Hollywood? I'm on my way, Captain Black.
[surprises Jackie] Jackie, can I come with? Please???
Jade, the Dark Hand is there, no doubt searching for a demon portal.
But Jackie, Raphaelo DiCapizio is getting his footprints in cement at the Chinese Theater this weekend!
Tch. Hello? Raphaelo DiCapizio is only the greatest movie star in the history of... history!
UUncle
Ah, I guess you have never heard of John Wayne!
Aah, the Duke. "Saddle up, Pilgrim!"
[his cell phone rings] Hello? Jade! Where are you?
Duh...Chinese Theater? But so is the Thunder Demon, and he's packing serious voltage!
How do you do that-? Never mind! Jade, do nothing until I get there! [hangs up]
UUncle
Jade never does nothing!
I know, but I feel I have to say it.
Why are you wearing snow boots?
Oh, it's 72 degrees out. [begins to remove one boot]
AVALANCHE! [Jackie looks behind him, she places her now exposed foot in her backpack as he looks back at her] Heh, false alarm.
[turns her foot to reveal the tattoo she made] Jade, wash this off, right now!
What? It's a real tattoo?!
UUncle
[walks in] How can you get a tattoo by acci-[sees the symbol on her foot and gasps in horror]
[in a disguise] Finn to Ratso, I'm in position. [knocks on Uncle's Shop door]
UUncle
Too busy, come back later!
[with an accent] But I am a vealthy art collector!
UUncle
[opens door] Welcome to Uncle's Rare Finds!
[the Shadowkhan are bowing before Jade, who's skin color is slightly a pale blue]
See Jackie? Total control. They do what I tell them, and I only tell them to do good. So can I keep 'em?
Because you're turning blue!
Blue's my favorite color. Besides, we gave Tohru a chance!
Tohru is human! Now, I want you to make them go away, until Uncle can find a-
UUncle
Huh-cha! I have found a potion that will make Jade's tattoo vanish!
But I like my tattoo! You can't do this to me!
It's for your own safety, Jade.
UUncle
Now sit still, while I apply the potion. [leans to apply the potion, only to have the tattoo violently react]
Do not touch me! I am, and shall remain, Queen of the Shadowkhan!
UUncle
Jackie! [Jackie jumps in surprise, dropping the armor he's carrying] You are too loud!
Uncle, you are the one who's yelling!
UUncle
[gasp] You dishonor the only known existing relic of the Eight Immortals!
Ye-eh-You caused me to drop it!
UUncle
[gasp] You dishonor your Uncle!
[very sleepy] Hey Jackie...
Jade, what are you doing up?
"Old Yeller" is keeping us all up. He hasn't slept in days!
UUncle
Tohru! Where is my tea?!
[sleeping standing up and holding tea] Er, what? [falls asleep again, pouring tea on the floor]
Uncle, why won't you sleep?
UUncle
Because, I have demons on the brain! I lay down, and all I hear is "Chi spell! Chi spell! Chi spell!"
Have you tried counting sheep?
UUncle
Demons always eat them.
Well...thank you for watching Jade. [proceeds to leave]
UUncle
Where are you going?! We must study the Immortal's Armor and discover what magic it holds!
Now? It is 3 AM Uncle. You should really try to sleep. [cell phone rings]
UUncle
How can I sleep with all this noise?!
Jackie, we've spotted the Dark Hand.
Care to know where you're going?
I don't care. Anywhere but here.
....[hangs up phone] Uncle, I'm off to Spain! I will call you for the Chi spell, once I find out what Demon we're dealing with. [begins to leave fast]
UUncle
Take the armor, it could be of some use!
But you have to discover what magic it holds!
UUncle
How can I do that if you take it with you?!
[Jade is watching TV]
UUncle
Jade! TV is too loud!
[Jade turns down volume]
[annoyed, turns off the TV]
UUncle
I can hear the electricity in the wires! UNPLUG!
I wish there was a way to unplug Uncle...
UUncle
Jade! The books are laughing at me!
[to herself] Not for long. [to Uncle] Tea, dear Uncle?
UUncle
Yes. Ha-cha! [sits and takes a sip of the tea] BAGH! Jade! This tea tastes like it was brewed with beard of goat! [sips again] One more thing! It is bitter! One more thing! It is cold! One more thing! [falls asleep]
[gasps; before making sure her sleeping spell worked] Ha-cha!
How are you feeling, Uncle?
UUncle
Very well, thank you...except for the Demon screaming in my face! One more thing! I told you the armor was good armor! One more thing! You should never question Uncle!
You should have made Uncle's tea stronger. He is still cranky.
I don't think there's enough tea in China to simmer Uncle down. But I'll take Mr. Sourpuss over Mr. Happypants any old day!
[as Uncle begins the Chi Spell] The Chi Wizard! [the Chi Spell launches and hits Bai Tza] NO!
[filming from the front of the boat] Ooh! Fish fry! [she is suddenly caught in the crossfire of the Chi Spell, and lifted from the boat] Whoa!
[flying with the beam of the spell] JACKIE! Whoa!
[Bai Tza's portal opens sucking her inside, along with Jade; back at the boat, Uncle collapses in grief]
Uncle! We have to get Jade! You have to reopen the portal!
UUncle
[tosses his Chi equipment aside] The Chi Spell has sealed the portal, like it has sealed all the others...forever... [begins to cry]
Jackie Chan Adventures · 738 quotes
