Kutner quotes from House

The infection destroyed your liver which released toxins that caused the locked-in syndrome. You were dying of a paper cut.

We're not okay.

I get it - you don't like me because maybe I'm a little bit competitive.

Manipulative.

"Cutthroat Bitch" is your official title.

Dr. House

[places record in record player] A little mood music, build the suspense.

Sounds more folky.

Dr. House

You seriously have no idea when to shut up, do you? Amber! Please stand.

You didn't call me a bitch... is that bad?

Dr. House

You play the game better than anybody else here. [Dr. Volakis smiles.] But for the wrong reasons.

Reasons don't matter. Results are the only thing...

Dr. House

You were wrong. [beat] Twenty years ago, [points to the record player] this was recorded by Jim Moskowitz. Who later became known as Jimmy Quidd. Loves kids, apparently has a heart, perhaps even a soul. If you're gonna work for me, you have to be willing to be wrong, willing to lose. 'Cause you just did. [somberly] You're fired.

What if the clots aren't clots? Atherosclerosis. Fatty plaque builds up on the arterial walls, pieces break off, block blood flow. Explains everything.

Dr. House

She has zero risk factors. Forget fat, think clots.

No.

Dr. House

You're standing up to me?

Maybe.

Dr. House

Just to clarify. You should do that when you're right. Sorry for the confusion. How could a clot...

Could be a different kind of fat, fat emboli.

Dr. House

It's a perfect fit... Except it's completely impossible! Fat emboli requires an unrepaired bone break. Between the x-ray and the exam, I've seen her entire... [Epiphany.] See, that's what I'm talking about. [Dr. Kutner bows.]

Dr. House

You guys know Wilson's dating Amber?

Dr. Foreman

No.

Dr. Taub

Wilson and Amber?!

I knew. [Dr. House looks shocked] I asked her out. Said she just started seeing someone.

Thirteen

Cultures were negative for UTIs, no signs of previous trauma or STDs.

Dr. House

Kidney cancer.

Thirteen

CT was clear for tumors and kidney stones.

Dr. House

I thought Amber scared you guys.

She does, but she also has legs that go all the way up to Canada.

Dr. House

So do Canadians, doesn't mean that I want to date one.

People stare at me any time I'm out with my family. It's like a puzzle: which one of these things doesn't belong?

Belonging's overrated. I was adopted by a white family when I was nine. I like being different the view's better from the outside looking in.

But not every teenager is having sex.

Foreman

But every teenager is stupid.

I treated her based on the symptoms she presented.

House

You treated her based on empathetic orphan syndrome, almost killed her in the process.

What's Cuddy doing in your office?

House

Other than throwing off the feng shui with her ass that faces all eight sides of the bagua at once?

Cuddy

[from the other room] These walls aren't sound proof!

House

[calling over his shoulder] I'm well aware!

Taub

House always has an agenda, just screwing with us isn't...

Yeah he'd never do that. Oh wait- He already did last year!

Wilson

Irene Adler, Christmas, 2001. Sarcoid symptoms, but she didn't respond to methotrexate. I've never seen him so obsessed. He saved her with a last minute granulomatosis with polyangiitis diagnosis, but the hours he put in, I thought it would kill him. And then... well, he fell for her. But, it was too soon after Stacy. It sounds silly, but Irene was the one who got away.

Really?

Wilson

No, you idiots! House is just screwing with you. You think there's some woman with a mysterious green wrapping paper trademark?

Taub

Then, how did you guess...

Wilson

I could be wrong. It's possible a secret admirer gave House the same book I gave him last Christmas, and the same paper I wrapped it in, and the note I wrote.

Taub

Sane people don't attempt suicide.

Not ever? So if you were being burned at the stake, and someone handed you a gun?

Taub

I'd shoot the guys with the torches.

You slept with Foreman?

Thirteen

Sorry, you were busy.

Thirteen

Time zero.

I'm impressed. You didn't even flinch.

[smiles] I just went to my happy place.

Thirteen

[pauses while writing on her clipboard, eyes going wide] We cannot let House anywhere near this woman.

Where is your happy place?

My class. With them.

Thirteen

Past the first mark.

It's a great thing you do.

Not really. You know, most kids, typical children, you hand them a pair of scissors and they cut. Well, Tony he's got CP. And when I gave him scissors, we went on a journey together. Learning to get his fingers in those holes, to hold the scissors apart, to hold the paper. I mean, when he finally learned to cut, we both just... wept with joy.

[to the patient] If you ever meet our boss, just yes or no answers, okay?

Cameron actually said yes?!

House

[snarky tone, while scrubbing up for the surgery] Nope, I'm just obsessive about clean cuticles.