You’re getting good compression?

Hank Hill

Yeah!

Dale Gribble

I know what's wrong with it. It's a Ford. You know what they say Ford stands for, don't ya? It stands for 'Fix it again, Tony'.

Hank Hill

You're thinking of a Fiat, Dale.

Dale Gribble

"Fix... it... again..."

Hank Hill

[referring to the sound of Bobby throwing a baseball at the living room wall] Dammit! There it is again! Where is that thumpin' comin' from? It's drivin' me crazy!

Dale Gribble

Could be far-off helicopters... U.N. helicopters.

Hank Hill

Dale! What're you doin'? Give me some light! Now! I--I can't see! (Hank drops his wrench) Ow, my arm! (The hood closes) Ow, my head!

Dale Gribble

I'm gonna help get him this alternator off. (Dale cuts a wire).

Bill

Ah, Dale, I think ya released the brake cable! Dale?

Dale

No, I didn't. (The truck crashes into the garage door). I guess I'd better get goin', ah, I got some edging to do. (Dale grabs his cap out of the engine and he, along with Bill and Boomhauer, run back to their homes).

Dale Gribble

Hey, I know what's wrong with your truck. It's your "quote-unquote" pollution controls. I heard on talk radio you don't even need them. They're just an egghead government plot.

Hank Hill

How is cutting down on pollution a government plot, Dale?

Dale Gribble

Open up your eyes, man. They're trying to control global warming. Get it? GLO-BAL.

Hank Hill

So what?

Dale Gribble

That's code for U.N. commissars telling Americans what the temperature's going to be in our outdoors. I say let the world warm up, see what Boutros Boutros-Ghali-Ghali thinks about that! We'll grow oranges in Alaska.

Hank Hill

Dale, you giblet-head, we live in Texas. It's already 110°[F] in the summer, and if it gets one degree hotter, I'm gonna kick your ass!

Hank

Hello?

(hoarse voice) You don't know who I am, but I know where you live, and if you teach that sex-ed class, so help me, I-

Hank

Dale? Is that you?

Dale

(normal voice) Oh. Hank. Uh, can I speak with Peggy?

Hank

Uh, Peggy, it's for you. It's Dale.

Peggy

Y'ello, Dale.

Dale

(hoarse voice) You don't know where I am, but I know where you live...

Bill

[about the long honking sound] Sounds like your horn's going off!

Hank

You really think so, Bill?

Bill

Oh Yeah!

Dale

Dang it, Hank! You know I can't have loud, sudden noises while I'm meditating! I was a nose hair away from attaining inner peace!

Bill Dauterive

He looks like an angel. A dead angel.

Boomhauer

(crying) Why, man, dang ol' why, why?!

Dale Gribble

It should have been Bill!

Peggy Hill

Oh, Hank. We never got a chance to talk about your problem. And now... we never will.

Remember, early detection is the key. Now pass in your algebra homework.

Goodbye, boy. See you in HELL!