GVGeneral von Lintzer
I think it only fair to tell you that I employ somewhat different tactics than Lieutenant Klink!
Colonel Klink.
GVGeneral von Lintzer
Don't bet on it!
S2 E14Klink's Rocket
GVGeneral von Lintzer
Colonel Hogan, I must congratulate you on your honesty. The reconnaissance flight verified the new factory near Leadingham.
You sure know how to rub it in, General.
GVGeneral von Lintzer
And tonight, the new factory will be reduced to rubble. I personally will lead the bombing mission.
And of course everyone knows that the General is one of our finest pilots! By the way, General, when you go to Berlin, you'll mention my name? Say a few words here and there.
GVGeneral von Lintzer
Words? I believe I will put in a few words. "Negligence, inefficiency, irresponsibility, stupidity". As soon as I get back from the raid, I will take care of you.
[Von Lintzer gets in his staff car and leaves.]
Hm. I heard that in school, von Lintzer was your dearest friend.
Ja, ja. Ja.
You would've been better off with an enemy.
S2 E15Information Please
MKMajor Kohler
Sir. May I ask...
Yes.
MKMajor Kohler
Do you actually suspect Klink of disloyalty?
Disloyalty? No. Stupidity, yes.
Those staff officers, they are so clever.
Klink! I am a staff officer!
I didn't mean you, sir; you're not clever. [Burkhalter glares at him.] You're clever, sir! You're clever!
Shut up, Klink.
Be careful if you run into any patrols. He speaks German like a native, which he is.
RRAF Captain
I believe I have a solution. [Puts his pistol to Schmidt's head.]
Good show, old boy.
S2 E16Art For Hogan's Sake
Carter, will you watch it?
Sorry, I'm not too good with ears.
If you don't mind, I've gotten used to having one on each side of my head!
Oh, what an unexpected pleasure, Herr General!
Actually, I had no intention of stopping here. But there was a bombing attack on the road that started me thinking-
Oh, what a brilliant idea! Now only a man of your experience could-
[Smiles] Klink? Shut up and let me finish.
Of course Herr General. Excuse me.
I suppose you are curious about that. [Gestures to the flat rectangular box his men brought in.]
Well, naturally, I-
It's a gift.
Thank you, Herr General! Thank you very much!
It's not for you.
Really? What a marvelous sense of humor.
I've just been to Paris on military business.
Of course, of course.
While I was there, I realized that Goering's birthday is only a few weeks away!
Oh, yes, sir, I know, I have the date right here in my calendar!
You would.
[Sergeant Schultz, pretending to be a general in the German Army, is covering for Hogan, LeBeau, Suzette and Verlaine while two Gestapo officers attempt to search the Paris apartment.]
How dare you come here, and disturb a general of the Third Reich.
1G1st Gestapo Man
Only doing our duty, sir. We had no idea that you were-
Oh, you- you had no idea. You didn't know that a general might want to spend an afternoon with his, uh, with his, uh-
SSuzette
Niece.
Niece. Thank you, darling.
1G1st Gestapo Man
I assure you, General, we had no intention of intruding upon your privacy.
No. You didn't! Should it ever happen again, I will report you to your superior officer, and then to his superior officer, and then even to his superior officer! I will report it all the way up, until it comes back to me! And if I ever... report it to myself... [Growls] Are you going to be in trouble.
[The two Gestapo men hurry for the door and leave.]
SSuzette
They have gone!
They did? Why did you let them go?!
S2 E17The General Swap
Gentlemen, this is most embarrassing. In broad daylight-
I still think we should send a squad to look-
Shut up, Klink. Right in the middle of Germany.
GGGerman General
And not a trace of him!
Well, this never would've happened had I-
Klink! He could be anywhere by now.
Yes, Herr General. But, General, may I suggest-
Be careful you don't suggest yourself all the way to the Russian Front!
FMField Marshal von Heinke
I order you to make immediate arrangements for my exchange! Those are my orders. Carry them out.
Such a loud signal! The English must have an excellent transmitter.
[Glares at Klink] We have an excellent receiver.
That was Field Marshal von Heinke. May we have your reply immediately?
I guess we have no choice.
That voice. I have heard it somewhere before.
Certainly, dummkopf! That's von Heinke!
No, Herr General, the other voice. Hogan... that's Hogan! One of my prisoners, right here! [In the barracks, Carter hears Klink through a listening device and hands it to Hogan, who hurries over to the camp office.] Now, gentlemen, I am convinced something is wrong. General Burkhalter, with all due respect to you, I think this may be a false message.
A false message?
[Behind them, Hogan comes into the camp office and sits down.]
Now, it would take me just one minute to find- [Turns around and sees Hogan.] Hogan!
Yes?
You thought he was on the radio?
What are you doing here?
Sergeant Schultz told me one of our planes was missing.
General, I still think it is possible that the message on the radio was not the genuine article.
[Just then, Newkirk, doing an impression of Prime Minister Winston Churchill, begins speaking from the radio.]
Generals of the Third Reich, this is the Prime Minister speaking. We offer you this exchange in the full expectation for you to reply in an honourable manner. We in turn, will fulfill our part of the bargain. We await your immediate reply in order that we may speedily affect this arrangement to our mutual satisfaction.
Inform Communications... we accept. [looks at Klink] Unless, Klink, you thought that was Hogan, too?
So that's the setup, General. Maybe I shouldn't speak up like this, but, well, I just wanted you to know how we all feel about Colonel Hogan. And you can't put me in jail for it 'cause legally speakin' I'm in jail already.
Do you not find it strange that a captured enemy airplane can disappear, and then reappear?
Well, it has been very windy, sir.
S2 E18The Great Brinksmeyer Robbery
Now, Hogan, I want you to know that this will not go unpunished. Right, Schultz? [Schultz isn't paying attention] Right, Schultz?!
Jawohl, Herr Kommandant! Someone will be punished!
The one who is responsible, right, Schultz?
Jawohl, Herr Kommandant, the one who is responsible!
The one who is to see to it that lights out are at the proper time. Right, Schultz?
Jawohl, Herr Kommandant, the one who is to see to it... [Realizes] that lights out...
[Klink holds out his hand]
I'll take your three-day pass now.
Any reason for this particular bank, sir?
Yeah. It's the only one in town.
S2 E19Praise The Führer And Pass The Ammunition
[A group of Waffen-SS officers, led by SS-Colonel Deutsch, have arrived at Stalag 13.]
What would they be doing here?
Maybe they came to capture us again. Very thorough, the Germans.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Hogan's Heroes pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.