Spencer Shay quotes from iCarly

Carly

[to Spencer] What size dress do you wear?

Spencer

[without missing a beat] Ten. Why?

Carly

iCarly has been hijacked by a psychotic she-duck!

Spencer

[pulling a package out of his grocery bag] Mexican sponges!

[petting Spencer's shirt] Nice bird...

Spencer

Stop it!

Spencer

[pretending to be an old woman] I never knew you were such a handsome young boy!

Nevel

Oh, I blush!

Spencer

Okay, fine! THAT'S IT! WE ARE OVER!

(runs back to Spencer) ...You do look cute in that tux.

Spencer

I know. (the two kiss)

Carly

You think I'm pudgy.

Spencer

I didn't say that.

Carly

Maybe I should just leave the room before my skirt explodes!

Spencer

I don't think that-- [a worm falls on Spencer's head] ...a worm fell on my head.

T-Bo

You want some bagels?

Spencer

No, I just want smoothies.

Spencer

Let's just recap. You steal my motorcycle, I don't have you arrested! I invite you into my home, I teach you about the joys of sculpting. I'm forced to wait an hour... for BAGELS I didn't even want! (grabs the bag and shakes it) And then I come home to find you chewing on my sister's face!

Griffin

We were kissing.

Spencer

GUILTY!

Carly

Well, Wendy and I were trying to study, but Griffin kept turning up the music, so Wendy got frustrated and left. Then I told Griffin he was obnoxious and he said I should "rent a sense of humor" and I said "Oh, really?" and then while I was telling him that I needed to study I realized he's super-cute, and he asked me if I like music, so I go "Who doesn't like music?". So then I turned on some music and we started talking and then I realized he's really sweet, and fun and his face was right there in front of me so I leaned over and I kissed him! And I don't kiss like (making kissing noises) I kiss like a princess!

Spencer

You are grounded... for... till college.

Carly

For till college?!

Spencer

FOR TILL COLLEGE!!!

Carly

Why?!

Spencer

For kissing that delinquent!

Carly

You're the one who took him under your wing!

Spencer

Well, this wing shall flap no more. Griffin is never allowed up here again, and you're never allowed to have any contact with him!

Carly

Why? What did I do that was so bad?

Spencer

Oh, you know, lipsy.

Carly

I'm almost 15! How old were you when you started kissing girls?

Spencer

Elev--that is not the issue!

Hello? Chuck? Are you down there? [he enters the basement] There you are.

Chuck

Hi, daddy.

Spencer

AAH! Ah, thank god you're here! Your son, he trapped me and kept me locked in here for the past two days!

Chuck

Did not!

Spencer

You did too! [to Mr. Chambers] And he squirted me with fluids!

Is that true?

Chuck

No.

[sternly] Chuck.

Chuck

Yeah...

Spencer

[straightforward] YEAH!

Okay, that's it. You're grounded.

Chuck

DAD!

No arguments! You come with me right now.

Spencer

(laughs triumphantly) Who's grounded now, Chucky? Whoops, you are!

Spencer

What else would you keep in a cryogenic freezer like that?

Freddie

Cryogenic frozen pizzas?

Carly

I'm not drawing your sticky green foot at 2:30 in the morning!

Spencer

But look how it glistens!

Carly

No!

Spencer

Why?

Carly

'Cause you kept me up all last night lecturing me about the history of yellow, and then today, you made me sit in the park and draw hobos for three hours! I need to sleep...

Spencer

Come on, just draw my foot!

Carly

I'm going to bed!

Spencer

Thought you wanted to be an artist!

Carly

Good night, Spencer.

Spencer

Look at my foot!

Carly

You're very weird!

Spencer

You're overreacting!

Carly

No, the head of security said, "You're never allowed back in this community center ever again"!

Spencer

People forget!

Carly

They took our pictures and thumbprints!

Spencer

...Yeah, they're never letting us back in there.

Carly

Why? WHY would you embarrass me?!

Spencer

I don't know. 'Cause I'm a big jerk. And I think I got paint up my nose.

Carly

You deserve paint up your nose!

Spencer

Look, if I swear not to get all psycho, will you let me teach you how to draw?

Carly

A bunny?

Spencer

Maybe you should start with a hamster. Hug?

Carly

After you take a shower.

To be a real artist, you need to be spontaneous and passionate. They don't teach you that in art school. Maybe you could teach me.

Spencer

Well, I have been told I'm an excellent teacher.

Carly

BY WHO!?!

Spencer

I'm sorry I painted your mouth red.

I'm sorry I painted your mouth blue.

Spencer

Wanna make purple?

Please.

Carly

Okay... I don't understand art at all.

Carly, I just wanna let you know that we're not gonna continue with the tutoring. Chuck failed his math test.

Carly

[faking sadness] Oh, no...

It's not your fault. He made up some fake number called derf.

Carly

[faking confusion] Derf?

Chuck

I learned it from you!

Okay, that does it, Chuck. If you're gonna blame Carly for your failure, I'm gonna ground you for three weeks.

Chuck

DAD!

Spencer

Mr. Chambers, you know, I also had trouble with math when I was a boy. So my dad sent me to math camp for the whole summer.

Chuck

Math camp?

Carly

Math camp?

Spencer

Yes. Here's a brochure. [hands him a brochure]

Ooh! Camp Addemup! This looks perfect.

Spencer

Enjoy your summer, Chuck!

Carly

Yeah... Chuck.

Let's go, son.

Spencer

That was fun. I'm gonna go take a victory bath.

Carly

Shave your toes.

Spencer

No!