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3rd most-quoted character in Jackie Chan Adventures: in 178 of its 738 quotesJackie (105), Jade Clones (96), Mama Tohru (40)
Scenes with Uncle 159
[trying to start the boat] Hurry, Uncle! We must fly to Rome!
U Uncle
Jade is not in Rome, Jackie. She is trapped in the Demon Netherworld.
Oh why couldn't it have been me?
[grunts in frustration] There must be something we can do, Uncle! A counterspell! A stronger spell! SOME WAY TO- [Uncle cuffs him] Ow!
U Uncle
I cannot think with all your noise! [in deep thought] The Eighth Door!
U Uncle
We have permanently sealed seven portals belonging to seven Demon Sorcerors, but not the one belonging to Shendu! It is Jade's only hope of escape from the Demon Realm...
We must open the portal immediately
[Shendu-possessed-Valmont appears atop moose world entrance]
SP Shendu possessing Valmont's body
So that is why you wanted the box! Well, I assure you Chan.. The only thing emerging from my portal will be a demon!
[stops for breath and looks defeated] Jade....
U Uncle
Jackie! There is more than one way to skin a cat! [throws Jackie a sword] And two ways to open a portal! [starts chanting and sword begins glowing]
SP Shendu possessing Valmont's body
[cowers] Aahh! The symbol of the immortal who defeated me!
Sword slays dragon! [points and activates enchanted sword spell at Shendu, forcing his spirit out of Valmont's body and also forcing Shendu's portal open]
[as her parents answer the door] Surprise!
Hope you don't mind us dropping in uninvited.
JS Jade's Father
Cousin Jackie, it's so good to see you again!
JS Jade's Mother
You have been such a wonderful role model for Jade.
Oh well, thank you- [Uncle cuffs him] Ow!
U Uncle
You take credit for my good influence?!
Tch. Is Uncle everyone's uncle?
JS Jade's Father
He is actually our cousin... aren't you? [Jackie and Uncle look at each other in confusion]
U Uncle
[catches Jade and Jackie in the library] Get out!
U Uncle
Only master's library boy is allowed in here!
Uncle, we need your help! We're looking for a book.
U Uncle
Forbidden! These books are filled with magic! Even I am not allowed to read them!
U Uncle
Never heard of it.
Are you sure? [runs off] Maybe it's over here!
U Uncle
[chases her] No it is not!
U Uncle
No. I have been library boy for 60 years! I am sure!
If the book's not here in Shendu's library, there's only one other place it could be. Australia!
U Uncle
Aiya! No man's land! That continent is forbidden!
There is nothing there, Jade. Just a fortress!
Tch. Fortresses are usually built to protect something, duh.
U Uncle
But it is said that all who approach the fortress will be destroyed.
Well we have to get inside it somehow!
Because Shendu used the Book of Ages to rewrite reality!
U Uncle
[scoffs] That is crazy. You do not believe her, do you?
[sighs] There is one thing that I believe. Demons ruling the world is a bad thing.
[after Uncle performs a Chi Spell to vanquish the Shadowkhan] Uncle! You saved our- [Uncle cuffs him] Ow!
U Uncle
What choice did I have? You are family!
...A Chi Spell? Thought you weren't allowed to read the forbidden books!
U Uncle
I do not read, I...I skim.
[after shooting Jackie with fire; only to see that Jackie is unharmed] How can it be? [Jackie opens a palm to reveal the Dog Talisman] My Talisman!
I'm sorry, I'll give it back, thank you!
[runs away, to be cornered, another Talisman activates in his hand, he barely hits Shendu and sends Shendu flying back into his bed]
U Uncle
And why do you not catch fire? [Jackie reveals the Ox Talisman]
Dog makes you immortal, Ox makes you super strong. What else we got? [reveals the Talismans] Speedy Rabbit, levitating Rooster, invisible Snake, and explosive Dragon. Oh...good ones! [Shendu recovers from the rubble of his bed] Maybe we better not try for the other half dozen.
U Uncle
[blocking Shendu's heat beams] Jackie, help Uncle search! Stop fooling!
Fooling?! [shows Uncle's Dog Talisman] I'm not immortal!
Get away from the Book! Surrender, your team has been neutralized!
