Carly Shay quotes from iCarly

Now, I want you all to write a 10-page essay on the Louisiana purchase.

Carly

Um, we haven't even gotten to that chapter yet.

Too bad! Sometimes, things happen you're not prepared for!

Carly

But how are we suppose to write an essay on something you haven't taught us about yet?

I don't need your sass, Carly Shay.

Carly

Sass? Look, it's not fair to make us write 10 pages --

Let's make it 15 pages, yeah, that's right! Ow... I'm gonna go get some aspirin. Start reading chapter whatever. [leaves]

Carly

I'm not sassy!

Freddie

Her boyfriend must have dumped her hard.

Sam

No kidding. The lady is losing it.

Carly

Sometimes I'm bold, but I'm never sassy!

Freddie, why aren't you reading chapter whatever?

Freddie

Oh, um, 'cause I dropped my textbook in the bathtub last night.

Of course. You men are all the same. You lose interest in your textbook and then you just dump it in your filthy bath water!

Carly

Ms. Ackerman, you don't need to yell at Freddie in front of the whole class.

Oh, look! More back talk from the sass master!

Carly

I am NOT the sass master! And it's wrong for you to be mean to Freddie just 'cause your boyfriend broke up with you!

Sam

Wow, Carls. Maybe you are the sass master.

Now you go straight to the principal's office!

Carly

What?

You heard me!

Carly

But--

GO!

Carly

Why do I--

NOW!

Carly

Miss--

GET OUT!!!

Carly

Oh...

Freddie

Oh, hey! I uh, just got the new cable for the-- (sees Ms. Ackerman in her red dress) Whoa!

Carly

...I also said whoa.

Hey, Freddie, what are you doing here?

Freddie

I was just uh, coming over to help work on the web show... with Carly... WHOA!

Carly

Okay, why don't we go upstairs before you start drooling. (pushes him upstairs)

Have fun, you guys.

Freddie

(while being pushed, he repeatedly looks at Ms. Ackerman) Sick.

Carly

Go!

And if the vote says that we shouldn't be together... [to Spencer] THEN I HATE YOU! AND THE INTERNET! [she angrily takes her purse, opens the door, pushes a small vase on the floor and leaves]

Spencer

Okay. What was the point of all this? Now she's just gonna be mean and vicious to you guys at school.

Sam

I don't know.

Freddie

Lot of people watch iCarly.

Sam

And sometimes...

Carly

We make sure certain specific people watch.

Freddie

Yes. Yes, we do.

Spencer

[suspiciously] You guys are up to something, and [alarmed] I DON'T WANNA KNOW WHAT IT IS! [runs off]

I hope you haven't made any plans for this weekend, 'cause you're all gonna be up to your eyeballs in homework.

Sam

[whispering] When?

Carly

[whispering] Soon.

And today you will write 1,000 words on why men are dirty, rotten, stinktaitious, ungrateful, aw-- [she gets interrupted by FBI Agents]

Lauren Ackerman?

Yes? Who are you, people?

FBI.

You're under arrest. [he grabs her hands to handcuff her]

Arrest? For what?

For 500 counts of illegally downloading music on the internet.

Well, you have no proof!

Yes, we do. Ma'am? [Carly throws the pear pod to him, and he shows it to her teacher] I believe all the proof we need is on this pear pod.

And you admitted it last night on those kids' web show.

Which we recorded.

You set me up!

Freddie

That's a lie!

Carly

No, we set her up.

Freddie

Oh, yeah.

Sam

So, now what do we do?

Freddie

Yeah, we should probably tell principal Franklin that our teacher's been arrested.

Carly

Or we could go ice skating! [the class cheers and pack up as they go outside their classroom]

Sam

What up with the elevator?

Spencer

I don't know. It keeps breaking and getting stuck like this.

Carly

Come in.

Freddie

All right, who's ready to do a webshow?

Spencer

Hi, Freddie.

Freddie

Hey, Spencer.

Carly

The elevator keeps getting stuck.

Freddie

Ah.

