Carly Shay quotes from iCarly

You threw a book at T-Bo.

Yeah, and just because he made you some stuffed mushroo-[notices the area they are in] Hey. Uh, hey, wha-

(notices he is Robbie) Gibbeh?

(hesitantly and shocked) When I make it shine...!

[the group all stares straight, then at each other, then straight again]

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Okay, at what point did I have insanely long hair?

Carly

It was around the time Freddie got hit by that taco truck.

And Carly and I kissed.

And you and I were playing that assassin game.

Carly

12 million viewers?

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Carly! You gotta come back with me! [gives Carly her backpack]

Carly

Back where?

To a future episode.

Carly

But, I'm supposed to do iCarly stuff tonight with Sam and Freddie.

Well, bring them along, this concerns them too! [gives Freddie his camera and Sam her remote]

Whoa, whoa, wait a second.

Carly

What are you talking about?

What happens to us in the future, do we become hobknockers or something?

No no, you guys all turn out fine. It's your kids.

Carly

What?!

Ninos?!

What kids?!

Carly

Whos kids?!

Um, yours [points to Carly] and his? [points to Freddie] Or his [points to Freddie] and hers, [points to Sam] or hers [points to Sam again] and his, [points to Freddie] I don't remember, but something's gotta be done about your kids!

Carly

Well, how do we get to a future episode of iCarly?

[T-Bo flys out of Spencer's room in a bubble]

Y'all can hitch a ride with me.

Hurry T-bo! Beam us onboard!

And smallify us.

Energising. [beams the others onboard]

C'mon T-Bo let's go!

Carly

Wait! In the future, is iCarly still on in reruns?

Reruns? Where we're going we don't need... [puts his costume glasses on] Reruns.

Hang on! [starts moving his spaceship bubble]

[Everyone makes whirling noises, then they all scream and cheer as they fly through the screen into the future.]

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[shouts down the corridor] Carly, c'mon!

[Carly walks round the corner with all the luggage, groaning. She drops the bags and leans against Freddie's front door, but the door opens and she falls in and screams. She gets up, still groaning and closes the door]

How you doing?

Carly

[Throws a hat on the floor] I'm sick and dying! Urgh!

Maybe I should take you to a doctor.

Carly

No. [Starts picking all the bags back up] no, just, open our door so I can... go in there and just be alone.

[Spencer opens the front door]

[Sam, Freddie, Gibby and T-Bo are all hanging out in their apartment]

Hey! HEY!

[They all say hi]

Carly

[walks in to find Sam, Freddie, Gibby and T-Bo partying in the apartment] What is going on here?

I'm cooking steaks.

Playing video games.

I'm in a kiddie pool!

Gibbeh!!!

How long, have you guys been hanging out in OUR apartment?

Uh, how long you guys been on vacation?

8 days.

'bout 8 days.

Carly groans and falls to the floor

She ok?

No, she's like dying.

Gib, help her up!

Kk.

Gibby helps Carly stand up

Man, she looks sicky sick.

Yeah, she's got jungle worms.

[drops Carly] Oh my god! Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god!! [runs out of the apartment]

What are jungle worms?

They're like these scuzzy little parasites that set up camp in your guts.

Spencer helps Carly onto the couch while she continues groaning

How do you know about jungle worms?

My mom got them from using some foreign guy's toothbrush.

So, what are the symptoms?

Uhh, dry mouth..

Carly

I'm so thirsty.

..chills..

Carly

Can someone cover me with a blanket?

..moaning..

Carly

[moans]

..groaning..

Carly

[groans]

..and a lot of, you know..

[Carly runs into the bathroom and throws up]

vomiting.

Poor kid.

Yeah.

One of us should probably get in there and help her.

Hey these steaks are ready.

[They all go over to Sam for some steak, leaving Carly in the bathroom alone]

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Can he stand?

LLouis

Here, let's try.

[Louis, Zayn and Niall try helping Harry stand up but he groan and falls back onto the chair.]

LLiam

Wow. He's really sick.

What do you think's wrong with him?

HHarry

I feel cold. And thirsty. Can somebody hold me?

LZLouis, Zayn and Niall

No.

LLouis

Here, have some more of this water.

[Louis picks Carly's bottle up from the floor and hands it to Harry. Carly steps forward and takes the bottle from Harry.]

Carly

Harry, you drank from my water bottle?

HHarry

Yeah.

