Adams quotes from House

Dr. House

Mr. Adams, would you step outside for a moment?

Why?

Dr. House

Because you irritate me.

I checked your file. You didn't have a bad lawyer. You had no lawyer. You took the first deal they offered because you wanted to punish yourself. You think getting beat up, saving this one guy is going to wipe your slate clean?

House

No.

Then why are you doing this?

House

Because I have a gift.

House

Before I went to Med School. Thought about getting a PHD in Physics. You ever hear of dark matter? The galaxies rotate. Motion of the universe. It means there's six times more stuff than we can detect. But it's theorized. No one's ever proved it exists.

So uh, so you want to research it? Why?

House

It's the greatest mystery there is. Theory of everything.

And completely divorced from humanity.

House

Me and humanity, we got married too young.

You said we were meeting for coffee.

House

Well, when someone asks you if you want coffee, they obviously don't just mean coffee. Wait, did you think I was referring to sex? [to Park] Would you shut the blinds on the way out?

House

In the meantime, there's no way a do-gooder like you isn't volunteering all over town. Ladling kittens, spaying soup.

There is a free clinic in Trenton.

House

Well, think of it as today's free clinic, only with fewer bums with herpes.

You do know I punched the last person that pissed me off?

[while rolling her eyes and walking away] Was it Santa?

I could do $5,000.

House

Really? No backsies?

If.... you double your clinic hours. 6 a week. I've seen how you disrespect those patients.

House

So you want twice as many of them disrespected?

Spend more hours with them, you'll treat them more humanely.

House

And this time a land war in Russia will be a good idea.

Thad Barton? We only help rich white guys?

House

I am an equal opportunity exploiter. I only help those who can help myself.

House

I claim this burger in the name of Queen Isabella of Spain.

I'll go check on the patient. [she gets up and House is about to bite down on her burger] I have hepatitis C.

[as House is about to bite down on her burger instead] She got it from me.

Chase

If people told nothing but the truth, the world would probably burn down overnight.

Some people think it's burning now. Maybe if everybody didn't lie...

House

Aw, that is cute. I'm talking about your breasts. They always get perky when you're being painfully earnest. Truth. It's uncomfortable, isn't it? More truth... I only noticed because Chase was staring at them. He'd never admit it, because he doesn't want to offend you. Same reason he'd never tell you that he's thought about having sex with you. Although, to be fair, every man you've ever met has thought about having sex with you. They'll lie, because if you knew, you probably wouldn't want to have sex with them. And that's just some of the lies from the last minute. And here's a bigger one: you already know this, but you pretend you don't because it makes you feel civilized. Most people find it easier to ignore the truth.

Foreman

14 year old girl - intermittent attacks.

House

4 year old boy - consistently at death's door.

This patient died 5 years ago.

House

I didn't say which side of the door he was on.

Am I weird?

Chase

Yeah, but you're hot so it's easier to put up with.

Wait, why would you think his wife poisoned him?

House

Because dangerous people don't break into your home, they live in it. And although his kids are old enough to want Daddy dead, they're still too young to do anything about it.

Taub

Must be such a pleasure to live in your head.

House

You're right. Kids might be precocious.

Sex releases oxytocin. It's the neurochemical basis for bonding.

House

And that's why men always marry their right hands.

It's different for girls.

No it's not. I've tapped over 30 guys and never wanted to see most of them again. [everyone stares] I live next to a Jewish frat.

House

We are veering wildly off track. Please continue.

Do you think people can change?

Chase

No. But I don't think that's gonna change your opinion, because... people don't change.