Carly

Is everybody okay? What was that crash?

Spencer

We're fine. The elevator just dropped nine floors to the basement.

Yeah. How would I get down there?

Spencer

[sarcastically] I don't know. I guess the stairs.

Can you show me the stairs?

Spencer

Yeah, if you promise not to fix 'em.

Carly

Did you feel his arm muscles?

Sam

No.

Carly

Oh. Well, they're large.

Sam

You didn't feel his arm muscles!

Carly

[speaking very fast] Yes, I did, too! He told me that he can beat his dad in arm wrestling, and I said, "No way," and he said, "Oh, no, it's true," and I said, "Wow, you must be really strong," and he said, "Well, I work out a little bit," and I said, "Really?" And he said, "Yeah, you wanna feel my biceps?" And I said, "Sure, I do," and so I felt them, and they felt awesome.

Carly

I have a date with Shane tonight!

Sam

Obviously!

Carly

What's that supposed to mean?

Sam

Why don't you ask your new helping bra?!

Carly

(gasps) That's it! I'm out of here! (Carly walks out, walks back in) This is my house!

Carly

(defensively) There's nothing wrong with a little help.

Freddie

[picks up plastic bag] What's this?

Spencer

Bag of dog hair.

Freddie

Whoa! [drops bag]

Carly

Where'd you get a bag of dog hair?

Spencer

I stopped by that pet grooming place down the street.

Carly

Shampoodles?

Spencer

Uh-huh.

Carly

Hey, I thought you were Freddie.

Sam

If anyone else said that to me, I'd punch them in the mouth.

Freddie

This has nothing to do with Consuela!

Carly

Yes, it does! And I'm not leaving this room until you-- (sparks come out of the computer) AH! I'm going downstairs! (she runs, the computer sparks again, she screams and she goes out the door)

Freddie

Carly... (sparks come out again) AHHHH!

Sam

Gary Wolf is so gorgeous.

Carly

Why does he have to be a senior? A hot, hot senior?

Spencer

Carly? Carls? Hey?

Carly

(sleepy) Hmmmmmm?

Spencer

Did you play Pak-Rat all night?

Carly

Mm-hmm. It's so fun.

Spencer

Yeah. Alright, kiddo. Go on up to bed.

Carly

Carry me. (he does) It's such a fun game.

Spencer

I know.

Sam

Oh, man. I got another of those chain letter e-mails from Gibby.

Carly

Well, you better forward it, or you'll have all kinds of bad luck, just like Freddie did.

Sam

Freddie didn't have any bad luck.

Carly

What are you talking about?

Sam

I did all that stuff.

Carly

What? Wait. His bike falling apart?

Sam

I loosened some bolts.

Carly

His laptop smoking?

Sam

Shorted out the battery.

Carly

The pink shorts?

Sam

One red sock in his washing machine.

Carly

Okay, what about the spider on his face?

Sam

That was just lucky.

Freddie

Hey.

Carly

Hi. I gotta tell you something.

Freddie

You're gonna tell me that there was no bad luck? That Sam did all that stuff to me?

Carly

How'd you know?

Freddie

Well, I didn't know when it was my pink shorts and my laptop, but I saw her loosening the bolts on my bike.

Carly

But I thought your bike fell apart while you were riding it?

Freddie

Nope. I just pretended on that one.

Carly

So, you're not gonna try to get her back?

Freddie

You mean, do something devious, like send her a fake text message that looked like it came from Gary Wolf, telling her to meet him at the Crown Ridge Mall?

Carly

[chuckles in disbelief] I didn't know you could be so bad.

Freddie

You squished my trackpad finger!

Carly

That's not something a cool person says.

Freddie

I don't care! [to Sam] So are you gonna pay us back or what?

Sam

I was until I realized how much it'd be.

Carly

How much do you have?

Sam

Let's see. [reaches into pocket] I've got... 14 bucks... a double A battery... some string, a fork, and... I think that's an olive.

Carly

The olive's moving.

Sam

[grabs a fire extinguisher and bangs the table for a while] ... I got it.