Hell's Kitchen quotes

And the name of the dish is what?

Mahi Gone Bananas, chef.

[tastes the dish] It looks like you've gone slightly bananas. It's hideous. Back in line.

(interview) Ramsay's definitely just looking for a rise out of me, which he's going to eventually get.

So the idea came from where?

I just pulled it out of my ass, sir.

Put it back in there because it sucks.

Who's cooked the diapers?

No diapers, sir. That's smoked chicken enchiladas with poblano cream sauce. My name is Colleen.

Corinne.

Colleen.

Corinne.

COL-leen.

What do you do for a living?

I am a culinary instructor. I own a recreational cooking school.

And were you a trained chef before you set up a school?

No, I am not a trained chef.

So you're not a trained chef, yet you teach chefs to cook.

That's correct.

How much do you charge?

300 per three to four hours.

Right. Look at the size of it.

I feed big Nebraska boys. Would you like me to get you a bite?

No, I'll bite it myself. [tries dish, spits it out]

Okay.

You seriously charge $300 to teach people how to make that crap?

Yes–yes, chef.

I feel like I need some plastic wrap on my arse.

(interview) It was extremely difficult to stand there and to keep my mouth shut! (to Gordon) I teach manners, too, chef.

Say that again?

Cooking instructor Colleen not only offered Chef Ramsay a dish he didn't care for, but an etiquette lesson as well.

Okay, please, Miss Manners, fuck off back in line.

Looks like lamb chops on a bed of ratatouille.

Uh, that's mine, chef. (interview) To be like Chef Ramsay is my dream. I've read his books, I've visited his restaurant in Manhattan. I think we have very similar styles.

How long have you been cooking?

15 years around.

And what is it?

That's cinnamon-crusted rack of lamb with a(n) aubergine ratatouille.

The ratatouille, what's in there?

Tomatoes, onion, tomato sauce, tomato paste.

[spits out food] How come the aubergine's so sweet?

There's some honey, uh...

Honey in a ratatouille? Uh, is that normal?

No, chef.

That's the worst dish I've ever tasted. [Seth laughs] 15 years to cook that shit, and you're laughing. You can make history on being the fastest exit in Hell's Kitchen. And I'm fucking serious, you know that. Back in line. [Seth goes back in line] The quicker you understand how serious I am, the quicker you'll cook better.

I'll try harder next time, sir. (interview) I thought it looked all right. I think my presentation was good. I know it's a good dish. I got to prove to him that I can cook my ass off.

What's the matter?

This station is fucked up.

Come on, Coi.

(to Lacey) Don't say a fucking thing. (to Gordon) I come over here, there's nothing fucking done, chef. Nothing!

Okay, okay.

(to Coi) Now why don't you tell him how you threatened me?

(to Coi and Lacey) Oh, oh, wait. Right. I'm just about to open the doors, okay? Don't panic. I'm not asking you to be lovebirds, okay?

Absolutely.

Calm down, get a grip, and show me some form of composure, yes?

Yes, chef.

Oh, my God!

On order six covers, table 20: two spaghetti, two scallops, one risotto, one Caesar. Entrées: three Wellington, get them in!

[shouting over Gordon] Ben, you guys, get going!

I'm coming! I'm coming!

Hey you. Hey fuckwit, come here you. Come here! I'm calling out an order and you just shout over.

Sorry, chef.

You fucking call out the order then. You fuck, FUCKING call out the order!

I need one Caesar, two scallops, one risotto and two spaghetti now! (interview) Yeah, give me the reins, man! Let me drive this bitch!

You fucking interrupt me again next time, you're going for an early bath.

Yes.

A big one in the hot tub!

Danny? Come here, that's you. Overcooked scallops, let's go. It's not exactly rocket science.

Well, obviously, chef. [angrily slams his pan; Gordon gives him a dirty look]

(to Danny) Hey you, come here, you. Come here.

Yes, chef.

Okay, can you cook like a team member?

I'll wash their station and my station, chef.

How about communicating with them?

I did, chef.

Don't fucking dare start getting fucking pissed with me. Is that clear?

Chef, yes, chef.

Good. NOW JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP!!

Where's the other spaghetti?

Waiting on pasta, chef.

[notices Colleen starting a fresh spaghetti in a dirty pan] Hey madam, madam, come here, come here, come here, come here. [gets Colleen's pan] You're starting a fresh one in dirty pan!

Yes, chef.

Oh!

(interview) The pan had already been used and I didn't have a chance to wipe it. I felt like an idiot.

