Spencer Shay quotes from iCarly

Carly

You are gonna start with building up some muscle.

Spencer

I have muscle.

Carly

Do you?

Spencer

Yes.

Carly

Then take off your shirt and jump up and down.

Spencer

I don't wanna.

Carly

Why not?

Spencer

'Cause I'll jiggle.

Spencer

Okay, you're lying. What makes you lie?

Freddie

I'm not lying.

Spencer

Yeah, you are. Feel like a big boy, telling your big boy lies?

Freddie

Spencer!

Spencer

Yes, little Larry Lies-a-Lot?

Carly

Okay, so where's our couch?

Spencer

YOU KNOW THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN COUCHES, OKAY?!

Carly

What?

Spencer

I don't know...

Sam

...I know that look. That's your thinking look.

Spencer

Oh, I'm thinking. You thinking?

Sam

Yeah, I'm thinking we thinking the same thing?

Spencer

We are, if we're thinking about a way to give Nevel a vehicle that's never been state registered and can go 25 miles an hour.

Sam

Oh... no. I was thinking about fried chicken.

Carly

You think he hit 25 miles an hour?

Spencer

Oh, yeah.

You can't do that kind of damage to a flower shop unless you doing at least 25. (an ambulance can be heard off screen)

Sam

Where'd you guys get those ice pops?

Spencer

Over there.

Spencer

I think someone broke your yo-yo.

Carly

I think you need to go downstairs.

Carly

Aww, his mother needs surgery.

Spencer

[deadpan] She's not gettin' it now.

Carly

[about Spencer] He's a terrible liar. One time we--

Spencer

Don't tell the story!

Carly

I'm telling the story! One time we were going to ride roller-coasters on a school day, and when Spencer came to get me, he told Ms. Briggs he was taking me to the doctor. So Ms. Briggs says "Which one?" and Spencer said...

Spencer

[meekly] Dr. Roller-coaster.

Carly

And guess what I didn't get to ride that day.

You are all a bunch of hob-knockers!

Carly

Hob-knockers?

I'm going downstairs to get some yah-gurt.

Carly

Yah-gurt?

Freddie

Um, We're in the middle of shooting YOUR music video!

No, you're all busy worshiping that filthy little beast! [disgusted] Ugh! Why are all Americans such idiots?! [slams door]

Spencer

I thought we were hob-knockers.

Spencer

Will my phone ring in the next five seconds? [shakes the Magic Meatball]

The answer is no. [Sam laughs lightly]

Spencer

[waits for 5 seconds; nothing happens] Spooky, huh?

Freddie

Why are you drinking ketchup?

Spencer

My magic meatball told me to. I'm tired, I'm gonna go take a nap.

Freddie

[on the phone; angrily] Because, I just don't see what's funny about FЯED. Well, it's not my fault he quit! Hey, you don't have to call me names. Oh, yeah? Well, you're a bigger one!! (angrily hangs up)

Carly

Who was that?

Freddie

My aunt Jennifer.

Sam

Who texted you?

Carly

Gibby. He wants us to check out some website called "neverwatchiCarly.com".

Sam

Well, that can't be good.

Carly

I know it can't be good! Freddie.

Freddie

Already on it. neverwatchiCarly.com.

Carly

[while she, Sam, and Freddie check out neverwatchiCarly.com] Oh, man! Some guy started a whole website just to try to stop people from watching iCarly?

Sam

All 'cause you irritated FЯED! [hurts Freddie who screams in pain]

Carly

Okay, let's not panic. How many people have signed up to support him?

Freddie

[refreshing the website] Um, a few hundred.

Sam

Okay, that's not so many. [Freddie does it again]

Freddie

Wait, I just refreshed the page now it's up to 3,000.

Carly

How many?!

Freddie

Refreshing. [he does it again] Yikes, 18,000.

Sam

Are you sure?!

Freddie

Refreshing! [he does it again] 90--

Carly

[interrupting Freddie] Okay, why don't we stop refreshing?! Ugh! [to Spencer] Uh, what you got there?

Spencer

A smoothie.

Sam

I think she meant the gigantic bird.

Spencer

Oh. This is Marvin, he's an ostrich. I just bought him.

Carly

Your magic meatball told you to?

Spencer

Yes. [doorbell rings] Hey, would you get that? Marvin wants a root beer. We're gonna go in the kitchen.

[paparazzi barges in Carly's door forcing them to talk about what happened on the last iCarly show] Carly! Any comment on the FЯED fight?!

Carly

What?! It's not a fight!

But iCarly killed FЯED! Don't you feel guilty?

Carly

No, Freddie was just expressing his opinion!

Do you agree with his opinion?

Yeah! [to Freddie] Do you also think the FЯED videos are terrible?

Freddie

I never said the FЯED videos are terrible!

Sam, is it true that you've been arrest 4 times?!

Sam

3 times! Get your facts right!

Carly

And get out of here! [as the reporters are talking, the group pushes them out, Freddie shuts the door and Carly puts in the latch]

Spencer

AAAAAH! Marvin bit my pants!

Carly

[reacting to Spencer saying no to her going to a MMA match] Okay, when did you suddenly turn uncool?!

Spencer

Um, when did you turn into a big baby who yells at me the first time she doesn't get what she wants?

Carly

Right when you stopped giving me what I want!

Spencer

Hey, what's up, Carly and friends?

Carly

Nothing!

Sam

Everything!

Spencer

Oh. Well, that's not vague. What's the problem?

Spencer

Now you listen to me, Nevel. You better give my little sister her website back, or I SWEAR I WILL--

Nevel

YOU'LL WHAT?!

Spencer

YOU DON'T WANNA KNOW WHAT I'LL DO!!!