Carly

Oh, my god. I gave Harry Styles jungle worms!

NOOO!

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I know what might motivate Harry to get out of bed and back on stage.

You think I should work him over with the butter sock?

Carly

You know, I really, really, don't.

ZZayn

Did she say butter sock?

LLiam

Is that a sock...?

LLouis

...Full of butt-ah?

Do you guys want to hear my idea?

Carly

Yes!

NNiall

Does it involve the butter sock...?

No! I just thought Harry might suddenly feel better if he thought he was going to be replaced in One Direction.

Whoa wait replace Harry?

Not for real we just make him think he's going to be replaced.

LLouis

Who with?

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Carly

Sam's your partner?

She makes a rocking hot meat sandwich.

The secret is hot meat.

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(Carly, Freddie, and Spencer are hiding from Spencer's alarm robot)

Carly

We've got to get back to school!

We have a history test!

Carly

Can't you turn your stupid alarm bot off?

I am trying to disarm it!

ABAlarm Bot

(Spencer pushes a button on his remote) Armed. (He pushes it again) Armed. (He pushes it again) Armed.

Gah, I can't turn it off! Maybe we can-

(the doorbell rings)

Wait! That was just the doorbell, right?

Carly

Or does that mean your stupid killing machine's about to explode?

It was just the doorbell.

(from the other side of the door) Hello? What's happening in there?

It's my mom! If she opens the door, she's gonna get blasted!

(yelling) Mrs. Benson, don't open the door! I'm not wearing pants!

Oh, my gosh!

ABAlarm Bot

Scanning pants...

Carly

Wait!

What?

Carly

If your mom opens the door then that crazy killing machine's gonna focus on her, and then Spencer can run over and unplug it!

Oh, that's good!

No! I don't want my mom to get blasted in the face and torso with popcorn kernels!

Carly

Oh, why not?

She's so irritating! It'll just be for a second 'til I unplug it.

(sighs) Alright, fine! Do it!

(yelling) Okay, Mrs. Benson, I found my pants! C'mon in!

(Mrs. Benson opens the door and walks into the apartment)

What is going on in here?

ABAlarm Bot

(focuses on Mrs. Benson) Tracking intruder.

I do not appreciate all of the noise that's been coming from... AAH!

(the Alarm Bot starts shooting Mrs. Benson with popcorn kernels. She is backed up against her door in the hallway)

(to Spencer) GO!

Carly

Go unplug it!

Yeah, I'll go!

(Spencer runs over to the outlet where the Alarm Bot is plugged in to. He starts pulling at the plug, but it doesn't come out. Mrs. Benson shouts as the Alarm Bot continues to pelt her with popcorn kernels)

Hurry up!

Carly

Unplug it!

I AM TRYING! (Spencer pulls the outlit out of the wall, still not unplugging the Alarm Bot) Oh, my gosh!

Dude!

Carly

What?!

(Spencer still struggles with unplugging the Alarm Bot. Mrs. Benson keeps shouting as the Alarm Bot countinues to pelt her)

Get it out!

What's happening?! What am I being pelted with?!

(the Alarm Bot is beginning to run out of popcorn kernels. Spencer is still trying to unplug it)

What are you doing?

Carly

Come on!

(the Alarm Bot fires at Mrs. Benson a few more times before finally running out of popcorn kernels and stopping)

ABAlarm Bot

Empty.

(finally pulls the plug out of the outlet) GOT IT! (raises his arms victoriously in the air) YEAH!

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[In a deep voice] Luke, I am your father.

Carly

[In a deep voice] Don't play around!

[In a deep voice] Why you so UPTIGHT?

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[Gibby takes off the purple robot head from Freddie]

This is the WORST party ever.

[feeling ashamed] Dude, I am so sorry. I didn't know you--

[yells at Spencer] TWENTY TIMES?! You had to slam me twenty times?!

[gives Freddie a pink stuffed unicorn] Here.

[Freddie hits Spencer with pink stuffed unicorn in anger for dropping him the Jerk Basket]

Carly

Why?!

Nevel

'Cause! You iCarlys were supposed to help me regain my popularity after the bread and butter pickle incident with that little girl, and you failed!

No, we didn't fail!

Carly

We did help you!

It's not our fault that afterwards and you went screamed at some dude in a wheelchair!

Nevel

He rolled over my foot and scratched my loafers!

Well, who gives a rat's--

Carly

[interrupting Sam] Sam.

