Carly Shay quotes from iCarly

This is supposed to be a party. A birthday party, that will go on forever, and ever... [Nora joins her father]

And ever, and ever...

And ever, and ever, and ever...

Carly

Oh, my god.

Carly

Will you stop spinning my brother?!

Nora

No!

Carly

Why?! I sang you Happy Birthday like you wanted!

Nora

You were pitchy!

Carly

[gasps] Well.

Sam

Run, Gibby!!

Nora

Gibby?!

He's still in the house!

Check all the bedrooms.

Carly

You saw Gibby?!

Sam

No, I threw a glass thing in there to buy us some time.

Freddie

Time for what?!

Sam

To figure out a way to get us out of this 'nut-hut'! [hits Freddie continuously while saying it]

Freddie

Ow!

Carly

Why hasn't your freakish mother come looking for us by now?

Freddie

She thinks we're at the hotel with Spencer so why would she-? [Quickly remembers something and grabs the back of his head] The chip!

Sam

What chip?

Freddie

[turns to Sam] The one my mom had surgically installed in my head when I was a toddler.

Freddie

If it stops transmitting, it triggers an emergency signal to my mom's tracking device and tells her my location!

Sam

Oh, cool, then how do we make it stop transmitting!

Carly

Yeah, where's the off switch?

Freddie

I dunno, it's in my head!

Sam

[Smacks Freddie on the head and screams into his ear] Mrs Benson, help us!!

Carly

Shhh! Do you want the Dershilts to hear you?!

Freddie

Smacking me on the head isn't gonna make the chip stop working!

Carly

Then what will make it stop working?!

Sam

And trigger the emergency signal!

Freddie

I guess it would have to be electrically shorted out somehow.

Sam

Ohh!! [rushes over to the chair and searches quickly through her jacket] The shock pen!

Freddie

[worried] Oh, the shock pen?

Carly

Is that Spencer's?

Sam

Yeah I stole it, see?

Freddie

Why'd you steal his shock pen?

Sam

'Cause I like it, and I didn't have one!

Nora

Where's, Gibby?

Carly

Just don't look in you parent's shower!

Nora

Mother, mother! Gibby may be showering! [runs off to find Gibby again]

Sam

Ok Benson, I hope this thing is powerful enough to blow that chip-

Freddie

No no no no, let Carly do it.

Sam

Why?

Freddie

'Cause Carly cares about me. A least she'll try to be gentle. She won't just take the thing and stick it-

Sam

Here, gimme that?

Carly

What are you doing?

Sam

Just to be sure. [places the pen on Freddie's head once more]

Carly

Okay! This is outta control! We've been here for 15 hours, and we wanna leave!

Sam

[tries to open the door] OPEN THIS DOOR!!!!

No!!!

We may never open the door!!

Nora

That's right! [Pauses] Because my birthday party shall go on. Forever....

And ever, and ever, and ever, and ever, and ever....

Freddie!

Freddie

Mom!

Carly

T-Bo?

T-Bo

Chicken? [Maurice clucks]

Freddie! [Freddie runs over and hugs her]

Nora

Wh... what's... What's happening...?

Sam

You wanna know what's happening, Nora?

Carly

You and your freak parents are going to prison. Forever… (along with Sam and Freddie after what the Dershilts has said to them)

...And ever, and ever, and ever…

Nora

And ever?

Yes. And ever, and ever, and ever, and ever...

Carly

[Realizes something] Gibby!

Gibby

Hey! Anyone?! I'm still here! [Sobs] Gibbeh. [Kids throw balls at him] More balls?! [Starts sobbing while having more balls thrown at him by kids] Gibbeh.

Sam

Hey, if you're going to Yakima for the weekend how are we gonna do iCarly?

Carly

Oh yeah, you wanna host the show alone?

Sam

Naaah, I need somebody to banter with.

Freddie

Uhh, how about me? I could host iCarly with Sam.