Big whoop. [runs to the Book of Ages] If I can't find Shendu's changes, I'll make some of my own! [begins writing] "...and then Jackie grew twenty feet tall."
[Jackie Chan suddenly grows twenty feet]
Now Jackie is the greatest!
Shendu! [leaps and kicks Shendu to the ground]
[writing more] ...Here comes...Super Tohru. [Tohru is transformed into a flying strong superhero, and tosses Dai Gui aside; Jade continues writing] Say hello, to Robo-Viper. [Viper is transformed into a mechanical robot warrior]
Like nuking fish in a barrel. [blasts Bai Tza]
[takes the brush from Jade] My turn! [writes and grows El Toro bigger]
Now El Toro is the greatest!
[takes the brush back] Jackie is!
[they fight over the brush, causing El Toro and Jackie to grow bit by bit]
Jade Jackie!
U Uncle
You want to defeat the demons? Yes? Then write that Uncle banishes the Demons already!
[upon seeing the antique store] This where you live?! Ugh...you gave up good job with nice Mr. Valmont for this?!
Nice ? Hello, doesn't she know that Valmont's a crook?
No...and please do not tell her.
Aah, my son. A servant in a junk shop!
This is an antique store.
Hah! Only antique I see is the billy goat there! [referring to Uncle]
U Uncle
Dragon lady should watch her forked tongue unless she wants a piece of Uncle!
Hah! I would sweep floor with you! And this floor needs it.
[answers his phone] Hello?
Hope I didn't catch you in the middle of anything, Jackie.
Uh, Uncle and Tohru's mom are getting acquainted.
[holding a vase] Cheap junk!
U Uncle
[takes vase away] Xing Dynasty!
Could be trouble brewing on the horizon.
The Octopus will be on exhibit at the Japanese Expo. I'd feel better if you were there to assist with security.
Uh, you want me to guard a fish?
Actually, octopuses aren't fish, they're multipods.
Octopi...[as Uncle and Mama Tohru continue to bicker] Please, behave!
Sorry, Grammar was never my best subject in school...
Oh, you mean the Kyoto Octopus! It is the most famous relic of the Komodo Dynasty.
Intelligence sources that the Yokanawa Crime Family has the octopus in its sights.
Huh! Why don't you get some light in here?
U Uncle
Thought bats could see in the dark.
[to Uncle and Mama Tohru] This must stop!
My thinking exactly. I'll set it up. Thanks for your help, Jackie.
[as Uncle and Mama Tohru enter the backroom]
YT Yokanawa Thug 1
Hey! I said "front door" and to come alone!
U Uncle
I told her! [to Mama Tohru] See?! I told you!
Nyah! Would have lost your way! Near-sighted mule can barely see hook nose in front of his face!
U Uncle
Eyesight good enough to see the hair growing out of that mole!
YC Yokanawa Crime Boss
Quit the squabbling, and put the fish on the table!
YT Yokanawa Thug 1
Uhh, boss, technically an octopus is a member of the multipod family, and- [is given a look by his boss] Put the fish on the table!
[catching Jackie] Need to work on your sneaking around. Inuits can hear footsteps in snow a mile away.
Uncle, Jade! I told you to- [Elder beckons at him with a spear] We are not armed!
But that doesn't mean we won't go polar on your butt if you don't hand over Dwayne!
Jade, please. She means the prehistoric cave creature.
U Uncle
Oh, so maybe your sister has big feet? [indicating the creature's large footprint in the snow]
[defensive] My sister has tiny feet! She is delicate like a bird!
What do you think? I go to a drive through burger place?
[in a challenge of Ice Fishing with Uncle, holding up his bait] My secret.
U Uncle
Anchovy? Bah! That's nothing but minnows.
What do you fish with, worms?
U Uncle
[holds up a roll of beans] Mung beans wrapped in tea leaves. Fish take a number to get on hook!
Ehhh, big talk no action. [the drop their lines into the water, and almost immediately get a bite] See? I got something!
U Uncle
So does Uncle! Big something!
[both withdraw their tangled lines, with no fish, Uncle's bait is gone]
U Uncle
Hah! See? My bait gone, yours still on hook!
U Uncle
So fish we lost was mine !
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These quotes come from Wikiquote's Jackie Chan Adventures pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License .
Jackie Chan Adventures · 738 quotes
