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SEASON 2

Hogan's Heroes · Season 2

Hogan's Heroes Season 2 quotes

57 quotes · page 4 of 4

S2 E19Praise The Führer And Pass The Ammunition

SCSS-Colonel Deutsch

I never worry about prisoners. I never take any.

You don't?

SCSS-Colonel Deutsch

I like my enemy only one way: dead.

[Deutsch takes a stielhandgranate from one of his men.]

Colonel! What are you doing?!

[Ignoring Klink, Deutsch throws the grenade at the formation of prisoners, who all dive for cover except for Hogan, who doesn't move. He calmly picks up the grenade and walks up to Deutsch with it.]

Oh, Colonel, you seem to have dropped something.

SCSS-Colonel Deutsch

My compliments, Colonel. Tell me, how did you know it was a blank?

Easy. For a live grenade, you would've been the first to run. You see, both you and I know you're not a member of a super race.

SCSS-Colonel Deutsch

[angered] After our war games, I shall teach you respect for the SS!

I doubt it.

S2 E20Hogan And The Lady Doctor

Carter, pull over in case that laboratory wants to pass us.

Oh, it's not gonna pass us. It's gonna go straight up. See, with that kinda structure, the-

Carter, forget it, forget it. Keep driving.

S2 E22Heil Klink

[Hogan is hiding a scientist who wants to defect to the Allies in Klink's office, having fooled Klink and his staff into believing it is Hitler, taking refuge from an assassination attempt. Major Hochstetter knows it's the doctor, but this only makes him look like an assassin to Klink]

[Standing outside the closed office door] Your excellency, I had no idea! A promotion? To Berlin?!

[As Hitler] You still have no idea. Listen carefully. In my inner circle I can trust no one. Himmler will double-cross me like a shot, Goebbels' eyes are too close together, and Goering is too fat! Never trust a fat man, Klink!

Indeed, your excellency! Never trust a fat man!

But I am getting tired of my burden. There is no gratitude. In a few weeks, I will appoint a successor. The one man in the whole miserable Third Reich who has proven worthy of my trust! YOU, Klink!

[Klink's knees buckle, and Hogan has to catch him from falling]

Your excellency. I will try to be worthy of it! Heil Hitler!

[Major Hochstetter returns to Stalag 13, demanding that Klink surrender the man in hiding. For possibly the first time, Klink is entirely sure of himself]

Well, now, Klink, are you ready to hand him over to me?

Major Hochstetter! A new order is coming, a new order! One which will sweep vermin like you into the delousing station of history!

[Hochstetter stares at him, too stunned and furious to speak]

You are under arrest. Schultz!

[Schultz stares at Klink, just as surprised as Hochstetter]

You are mad, Klink!

Take him away!

[Hochstetter storms off; Klink begins pacing the yard, strutting confidently]

S2 E23Everyone Has A Brother-In-Law

[Newkirk is going out through the perimeter fence wire at night; a machine gun team is waiting for him. They open fire, shooting the ground in front of him. Newkirk stands up and raises his hands.]

Kamerad! Kamerad!

KCaptain Kurz

You are under arrest!

Yes, sir! As you can see, my hands are in the basic "Kamerad" position!

S2 E25Reverend Kommandant Klink

[The alarm has been sounded, and Schultz is leading a guard detail outside the camp after Klink announces an Allied pilot has been shot down nearby.]

What do you think, Colonel?

I think for a big man, Schultz moves pretty fast.

S2 E26The Most Escape-Proof Camp I've Ever Escaped From

This is Colonel Stieffer of the SS. He has a special assignment for you.

A pleasure, Colonel. A real pleasure. Whatever I can do for the SS will be a real privilege. And I am deeply moved by being chosen for this task! I know that this handshake will be the beginning of a long and lasting friendship!

SCSS-Colonel Stieffer

The SS has no friends.

Yes, sir, I think you've got a good idea on that. After all, when you add what you spend on dinner parties, luncheons, gifts- who needs the expense of friendship, when a little hatred doesn't cost you a cent?

Let Colonel Stieffer talk for a change.

Yes, sir. Schutltz! Not another word out of you until the Colonel is finished.

SCSS-Colonel Stieffer

We have a very special prisoner we're turning over to you. And we expect you to make sure he doesn't escape.

Sir, I can assure you, no one has ever escaped from Stalag 13.

SCSS-Colonel Stieffer

So far he's escaped from nine of your camps since his capture.

Well, he won't be leaving here so easily!

If he does, you will be leaving yourself. Carrying snow shoes and a Russian road map!

Hogan, we all make mistakes. No one is perfect! [Hogan glances at a framed picture of Adolf Hitler on the wall.] Except him, of course.

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