Sam

Ooorr, I could fill a bag with yogurt and put a face on it?

Carly

That is hilarious. You could call him Baggels.

Sam

Baggels! I love that!

Freddie

You'd rather do comedy with a sack of yogurt than me?

Freddie

I can be creative! I've been working on some really funny characters and stuff.

Sam

Oh my god, no no no.

Carly

Sam.

Freddie

I've done stuff on the show before!

Sam

Little stuff.

Carly

That we wrote.

Freddie

Just let me host the show with Sam one time.

Carly

Ok.

Freddie

Yes! [turns to Sam with a pleading look.]

Sam

Whatevs.

Freddie

Yes! This is gonna be awesome! Yeah yohooo!

Carly

Have Baggels standing by.

Sam

Yeeepp.

Freddie

Come on. Let's go meet Gibby at the Smoothie.

Spencer

Okay.

Carly

[Comes out of the elevator with her suitcase] I'm back.

Spencer

[Opens the door] Later.

Freddie

See you.

Sam

Bye, Carls.

Carly

Okay wait, is it straight?

Freddie

Ummm, I think my side needs to be a little higher.

Carly

[looks at Sam] Sam.

Carly

What are you doing with that balloon?

Sam

Taping the string to Freddie's phone.

Freddie

My.... [rummages around for his phone in a slight panic] Get your hands off my phone!

Sam

No prob. [lets go of the balloon]

Freddie

Oh, no...

Carly

Sam...

Freddie

You get my phone down from there right now!

Sam

'Kay.

Freddie

No no wait, I want you t-

Freddie

Not sure the warranty covers that.

Gibby

Gibbay! Woah, you guys getting ready for a party?

Sam

Yep.

Freddie

Carly's dad's coming home for a few days.

Carly

And it's the first time in 3 years that I get to spend his birthday with him.

Gibby

So, Spencer's not your dad?

Carly

[half-annoyed] No.

Gibby

Oww!

Sam

[annoyed] You deserved that.

Gibby

Great. Now when I sit I'm gonna have to put all my weight on my left buttock.

Spencer

Okay! Okay, tell me what you guys think, huh? [makes funny noises while doing a weird jog on the spot, He is wearing a suit]

Sam

What?!

Freddie

You got a job interview?

Spencer

Ew, no, gross.

Carly

He never told our dad that he dropped out of law school so now he wants to pretend he graduated and that he's a lawyer in a big law firm.

Spencer

[fake laughs] I gotta! You want dad to come home and be disappointed in me?

Carly

He's been disappointed in you since you were 9!

Freddie

Is that when Spencer set that ice-cream truck on fire?

Carly

Yes.

Spencer

[annoyed] It was an accident!

Carly

Accident or not, it put Mr. Creamstein out of business!

Gibby

Woah ho ho, what's this?

Carly

Don't touch it.

Sam

That's her dad's birthday cake.

Carly

Yeah, it's an exact replica of an Air Force, F22, fighter jet.

Spencer

Aha! Which I have specially rigged with automatic, self-lighting candles.

Carly

Spencer- [tries to grab the remote off of him]

Spencer

Don' touch me, your dirty. [everyone looks around all confused] When we show dad the cake he say "Well, why aren't the candles lit?" and then Carly will say "Well what do you mean the candles aren't lit?" and then I'll press this button, and-

Carly

I'll order another cake.

Freddie

What's wrong?

Spencer

That was my dad, he, he can't come home now.

Sam

What?!

Freddie

No way?!

Spencer

Yeah, there's some situation in some country, I dunno, he's gotta help handle it.

Freddie

Well who's gonna tell Carly?

Sam

I'm not telling Carly.

Spencer

Why?!

Sam

Because it's going to be like slapping a sweet puppy in the face!

