Sweet Dee Reynolds quotes from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Dee

[Laughing] I got you! I got you! I'm your rock bottom? I'm your rock. That's your rock bottom, sticking your dick in your daughter's face, you son of a bitch.

Dee

How could you not tell me you were gay?

Terrell

I'm a musical theater actor living in Philadelphia! I didn't think it was that big a secret.

Terrell

Yeah, I know.

Mac

Whoa, whoa, whoa, we don't want any trouble.

Terrell

What?

Dee

Guys, this is Terrell... From my acting class.

Terrell

You know, when I'm promoting, you better believe everybody and their mama gonna be there. You know what I mean? There's gonna be brothers, white boys, Latinos, whatever. You know, we got niggas hanging from the rafters. So, we got like 400 plus packed into this tiny little place-

Dennis

Whoa, whoa, whoa, you said you had 400 people packed into this place?

Terrell

You damn right I got 400 - that's my job, man. And it's mostly college kids. You know, my sister goes to Temple, so I got the hookup over there.

Mac

Ah, and hookups are good. But just to be clear, when you say your sister, do you mean your sister or your friend?

Dennis

Dude.

Dee

Oh, Jesus.

Terrell

I mean my sister.

Mac

Oh, ok, cool. I was just - because - he could mean his friend or his sister and I was just -

Charlie

Stop talking.

Terrell

So we're packing into this little bitty place over on Walnut, right? We're halfway through the night, everything's going alright. You know what I mean? All of a sudden, I notice this dude eyeballing me from across the bar.

Dennis

Shit.

Terrell

And I don't know if this dude wants to freak me or fight me, you know what I'm saying?

Charlie

He's giving you crazy eyes.

Terrell

The insane, crazy eyes, right?

Charlie

I know that.

Terrell

So I walk over to this guy. He's this big, cut, Mexican dude and I look at him and say, "Yo, ese, unless you want to get your ass torn apart, you'd better get this look off of your face."

Dee

No...

Mac

You walked right up to him and said that?

Terrell

I had to, man. You gotta make the first move. Always make the first move, you know what I'm saying?

Dennis

I know.

Mac

That's so badass.

Dee

So what happened?

Terrell

Well, hey, he won't stop staring me down and we're, like, eyeball to eyeball, his grill is right up in mine. It feels like an eternity, son, right? Finally, he just opens up his mouth and says (Mexican accent) "I guess you're gon' have to tear my ass apart, holmes."

Charlie

Oh, man. So, what did you do?

Terrell

Took him to the back alley and tore his ass apart.

Mac

[on abortion] It's nobody's choice! It should be left up to God!

Dee

Is he jo..? Is that..? Are you.. joking?

Mac

No, it's not a joke! You remember Genesis? Book two, verse three: And he breatheth into the nostrils of Adam on the first day and it was good.

Dee

Right in his nostrils, huh? Sounds really uncomfortable.

Dennis

[to Mac] You're making an asshole out of yourself.

Dennis

[at an abortion rally] I think all these chicks are gay.

Dee

Yeah, I don't know that they're gay, I think they can just smell how disgusting you are.

Dennis

Pff...sucks for me.

Dee

Are you actually gonna throw away all your convictions for a chance to get laid?

Dennis

I don't really have any convictions.

Dennis

We could get into a lot of trouble for this.

Dee

And we also have a social responsibility to keep teenagers from drinking.

Charlie

I guess.

Mac

Well, I don't know about that, though. Hold on, I mean, wait a second, hear me out, hear me out: it wasn't that long ago that we were in the same position as these youngsters, right? I mean, we'd get kicked out of some bar and what did we do, Den? We would get a bunch of forties from a homeless guy and we would go sit in some park.

Charlie

That is true.

Mac

That is absolutely true. And what would happen? We would almost get raped and/or murdered and/or stabbed by the crackheads in Fairmount Park.

Dee

Hello, Stephen.

Charlie

You want to know what else what would happen? We drove Nicky Potnick's car into a tree on Kelly Drive.

Dennis

With Sweet Dee in the back seat, puking all over the headrest because some guy talked to her that she liked, remember that? Every time some guy talks to you that you like, you get so nervous that you drink yourself into oblivion.

Dee

No, no, I had bad potato salad.

Mac

You abused alcohol, and that's OK, that's OK, but it's very dangerous, right? Right? Well, maybe we should look at this whole thing from a different angle. Maybe we have a social responsibility to provide a safe haven for these kids to be kids. You know, experiment!

Dee

No, I don't like where this is headed.

Dee

I never statutory raped anyone before.

Oh...okay, I'll tell you what: let's just take it slow.

Dee

You are so sweet...where were you when I was in high school?

I was eight.

Dee

Right...Yeah...

Dee

Whats going on here? Who is that?

Charlie

That's Tammy, Trey's ex-girlfriend. This is classic Tammy.Trey broke up with Tammy because Marine-

Mac

Ok, you know what dude you gotta stop.

Dennis

I don't get it Sweet Dee, There are tons of women in this city; where do they mate with these gorrillas?

Dee

They're at velvet-rope clubs on Delaware Avenue.

Dennis

Oh I see.

Dee

Dennis, our bar is in south Philly in a scary alley...might as well call it "Rape Bar."

Dee

We talked about it, and we decided that we need to get rid of that gun.

Dennis

Oh, oh, the gun...yeah, we're getting rid of the gun.

Mac

You could have been killed. Dennis could have killed you.

Charlie

Okay, good, yes, I think that would be for the best... ah...mm...Dee, could you get me a nurse?

Dee

Yeah, sure. [exits]

Charlie

Tell me we're not getting rid of that gun.

Mac

No way!

Dennis

[pulls gun out of his pants] Never.

Dee

Oh, you are being ridiculous. He's a professional football player.

Mac

No, look, I'm not talking about killing the guy. I'm just talking about going up there with a group of dudes and intimidate him, maybe break his arm.

Dee

You can't break Tom Brady's arm.

Mac

Oh yes, I can! No more Super Bowls for that pretty boy.

Dennis

So, you're not going to get in any trouble at all?

Charlie

Uh, no, no, not really. And since the McPoyles are going to plead guilty I'm sort of off the hook completely.

Dennis

That's great!

Dee

Oh, I'm sorry, was he saying that the intervention worked?

Dennis

No, I don't think that's what he's saying.

Dee

What are you talking about? It was the final push Charlie needed. Turns out: Three-quarters of a major, not so bad after all.

Charlie

Oh, and the best part of it actually for me now is the fact that everybody thinks that I've been molested. So in a way, my life is ruined. Uh, in the meantime, I'm gonna go in the back office and cry, and cry, and cry, and drink for a while.

Dennis

Emotional release, another giant step forward.

Dee

God, we're good. Doctor.

Dennis

Doctor.

Mac

If the McPoyles got blown, and Charlie got blown, then why didn't I get blown?

Dennis

You're goin' to hell, dude.

Dee

Seriously.