I hate listening to people's dreams. It is like flipping through a stack of photographs. If I'm not in any of them and nobody is having sex, I just don't care.
“The Gang Gets Racist” · Season 1, Episode 1
In this episode: Mac McDonald (5), Charlie Kelly (4), Dennis Reynolds (4), Sweet Dee Reynolds (3), Terrell (3)
[to Sweet Dee and Charlie] Are you two seeing this?
[all look over at Dennis]
[gayly] ...boys are out tonight, huh?
This is unbelievable. What the hell is going on here? You got black women crawling all over you, and this Mary over here is the belle of the ball. Why do these people like you guys so much?
Well dude, it's not that they like us, it's that they don't like you. You know why? Uhh... because you're an asshole!
Domino, biatch!
How could you not tell me you were gay?
I'm a musical theater actor living in Philadelphia! I didn't think it was that big a secret.
BSBlack Student
Bout to bust that shit up Reece, Bout to bust that shit up Boy!
Absolutely.
[Students stare at Mac]
GMGay Man
Hello, lover.
Whoa! What the hell? What is going on here?
GMGay Man
Relax, stud. You got nothing to be ashamed about.
What the fuck...what does that mean? Did we have--No.
GMGay Man
No, don't be silly. It was all hands.
GMGay Man 2
How's that ass feelin'? [Slaps Dennis's ass]
Dennis (to Terrell): Oh, hey, man, we're closed.
Yeah, I know.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, we don't want any trouble.
What?
Guys, this is Terrell... From my acting class.
You know, when I'm promoting, you better believe everybody and their mama gonna be there. You know what I mean? There's gonna be brothers, white boys, Latinos, whatever. You know, we got niggas hanging from the rafters. So, we got like 400 plus packed into this tiny little place-
Whoa, whoa, whoa, you said you had 400 people packed into this place?
You damn right I got 400 - that's my job, man. And it's mostly college kids. You know, my sister goes to Temple, so I got the hookup over there.
Ah, and hookups are good. But just to be clear, when you say your sister, do you mean your sister or your friend?
Dude.
Oh, Jesus.
I mean my sister.
Oh, ok, cool. I was just - because - he could mean his friend or his sister and I was just -
Stop talking.
So we're packing into this little bitty place over on Walnut, right? We're halfway through the night, everything's going alright. You know what I mean? All of a sudden, I notice this dude eyeballing me from across the bar.
Shit.
And I don't know if this dude wants to freak me or fight me, you know what I'm saying?
He's giving you crazy eyes.
The insane, crazy eyes, right?
I know that.
So I walk over to this guy. He's this big, cut, Mexican dude and I look at him and say, "Yo, ese, unless you want to get your ass torn apart, you'd better get this look off of your face."
No...
You walked right up to him and said that?
I had to, man. You gotta make the first move. Always make the first move, you know what I'm saying?
I know.
That's so badass.
So what happened?
Well, hey, he won't stop staring me down and we're, like, eyeball to eyeball, his grill is right up in mine. It feels like an eternity, son, right? Finally, he just opens up his mouth and says (Mexican accent) "I guess you're gon' have to tear my ass apart, holmes."
Oh, man. So, what did you do?
Took him to the back alley and tore his ass apart.
Guys, listen, honestly, I think we should think about hiring Terrell.
For what?
You heard him! When he's promoting, everybody and they mama looking to get in.
That's true, they do have "niggers hanging from the rafters."
Waitress: Wow. Nice.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.