You teach people how to cook! [slams the pan down on her station]

We have no more pans, chef.

[gets some pans from Andrea's station] Look! Pan, pan, pan!

Thank you.

You're going to start a fresh spaghetti in a dirty pan! Holy crap!

As Colleen gets schooled in spaghetti, Seth is hoping to score high marks with his first entrée.

Why's it all fucking mangled?

Because he didn't have it ready, and then he sliced it and seared all the chops.

Hey, Forrest! Come here you.

(interview) Ramsay, he keeps calling me "Forrest" as in Forrest Gump. I think it's a great name!

You didn't cook it properly temperature wise, so you decided to buckle it and bastardize it. Now you're really having a laugh, yeah?

(interview) Man, this poor lamb chop just got charred. No excuse for that first lamb.

Would you get excited to come here and eat that shit?

Absolutely not.

Yeah, fuck off, will you, yeah?

(interview) Listen, I screwed up the lamb, but at the end of the service, Gordon and I will be like peas and carrots once again!

It's two and a half hours into dinner service, and while Colleen has finally mastered the spaghetti, she still has a lot to learn about risotto.

Look! [returns to workstation and tastes the risotto] Hey!

Yes, chef.

Taste!

Yes, chef.

That's the risotto! That, quite frankly, is the worst risotto I've ever tasted in my entire cooking career. Why is it so sweet? Who put sugar in there?

[holds up a pot of sugar] I grabbed this. I thought it was salt.

(interview) Are you fucking kidding me?

That... [throws the risotto in the trash] is shit! Oh, my God!

Mashed potatoes?

[brings his garnishes to the pass] Fuck!

What are you doing, Wil?

Sorry, chef. I don't know, and this is very hot. (to his teammates) We got a cold sizzle?

Dear, oh dear! Wil!

Yes, chef?

You're shit!

Yes, chef. I am.

You are so shit, it's unbelievable!

[hands Wil his garnish] Wil, here's your artichokes and potatoes. They're seasoned and ready, sir, yeah?

Thank you.

Are you on the garnish now, Robert?

I just want to help him out [Wil], chef.

Charlie's on the garnish, Robert's on the garnish, yeah? And Wil is on Planet Cuckoo.

(interview) Wil got thrown to the dogs on the garnish station. By the time I got around to help him, it was ugly.

Wil, there's not one cook in the kitchen that hasn't been on the garnish with you tonight!

(interview) Being on the receiving end of Chef Ramsay's wrath...(groans) yeah, that sorta sucked.

Dear, oh dear, oh dear.

Garnish, please! (to Wil and Robert) What in the fuck are you two doing?

[interview; sees the customers leaving the kitchen] Oh no! When the customers got up and started walk out, I'm shocked.

Go, 22!

22 just left.

22. 22 just left.

My table got up and left.

[to Robert; tosses the plates to him] Hey! Hey, you! Hey, catch! They've just left. (whispering) They've just fucking left!

The rest of tables got walked out.

Alright. Out of Hell's Kitchen.

SWITCH IT OFF! NOT GOOD ENOUGH! [goes to the red kitchen] Come here, all of you! [calls the blue team] Come here, all of you, Yeah. Take a look out there. Pathetic, absolute embarrassment, utter crap! Clear down! CLEAR DOWN!

I found it quite strange that Wil didn't even have the will to succeed. He clearly didn't belong in Hell's Kitchen.

The scallops are cooked, aren't they?

Yes.

Why are they still in the pan if they're cooked? They're going to be overcooked, you stupid cow! Oh, my God! Who cooked the scallops last service? Who was that?

I did, chef.

Come here, you! Come here! Show her how to cook a fucking scallop. Hey, by the way, she's not charging $300. Hey, this is free now. Free lesson! Stand back!

(interview) Colleen runs a cooking school, but she has no experience on the line and it clearly shows.

(to Lacey) Teach madam [Colleen] here how to cook a fucking scallop!

Yes, chef.

Shit!! Unbelievable!

(interview) I almost felt honored in a weird way. (to Colleen) It's okay. It's alright.

(to Ji) Is your ankle hurting?

Yes, chef.

Yeah, so's my fuckin' head. It's throbbin'.

Thank you, Lacey.

You're welcome, chef!

Colleen!! Do you see a difference? Pink in the middle, coloured both sides, yes?

Yes, I do, chef.

Hey, did she charge you?

(brief pause) No, chef.

Yeah, thank fuck for that. Let's go. God bless Nebraska.