What?! Don't you think--

Carly

Stop! Stop. [sighs] He's right.

What?!

Carly?

Are you kidding me?!

Carly

NO! After that video went viral of Nevel screaming at that man in a wheelchair... we should've done something to help him.

Why should've we helped him?

Carly

It's our fault!

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Carly

So, I was thinking to close the show, instead of random dancing...

Yeah.

Carly

...we can try random scratching, and then maybe Freddie could-

Hey! Ohhh, done! Whoo! [Sam and Carly just look at Spencer without saying anything] I say, it's done! Woooooo! [Sam and Carly still don't say anything] C'mon, ask me about it!

We can see, you made a snowman!

Uhhh, it's a snowwoman, duh. Can't you see her snowbahoobies? That's how you know that it's a- [a snowboob falls off] Dang it! Ah, I can fix that, wait. Urgh!

[Elevator opens and Gibby comes out of it]

Hey hey, guess what. I started using deodorant. [Everyone looks at him oddly] But I can't decide which scent I like best, so under my right arm I used Ocean Breeze... [Sam quickly gets out of her chair away from Gibby] ...and under my left I used Summer Swagger. Carly, c'mon. Which one smells best?..

Carly

Gibby, no no, Gibby no... [tries to get Gibby to stop him from making her smell his underarms]

[Gibby forces Carly's head under his underarm]

Alright, that's the Ocean Breeze.

[Carly keeps trying to escape]

I'd stop this if it wasn't hilarious.

[Carly is finally free]

Now smell the left, let's go. [Carly is forced under his other pit and keeps trying to escape again] Okay, that's the Summer Swagger. Breathe it in deep. [Carly's free again] So which one you like best?

Carly

Probably the Ocean Breeze.

I knew it! Hey, is that a snowlady?

Straight up!

I think one of her bahoobies might've--

Yeah, I know about it!

Okay.

Hello, good people, and Sam!

Hey.

What up with the fruit bowl, fruit bowl?

I just thought you guys might like some pears, Pear for you, [to Carly] pear for you, [to Spencer] pear for you. [to Gibby]

I'm wearing deodorant.

Carly

So, why the pears?

'Cause this Freddie just got himself a job working at the Pear Store.

Carly

Cool!

You're selling computers?

Yep! Ipears, Pear Phones, Pear Pads, Pear-port Extremes, and all other Pear related products and accessories.

I love products and accessories.

Do we get a discount?

I do. You do not.

Hey, Gib... Why don't you see which deodorant Freddie likes best?

Ooh, Yeah!

What do you mean which deodorant I like best? [Gibby grabs him] Oh! Gibby.

Oh, all right, Okay.

Gibby.

Just breathe in... Come on breathe, Gibby.

There! I fixed her. And check this out. Her nose lights up. [His sculpture sets on fire] No!

Carly

Ah!

(Screaming) What?! [Smoke alarm beeps] Aw!

Carly

I'll call the Fire Department.

I'll disable the smoke alarm.

Aw!

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Uh, Chief Donker...

CDChief Donker

Don't talk to me!

I tried so hard to put the fire out myself, but it just kept getting bigger and bigger and... [Chief Donker pushes him down] What are you doing? Why are you... You're pushing me... I... Oh... What is he... Ah! I see it. Okay.

Carly

Chief Donker, we really appreciate you coming here. Again.

CDChief Donker

Thanks. You're a nice girl. I'll miss you.

Carly

Yeah, well-wait. What do you mean you'll miss me?

CDChief Donker

I mean, the Fire Department is done with you people.

(tries to get up) Done? I don't understan-

CDChief Donker

GET BACK DOWN! (he does)

Ah!

Carly

Um, can you explain...

CDChief Donker

Do you know how many times your brother has accidentally started fires?

Carly

I don't know. Many.

FFireman

18!

17!

CDChief Donker

What about this one?!

Oh, yeah, 18, if you count this one.

CDChief Donker

Come on everybody, we're done here.

Carly

But--

CDChief Donker

Forever.

Carly

But you're the Fire Department, You can't not come here if we have a fire!

CDChief Donker

You watch us not come here.

Carly

No, but... Would you... No just please, what... I'm an honor student! [Chief Donker slams the door. Carly gets upset at Spencer when he tries to get up again] Get back down!

Aw!

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Carly

Can you help me? No one else is available.

TTrey

Sure.

Carly

Awesome.