Spencer

SO you're gonna make me tell her that her father-

Carly

Junior Curnal Carly Shay with a new jet fighter birthday cake requesting permission to land. [shuts the door] Dad is gonna love this, and right after he blows out the candles, Spencer, you and I are gonna give him huge hugs. And Freddie, I want you to get it all on video okay?

Spencer

Um.. [turns to Sam and Freddie]

Spencer

Weenies!

Carly

Why are they weenies?

Spencer

I dunno, some people are just, born with the weenie gene.

Carly

Okay, something's going on here.

Spencer

Yeah, sit. [he and Carly both sit on the couch] Carly, sometimes, in life-

Carly

I know. A man and a woman fall in love and they get special feelings-

Spencer

No, no. Not that. Dad had a change of plans, and he can't come home right now.

Carly

[shocked] He is too coming home, he told me.

Spencer

Yeah, he was, but, there's a military situation-

Carly

But we planned a big birthday party and everything.

Spencer

I know, I'm sad about it too, but-

Spencer

Don't be mad at him.

Carly

I'm not mad I just... I just miss him.

Spencer

You wanna talk about it?

Carly

No.

Freddie

Hey!

Sam

Did you just call us weenies?

Spencer

Yes.

Sam

Ok.

Freddie

Later

Sam

How can you not be mad?

Carly

Mr. Howard had every right to be mad at me. I was texting in class.

Freddie

But he took your phone?

Carly

He'll give it back.

But-

Carly

Okay, okay. Nothing can put me in a bad mood. You guys hooked me up so I could talk to my dad on his birthday. That's it. Your both gettin' hugs.

Umm, well, no, no-

Carly

No, no c'mon. It's happening, your getting hugs. Your getting a hug. I love you guys. [Sam and Freddie thank her during the hug] I love you.

Spencer

Heeyy.

Carly

Um, who are-

I'm Agent Kinsey, these are Agents Farrow and Morris.

We're with the United States Secret Service.

Spencer

Heeyy.

This is about your recent webcast.

To a secure military base over-seas.

Spencer

Heeyy.

Carly

I don't understand this.

Just relax Ma'am.

Spencer

How can we relax when 3 secret service agents are tearing our apartment to pieces?!

We're just checking your place out.

Sam

Why?!

Let's just say that your recent iCarly webcast caught the attention of someone very high up in the US Government.

Sam

Oh great!

Freddie

[tries to comfort Sam] Stay calm.

Sam

I can't stay calm! I promised my mom I wouldn't cause any more trouble with the US Government!

[His machine bleeps] Clear.

Alright, we're done here for now. Please don't leave town until we contact you again.

Carly

Why can't we leave town?

Just don't leave town.

Carly

Okay. [sounding scared] Thanks for watching iCarly!

Freddie

Has Sam shown up?

Carly

No. Nobody's seen her all day.

Sam

[whispers to Carly and Freddie] Psst! Over here.

Carly

Where have you been?!

Sam

Getting stuff. [starts getting things out of her school bag] Here's a wig for you, [puts a wig on Carly's head] and a wig for you. [puts a wig on Freddie's head] Passport for Carly and a passport for this one. [gives them each a passport]

Freddie

What's this stuff for?

Sam

We're blowing this country. We're heading to the airport and buying one-way tickets to Amsterdam.

Carly

Sam.

Sam

Well you wanna stay here in this country and go to Federal Prison for hacking into a secure communications network?!

Freddie

How are we gonna pay for one-way tickets to Amsterdam?!

Sam

Pfft. [gets out a bag of jewelery] I got all my mom's engagement rings. Now let's head into a coin shop turn this bling into cash and get the fugde out of dodge.

Freddie

Uhh, I think it might be too late for that.

Miss Shay, Mr Benson, Miss Puckett.

Sam

[In a deep manly voice] Puckett, uh, are you looking for Sam Puckett? She passed away. Funeral's Thursday bye. [begins to hurry off]

Miss Puckett.

