Carly Shay quotes from iCarly

Freddie

Are you having some kind of lip seizure?

Carly

I'm trying to blend coconut lip gloss and pineapple lip gloss to create a Piña Colada flavor. [rubs lips together] I realize this isn't attractive.

Freddie

Actually, it kinda is. So, does it taste like Piña Colada?

Carly

You wanna find out?

Freddie

Yes!

Carly

(reading a text message) "Sam did nothing wrong. She didn't do the thing you're mad about. She's not that kind of... girf."

Principal Franklin

Girf?

Sam

Girl!

Carly

Well, you wrote girf!

Spencer

CARLY! CARLY, COME DOWN HERE! CARLY! CARLY!

Carly

Spencer, it's 6:00 in the morning.

Spencer

I know, but I've got big news!

Carly

I can't take you seriously when you're wearing duck pajama pants. (Spencer pulls down his pants) Duck boxers?

Freddie

...But wait. The fudge balls aren't free.

Carly

No, but when you subtract the cost of the fudge balls from the money our fans sent us, we still make $541 in profit. And Spencer wins the bike for the little sunshine girl.

Freddie

...But wait. What do we do with the money?

Carly

Well, we get to keep $541, and Sam owes us $526, so we give Sam the $526, and then she can pay us back and quit her stupid job.

Freddie

...But wait.

Carly

Stop saying "But wait"!

Freddie

Sam's not gonna take the money from us.

Carly

Why wouldn't she?

Freddie

It's a pride thing. It's why she won't quit her job. If we just give her the money, she won't feel like she really paid us back.

Carly

Yeah. Okay, how about this?

Freddie

Yeah?

Carly

We find some adult that Sam doesn't know.

Freddie

Okay.

Carly

And we give him the $526 and then he gives the money to Sam as a tip at the restaurant.

Freddie

That's brilliant.

Carly

Isn't it?

Freddie

...But wait.

Carly

WHAT?!

Freddie

That leaves an extra $15.

Carly

Yeah, $5 for me, $5 for Sam and $5 for you; Go nuts!

Freddie

Morning, girls. Check me out.

Carly

What?

Freddie

[lifts up shirt] No belt. And look-- [lifts up pants] Open-toed shoes.

Sam

[sarcastically] Wow, you're an animal.

Carly

But I thought your mom always makes you wear a belt, and never lets you wear open-toed shoes.

Freddie

Yeah, but since she's been taking care of Lewbert, I can pretty much do whatever I want. Last night? Slept with my socks on.

Sam

So?

Freddie

Just my socks.

Sam

[crunchy cheese snack pieces fall out of her mouth in shock]

THIS AIN'T TOMATO JUICE!

Carly

Then, what is it?

...Uh, nothing.

Freddie

My mom is a nutcase.

Carly

Uh, you're just now figuring that out?

Spencer

Hey. We gotta be at the airport in 45 minutes.

Sam

I better finish packing.

Carly

What are those, snacks?

Sam

Uh-huh.

Carly

"Fat Cakes?"

Sam

These are Low-Fat Fat Cakes.

Spencer

Whoa! That was intense.

Carly

Hey, your collar broke.

Spencer

Oh, yeah! At least now I don't have to worry about…(The collar shocks him in his hand) [screams] [breaks the collar in two]

Freddie

I think Freight Dog threw our luggage out of the plane.

Carly

What makes you think that… [luggages fall down from the plane]

Sam

The Fat Cakes are okay.

Freddie

Hey, did anybody see my red backpack come down? [Fred's backpack hits Marissa Benson] Oh!

Carly

Okay, I think that's everything.

Carly

Wait, so when do we perform?

Carly

And why was that funny?

You already won.

Carly

Wait, what?

The winners for best web comedy show is: iCarly!

Spencer

You guys wanna go get some breakfast?

Carly

Where?

Spencer

Galini's pie shop!

Carly

Pie for breakfast?

Spencer

No, no, don't say "Pie for breakfast?", say "PIE FOR BREAKFAST?!"

Freddie

[after trying to entertain the baby with a bear costume] I thought I heard you guys out here.

Carly

Freddie? Is that you in there?

Freddie

Yeah, It's me.

Sam

[dryly] Oh, my gosh. The bear ate Freddie. Bad bear! [smacks Freddie in the head with a baseball bat, and Freddie goes down]

Freddie

Ahhh! [Carly helps him up] Never do that again!

Sam

You're not the boss of me. [smacks Freddie again]

Carly

Mitch! Mitch! Mitch! Mitch!

Wow, you say, "Mitch" a lot!

Sam

Carly Shay?

Carly

Hi.

Sam

What do you want?

Carly

It's my fault you're in here.

Sam

YOU'RE the one who called the cops?! Dude, I swear to god when I get out of here...

Carly

No, you're in here 'cause I wished for Spencer to be normal.

Sam

Who's Spencer?

Carly

My brother. He made a magnetic tree that...

Sam

Dude, I barely know you.

Carly

You know me a lot. We were best friends 'till I made that stupid wish.

Sam

We were never friends. Just 'cause we used to go to the same school, that doesn't make you...

Carly

Okay. If we're not best friends, then, how would I know that you've slept with two different colored socks on your feet since you were little 'cause you think it's good luck? And how would I know that you're right-handed, but you punch harder with your left? And how would I know that your mom's foot has a tattoo on it?

Sam

A tattoo of what?

Carly

A foot.

Sam

How do you know my mom has a tattoo of a foot on her foot? How do you know all that stuff?

Carly

I told you, we're best friends.

Sam

What's my favorite color?

Carly

Brown.

Sam

Why?

Carly

It's the color of gravy.

Sam

What's my favorite junk food?

Carly

Fat cakes.

Sam

What's my favorite book?

Carly

Boogie Bear III: The Return of Boogie Bear.

Sam

What do I hate most?

Carly

People.

Sam

What do I wanna be when I grow up?

Carly

An invisible ninja.

Sam

...Wow...

Spencer

Carly, I think you better calm down.

Carly

I don't want to calm down!

She's crazy.

Carly

I heard that, Rona!

Can I get you some ibuprofen?

Carly

NO! (to Spencer) I just want you back! I want you the way you're supposed to be! I want you to make crazy sculptures, and to accidentally set stuff on fire, and to wear socks that light up. (to Mrs. Benson) And I want you to be single and lonely again! (to Nevel) And I want you to leave the country... (to Rona) And...nobody even likes you! (to Spencer) And... I want Sam back! (to Freddie) And I want you to be my friend and say "in five, four, three, two," but not the one, which I never understood, but I liked it! And... I just want my life back! (runs upstairs crying)

Nevel

Well. Bah, humbug.