Allison Cameron quotes from House

Dr. Cameron

Parents are never as bad as kids think they are.

Cameron

[Mocking House for something similar he said earlier] Did you figure that out by taking off your sunglasses to the strains of a Who song?

Dr. House

Everybody lies.

Dr. Cameron

Dr. House doesn't like dealing with patients.

Dr. Foreman

Isn't treating patients why we became doctors?

Dr. House

No, treating illnesses is why we became doctors. Treating patients is what makes most doctors miserable.

I wanted to thank Dr. House, but he never visited again.

Dr. Cameron

He cured you. You didn't cure him.

Dr. House

Thirty percent of all dads out there don't realize they're raising someone else's kid.

Dr. Foreman

From what I've read false paternity is more like ten percent.

Dr. House

That's what our moms would like us to believe.

Dr. Cameron

Who cares? If he got it from his parents they'd both be dead by now, can we get on with the differential diagnosis?

Dr. House

Fifty bucks says I'm right.

Dr. Foreman

I'll take your money.

Dr. House

Hit a nerve? Don't worry, Foreman, I'm sure the guy who tucked you in at night was your daddy.

Dr. Foreman

Make it a hundred.

Dr. Cameron

I'm uncomfortable about sex.

Dr. Chase

Well, we don't have to talk about this...

Dr. Cameron

Sex could kill you. Do you know what the human body goes through when you have sex? Pupils dilate, arteries constrict, core temperature rises, heart races, blood pressure skyrockets, respiration becomes rapid and shallow, the brain fires bursts of electrical impulses from nowhere to nowhere, and secretions spit out of every gland, and the muscles tense and spasm like you're lifting three times your body weight. It's violent, it's ugly and it's messy, and if God hadn't made it unbelievably fun, the human race would have died out eons ago. [pause to breathe deep and stare at each other] Men are lucky they can only have one orgasm. Do you know that women can have an hour-long orgasm?

Dr. Cameron

[grabs an apple and heads back to her seat] Hey, Foreman.

Dr. Foreman

Occam's razor. The simplest explanation is always the best.

Dr. House

And you think one is simpler than two?

Dr. Cameron

I'm pretty sure it is, yeah.

Dr. House

Baby shows up. Chase tells you that two people exchange fluids to create this being. I tell you that one stork dropped the little tyke off in a diaper. Are you going to go with the two or the one?

Dr. Foreman

I think your argument is specious.

Dr. House

I think your tie is ugly.

Dr. House

What the hell are those?

Dr. Cameron

Candy canes.

Dr. House

Candy canes? Are you mocking me?

Dr. Cameron

No, i-it's Christmas and I, I thought...

Dr. House

Relax, it's a joke.

Dr. House

Ah! The husband described her as being unusually irritable recently.

Dr. Cameron

And?

Dr. House

I didn't know it was possible for a woman to be unusually irritable.

Dr. Cameron

Nice try, but you're a misanthrope, not a misogynist.

Dr. Cameron

Would you give up a baby for someone you love?

Dr. House

Please tell me I don't have to decide. Depends, how long would they live?

Dr. Cameron

Is this a pragmatic question for you?

Dr. House

Fifty years, no problem. Six months, I say let 'em die. Well, I've actually given this a lot of thought, and my personal tipping point is seven years, eight months, and 14 days.

Dr. Cameron

I don't have the right to show interest in someone?

Dr. Foreman

You absolutely do, and I absolutely have the right to humiliate you for it.

Dr. House

Figures you'd try and come up with a solution where no one gets hurt. The problem is, the world doesn't work that way just 'cause you want it to.

Dr. Cameron

Figures you'd stall and refuse to deal with the issue. Problem is, the world doesn't go away just because you want it to.

Dr. Cameron

[giving differential diagnosis] Idiopathic T-cell deficiency?

Dr. House

Idiopathic, from the Latin meaning we're idiots 'cause we can't figure out what's causing it. Give him a whole body scan.

Dr. Cameron

You hate whole body scans.

Dr. House

'Cause they're useless. Could probably scan every one of us and find five different doodads that look like cancer. But, when you're 4th-down, 100 to go, in the snow, you don't call a running play up the middle. Unless you're the Jets.

Dr. Cameron

I hate sports metaphors.

Dr. House

I saw the light on.

Dr. Cameron

It's daytime.

Dr. House

Yeah. It's a figure of speech. Always so literal.

Dr. Cameron

Got a new cane.

Dr. House

Yeah. Guy in the store said it was slimming. Vertical stripe...

Dr. Cameron

Why are you here?

Dr. House

Vogler is dead.

Dr. Cameron

What? What happened?

Dr. House

Again with the literal translation. Vogler the idea. Mr. Destructo. Mr. Money Bags, "Bow down before me"; he's gone from the hospital, so things can go back to the way they were.

Dr. Cameron

The way they were was kinda weird.

Dr. House

Ehh...weird works for me.

Dr. Cameron

What are you saying? Literally?

Dr. House

I want you to come back.

Dr. Cameron

Why?

Dr. House

Please unclench. You're not on the clock, and when you do that, I clench, and then it's the whole thing...

Dr. Cameron

Could you look at your pager?

Dr. House

It's no big deal, some sort of epidemic. Not my area.

Dr. Cameron

You should go, it's important.

Dr. House

What I'm doing now is important.

Dr. Cameron

Why do you want me back?

Dr. House

Because you're a good doctor.

Dr. Cameron

That's it?

Dr. House

That's not enough?

Dr. Cameron

Not for me. Go deal with your plague.

Dr. Cameron

[Referring to Dr. House] He agreed to go on a date with me.

Dr. Foreman

A date? Date, dinner and a movie, naked and sweaty date?

Dr. Cameron

He only committed to the first two.