Thirteen quotes from House

Thirteen

No one can describe themselves in ten words. Why would we wanna hear anyone else do it?

Thirteen

This is Dr. House. He's too brilliant for introductions.

Thirteen

Patient has spinal muscular atrophy. It's genetic, incurable. This is not a diagnostic mystery.

Dr. House

You have just given a state secret to the enemy.

Thirteen

What enemy?

Dr. House

New patient, new rules. Today you're gonna split yourselves into two teams. The first to figure out what's threatening to deprive the patient of the twenty or so miserable years he's got left with SMA gets to keep their jobs. Take off your numbers, you look stupid. I think I know who you are by now.

Wait, how do you want us to split up?

Dr. House

Good question [pauses, forgetting Dr. Kutner's name] …overly-excited former foster kid. There's ten of you, I was thinking six against six. No, wait…

How 'bout women versus men.

Dr. House

Excellent suggestion…fat twin. More interesting than "evens versus odds", less interesting than "shirts against skins". If your sex organs dangle - you're the Confederates. If your sex organs are aesthetically pleasing - you're the Yanks.

Dr. House, I'd like to be on the men's team.

Dr. House

Do your sex organs dangle, Cutthroat Bitch?

Not yet.

Dr. House

Who are you, Thirteen?

Thirteen

My name's in the file.

Dr. House

Fact that you won't answer my question tells me more about you than answers could.

Thirteen

No it doesn't. We turned the thing up to 95 degrees-

Dr. House

You think that not answers tell me anything?

Thirteen

Sure, just not as much as actual answers, that's why they're called answers.

Dr. House

They tell me you're hiding something.

Thirteen

Tells you I'm hiding everything.

Dr. House

Tells me you got something worth hiding. Is it Turkish prison? Gay porn? You killed a man just because he was asking too many questions?

Thirteen

What the hell is this?

Dr. House

Looks like an envelope with the results for the genetic test for Huntington's inside.

Thirteen

Did you look?

Dr. House

Thought it would be fun to find out together.

Thirteen

I don't want to know.

Dr. House

No, you're afraid to know.

Thirteen

I might die. So could you. You could get hit by a bus tomorrow, the only difference is you don't have to know about it today, so why should I?

Dr. House

I don't have to know the lottery numbers, but if someone offered them to me I'd take them.

Thirteen

You spend your whole life looking for answers, because you think the next answer will change something, maybe make you a little less miserable. And you know that when you run out of questions, you don't just run out of answers, you run out of hope. You glad you know that?

Dr. House

What makes you so sure that drugs are a mask for something else?

Thirteen

Drugs are always a mask for something else.

Dr. House

You guys know Wilson's dating Amber?

Dr. Foreman

No.

Dr. Taub

Wilson and Amber?!

I knew. [Dr. House looks shocked] I asked her out. Said she just started seeing someone.

Thirteen

Cultures were negative for UTIs, no signs of previous trauma or STDs.

Dr. House

Kidney cancer.

Thirteen

CT was clear for tumors and kidney stones.

Dr. House

I thought Amber scared you guys.

She does, but she also has legs that go all the way up to Canada.

Dr. House

So do Canadians, doesn't mean that I want to date one.

Dr. House

Taub and Thirty-One...

Thirteen

Thirty-One?

Dr. House

Oh, I'm sorry, I thought that either way was good with you.

Dr. Taub

Does sound a little forced, could be stiffening in his tongue, which is a symptom of myxoedema.

Thirteen

It's not the tongue, it's the dialogue. I think I dated that nurse though... :[Dr. House looks at her] ...no.

Thirteen

We should have him spend a night in the sleep lab, see if he gets a reflex erection.

Dr. House

Confirmation is for wimps and altar boys! We don't need to wait for a reflex. If he can't get engorged the way god intended, he can't get engorged. [looks at Dr. Cameron]

Dr. Cameron

I'm not showing him my boobs.

Dr. House

Lack of response to your chest tells us nothing. Thirteen, show him y... [he glances at Thirteen's chest] ...I gotta find a decent set of knockers around here. [he wanders off]

Dr. Cameron

Your porn is in the second drawer.

Dr. House

[Not remembering the names of Dr. Taub and Thirteen] Lesbian. Find out if anybody on that bus was taken to other hospitals.

Thirteen

He just forgot mine.

Dr. House

No, Thirteen, I just wanted to call you a lesbian.

Thirteen

I'm not a lesbian.

Dr. House

I was rounding up from 50%.

Thirteen

You are the champion of not dealing with your problems...

Dr. House

My grandson gave me a mug that says that.

House

You're fired.

Thirteen

What? You just defended me!

House

No, I just prevented you from getting a drug test. Probably saved your career. I'm already taking responsibility for one doctor with a drug habit. [takes a Vicodin pill]

Thirteen

I don't have a drug habit!

House

The slutty party girl is fun till she pukes on your shoes. Then she's just a pain in the ass.

House

[to Thirteen] Why not men? You're bisexual. If you were just being self-destructive, you'd be having random sex with men. Better chance of getting assaulted, catching a disease. If this were just about getting laid, it'd be a lot easier to pick up men. Or ugly girls. This woman's hot. Which means you like the challenge, the conquest. It's the control that gets you off. And controlling women is as close as you can get to controlling what's gonna happen to you.

Thirteen

Here I thought I was just into boobs.

Thirteen

We could save this patient but all you care about is getting your answer!

House

Your point being?