Sam

[throws her backpack onto the floor] Alright. [gets on her knees with her hands behind her head] Put the cuffs on loose would ya? I don't like it when they dig into my wrist.

Just come with us. [Pulls Sam up]

Carly

So.. I'm confused, are we in trouble?

No, not at all!

Spencer

She watched iCarly online last week.

Carly

No way!

Freddie

Seriously?!

Sam

For real?!

Michelle Obama

Uh huh, my daughters are big fans and I am too.

T-Bo

[walks through Carly and Spencer's front door] Wait, is she-

Spencer

Close it!

Sam

So what are you doing here? Um.. your, excellency. [takes a small bow]

Freddie

You don't call her your excellency.

No, no, I kinda like it.

I came here to say, I'm proud of you.

Carly

Why are you proud of us?

[points at Carly] Because of how much you care for your father, [then points at Sam and Freddie] and because of what you two did for your friend.

Freddie

You mean, setting up the surprise birthday party on iCarly?

Uh huh, my husband and I talk to a lot of people with family in the military.

Spencer

[puts his hands on Mrs Obama's shoulders] Her husband is the president.

Spencer

Sorry. [takes his hands off Mrs Obama's shoulders and takes a few steps back]

Freddie

Why are you bringing a big suitcase? We're just going to Canada for the day.

Gibby

Yeah. So I brought some hair care products, uh, some extra batteries, a change of underpants.

Gibby

Is that a problem?

Freddie

[Looks at Gibby] No.

Gibby

That's what I thought.

Spencer

[Takes his jacket from a jacket hanger] Come on, guys. We gotta hit the road. [Puts on his jacket]

Sam

We don't have to be at the Fat Cake Factory 'til one.

Spencer

Yeah, but it's a two-hour drive. We gotta go through security at the border.

Gibby

Why? It's not like Canada's a different country.

Freddie

Yes, it is.

Gibby

I thought it was like Idaho.

Spencer

Idaho's a state– in our country.

Gibby

Look, I don't need a lecture.

Sam

You sure you're not gonna come?

Carly

I want to but I already bailed on Lance twice and he's really cool. And if I bail again, he's gonna think I don't like him, and I really do like him. Besides, I haven't kissed a guy in four months. I'm gettin' itchy.

Freddie

What time's your date?

Carly

Handsome Lance is picking me up at five o'clock. With his car.

Gibby

So what are you gonna do 'til then?

Carly

Probably take a long hot bath, and I'll blow my hair out, maybe I'll do my nails–

Sam

Bye.

Freddie

Later.

Spencer

See ya.

Gibby

Gibbeh.

Carly

[banging on a metal pole with the shower head] Help! Heelpp! Ausie Stance! Anyone?! Please! A cute boy is gonna be here any minute and I'm all wrinkled like an elderly raisin!! Urgh, this day could not get worse.

[walks into Carly's bathroom] Urgh, it's you!

Carly

Mrs Benson!

Will you stop banging and screaming? I heard you all the way from my apartment.

Carly

That was the point.

Oh, [gasps] You bathe in your sweatshirt too? I thought I was the only one.

Carly

I don't bathe in my sweatshirt, I got my toe stuck in the fauset.

How?

Carly

I saw some dumb person do it on the 'Dick Van Dike' show. C'mon, could you please just help me get it out?

[under her breath] Alright. I'll give it a yank. [sits down on the bath tub] Ready?

Carly

Okay, just be really careful ok-

[yanking on Carly's foot] Argh!

Carly

Ow!

Argh!

Carly

Oww!

Argh!

Carly

Owww!

Argh!

Carly

Ow!

Am I hurting you?

Carly

No I love it!!

Hey, everything alright?

Carly

[shocked] Lance!

Sorry, I heard screaming so I thought I should come up?

[holding pepper spray] Put your hands down!

Who's the boy?

Carly

My date.

[to Carly in a quite flirty voice] Hey.

Carly

[trying to act flirty in the bath tub] Heeyy.