Dr. Lisa Cuddy quotes from House

Hi. I'm the guy who saved your life.

[observing outside with Dr. Foreman] So what if it's House?

Dr. Foreman

Then I take the job at Mount Zion.

There is no job at Mount Zion.

Dr. Foreman

House said...

Well, if House said it, it must be true.

Dr. Cuddy

I can fire him. I can fire him now. I can fire him tomorrow. I don't even need a re-

She doesn't fire me. She never WILL fire me. She needs me -

Dr. Cuddy

He's a good doctor, that's all. I respect his expertise and I -

She's hot for me.

PPatient

Shut up.

Dr. Cuddy

Well, that could have been either of us.

PPatient

You have great ya-boos.

Dr. Cuddy

[Trying] Still could have been either of us.

[Smiles] You lose. [Starts victory dance]

Dr. Cuddy

Seriously, I have always thought my breasts were one of my best features.

Dr. Foreman

[seeing House doing his victory dance from outside the room] Damn.

S4 E5 Mirror Mirror

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Dr. Cuddy

Hire a woman, too.

Hire two women.

Dr. Cuddy

You can have the one that gives a crap about people.

[seriously] They both do.

Dr. Cuddy

Right. Hire Thirteen. [Dr. House nods obediently. Dr. Cuddy starts to walk off. An evil smile forms on Dr. House's face. Dr. Cuddy stops midway to the door, suddenly understanding.] This was your plan all along.

[She turns to him. Dr. House keeps smiling. Dr. Cuddy chuckles.]

Dr. Cuddy

Well, at least the games are over.

How long have you known me?

[Dr. Cuddy smiles knowingly. She leaves. House gets off the desk and goes towards the door. He takes a last look at the lecture hall, then turns off the lights and leaves.]

S4 E9 Games

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People don't change. For example, I'm going to keep repeating "People don't change."

Dr. Cuddy

So alcoholics that successfully go through treatment don't exist?

They're still alcoholics. If they never take a drink as long as they live, it's only because they didn't live long enough.

S4 E12 Don't Ever Change

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Dr. Cuddy

[reading House's performance review] A disturbingly large proportion of your comments are either racist or sexist.

That top makes you look like an Afghani prostitute... would be an example of that.

S4 E13 No More Mr. Nice Guy

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CDr. Conway

Heard about House's patient. Bold move. And you backed him.

Dr. Cuddy

He was right.

CDr. Conway

He wasn't even in the same neighborhood as right.

Dr. Cuddy

The patient's alive.

CDr. Conway

Okay, the rules exist because 95% of the time for 95% of the people, they're the right thing to do.

Dr. Cuddy

And the other 5%?...

CDr. Conway

...Have to live by the same rules. Because everybody thinks they're in that 5%.

S4 E14 Living the Dream

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Dr. Cuddy

I didn't know you rode the bus.

I used to drive home after getting drunk, but some mothers got "MA-D-D".

What are you doing here? You weren't on the bus with me.

Dr. Cuddy

Then I guess this isn't a memory - this is a fantasy.

If it's a fantasy, you'd be wearing this.

[The camera cuts back to Dr. Cuddy, who is now dressed like a stripper]

Dr. Cuddy

You're convinced your patient is dying and you want to waste your time with a sex fantasy?!

Don't blame me, blame my gender.

Dr. Cuddy

Well, I'm not here to indulge that, I'm here to help you figure out what symptom you saw. Your patient was driving the bus so all you could see was-

[Interrupts] Why can't you do both?

[Sensual music starts playing and Dr. Cuddy starts stripping provocatively while carrying out a differential diagnosis with House]

Dr. Cuddy

[Stops stripping and looks at Dr. House] I'm distracting you. [starts to get up]

No! [Cut back to Dr. Cuddy who is now dressed normally and sits down next to House] Dance, woman!

Dr. Cuddy

[Resignedly] You'd rather be diagnosing.

I screamed "no"!

Dr. Cuddy

And your own subconscious ignored you. I guess you'd rather fantasize about finding symptoms. How screwed up is that?

S4 E15 House's Head

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You should call time of death.

Dr. Cuddy

Technically, she's still alive. Could probably survive a few more hours on bypass. We can wean her off anesthesia, wake her up, give you a chance to-

That would be cruel. Don't.

Dr. Cuddy

Wake Amber up. See her again. Tell her what she means to you.

Wake her up to tell her that she's... that she's... [Wilson breaks down. Cuddy embraces him.]

Dr. Cuddy

You are waking her up so that you could both say goodbye to each other. She would want it.

S4 E16 Wilson's Heart

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Cuddy

When was the last time you talked to him?

Uh, I think it was after... when did his girlfriend die? He wanted time alone. I considered being a horrendous pain in the ass, but I didn't want to tred on your turf.

S5 E1 Dying Changes Everything

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Cuddy

How'd you know that I liked roses?

Lucas

I was in your house last night.

S5 E3 Adverse Events

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Cuddy

Thirty-seven-year-old male with recurring blackouts.

Tell him to switch from tequila to bourbon. Worked for me.

S5 E6 Joy

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[Cuddy is sitting crying on the floor of the nursery she created that might never be used; someone knocks at the door and she answers it to find House]

Cuddy

It's really not the greatest time for gloating.

[walking in] There's more than one baby in the sea. The world is full of teenaged boys riding bareback.

Cuddy

[shaking her head] No, I'm done. I can't go through that again.

You're quitting, just like you quit IVF.

Cuddy

Yeah, just like that.

There, you just said it again. [Cuddy smiles] That's too bad. You would have made a great mother.

Cuddy

[looking up in disbelief] You son of a bitch. When I was getting a baby, you told me I would suck as a mother. Now that I've lose it, you tell me I'd be great as a mother. [Approaching House in anger] Why do you need to negate EVERYTHING!?

[quietly] I don't know. [Cuddy stares at him]

[House moves in and the two share a passionate kiss]

S5 E6 Joy

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KKutner

What's Cuddy doing in your office?

Other than throwing off the feng shui with her ass that faces all eight sides of the bagua at once?

Cuddy

[from the other room] These walls aren't sound proof!

[calling over his shoulder] I'm well aware!

S5 E10 Let Them Eat Cake

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[To Cuddy, talking on the phone] Have you seen my balls?

Cuddy

[To person on phone] Can you hold on a second? [Looks at House]

My balls. Have you seen my balls? Giant one and the red one...

Cuddy

Your plan isn't gonna to work.

Of course it is. I try to make you miserable, to make you leave; you deny that it's making you miserable and you try to make me miserable, so I'll stop making you miserable, and eventually you will leave, citing reasons that had nothing to do with misery...

Cuddy

You're not bothering me.