Russell quotes from Hell's Kitchen

(interview; after finished second) I'm pissed. I'm not happy at all. I chose the team that I wanted, and I thought they would help me win. In fact, they helped me lose, so... you know, thanks a lot, guys. (to his dad) I felt like I was being sabotaged. (interview) You will never get a job in any city I work. I'm gonna definitely blackball you guys, because you guys fucked me so royally tonight.

After hours of tedious cleaning, the women are ready to crash for the night. Meanwhile, the oldest chef, Raj... [Raj yells an Asian-sounding battle cry, causing Russell to glance at him] ...is ready to put on a show.

Oh, my God.

Holy shit, we got a Mr. Miyagi! [Trev laughs]

(interview) I start drinking, and I start doing karate. It's a bad habit.

(interview) Just kick it down a notch and let's put that energy towards your food.

Y'know, I'm gonna get out of the way.

(interview) I thought he was about to have a damn heart attack!

While Sabrina needs to get back in sync with her team, in the Blue kitchen, Chef Ramsay needs...

Raj! Help them, or fuck off!

[enters the Blue kitchen] (interview) It was fairly abusive on his part, but I'm a little bit worried about Chef Ramsay's, you know, karma.

Russell.

Yes, sir.

Get off of there...

Yes, sir.

...and let these two work as a team.

(interview) Boris and Raj are working together. It's like watching two idiots do a Rubik's Cube. There's no chance on Earth they're going to get it right.

Mozzarella cheese, I got the cheese. (To Raj) All I'm asking you is to please help me the roll the fucking dough.

Where the fuck is it?

It's here. First, shape it. Here. Put it here, put it down, shape it.

The dough's there, you can't roll it.

ROLL. The FUCKING. PIZZA DOUGH.

Here's more mozzarella. [starts slicing the mozzarella]

(To Raj) Th-- ROLL THE FUCKIN' PIZZA DOUGH! WHAT ARE YOU DOIN'?! Are you fuckin'-...? URRRGGGGHHHH!!! (interview) My partner was sent here to sabotage. That guy is fucking nuts.

Why aren't you two working as a team?

We're doing the best we can, chef.

We're screwed on a fucking pizza.

Don't be scared, Raj! Jump in!

I was.

Everybody's polishing. You're just kinda standing there. You're blowing it with me over here. The one guy who had your back, and you're blowing it!

Oh, please! (interview) Trevor, he's–he's really not a nice person, and... he's also being very mean!

(to Raj) What do you want us to do with you?

Just leave me alone! (interview) I'm a professional chef. I'm working with a bunch of kids! I'm in a situation where it's me versus them.

[inspects glass Raj just cleaned] Water marks. (chuckles) Water marks! Raj, seriously? I mean, can you not see that? Are you gonna look?

Just do his glasses over.

That's not fair!

Just do it over!

(to the guys) This is harassment now.

While the blue team...

Salmon!

The salmon's ready.

...has moved on to entrées.

And it's perfect! (interview) I have personally cooked thousands and thousands and thousands of pieces of salmon in my life.

What's that in there? Wh-what...?

That's not grilled.

Oh, dear. Raj! What's that? What is that stock he's putting in that salmon?

It's supposed be grilled, dude.

Yeah, I grilled it, and then I finished it with a little bit of sauce.

No sauce, bro. [Gordon drains the contents of the pan onto Raj's worktop and drops the pan] C'mon, get another one going, bro!

(interview) My personal techniques are not working for Chef Ramsay.

Disgusting!

(interview) He's the chef, it's his opinion, and I have zero opinion.

Start over.

Raj's cooking techniques aren't cutting in with Chef Ramsay. And in the Red kitchen...

(with an overcooked Dover Sole) Melissa, it's overcooked!

...neither are Melissa's.

Out it comes, look at that. Overcooked on the bottom, crispy as fuck, and it looks like Gandhi's flip-flop! (drops the Dover Sole) What a shame!

(interview) I don't know where he comes up with this stuff! Gandhi didn't even wear flip-flops, he lived in the jungle, I don't think the dude even had shoes.

Look it underneath! [knocks his hand on the workstation]

(interview) Shit!

Russell, you have to put the colored one down before the film.

Colored what?

The colored...

See, this teamwork is exactly what helps in the kitchen, right? Like teamwork in the kitchen?

Yo. Don’t talk about the kitchen, ‘cause you guys don’t know shit about the kitchen.

How about you not give us attitude?

Are you kidding me? We’re doing this for you. How about you back up a little bit? (interview) This is not a joke. I’m not here to play with little kids. They’re pushing me to the limit! (to the Prom committee) I’m not doing this for my fifteen minutes of fame. I’m doing this for a fucking career, so step off!

Watch your language!

Watch my language? (to the Prom committee) I’M A GROWN ASS MAN.

Hey, guys. Come on. These are clients of Hell’s Kitchen. Stop being disrespectful! Get on with the job, get it done, and show a little bit of respect. Alright?

(to the Prom committee) Why don’t you guys just keep going through me? These guys are just frustrated. (interview) For Russell to blow up like that; unacceptable. Up and down the board, unacceptable.

Meanwhile, in the Blue kitchen...

Boris? How many crab cakes have you got in the pan?

Ten altogether chef.

Boris is getting a little ahead of himself.

There's only two away and you just cook me ten. Boris?

Yes, chef?

I fired two, I got ten. Is this the sign of things to come?

(interview) Boris started firing like a gang-bang on crab cakes. It is like, "dude, learn to count."

Look at me! We'll do one table at a time, it's not a race! Common sense, gentlemen!

Yes, chef. Understood.

Fresh crab cakes, let's go!

Melissa, scallop salad, how long?

I'm all out of scallops chef.

What?!

I cooked the shit out of all the scallops. I fucked the team chef.

What the fuck are we doing? (gets the rejected scallops on Melissa's station) Oh, my God...

That's all the scallops!

Oh, my God.

Just come here, all of you. Stop. All of you, Vinny! (gives the plate of scallops to Russell) Take the plate, take the fucking plate! Pass it around!

Seven pounds of scallops.

(interview) She just can't cook.

(interview) Melissa must have cooked about ten pounds of scallops, all cooked off to the garbage.

(interview) It is just fucking embarrassing.

[gives Gordon a ticket] It's your family.

Here we go. On order: six covers, table one.

Yes, chef!

Three wings, one mozzarella, one risotto, one truffle salad.

Yes, chef!

My family!

(interview) We better get this fucking order right.

Let's go, guys yes?

Three wings, one mozz is coming chef. Vinny, are you ready on the risotto?

No, no.

Vinny, I need the fucking risotto! What are you doing?

(interview) I can't sit there and [waves his hands] go like this and have my risottos' magically finish.

Hurry up Vinny! We've got to go up now!

Yes, chef. (interview) I grabbed the risotto I had just sent up for the previous table. There's nothing wrong with it.

Yo, I'm going up with the risotto, guys!

No, that's not fair. That's old! Trying to get away. Hey bozo, come here you.

Yes, chef. What happened?

Shut your fat East-Coast mouth.

Yes, chef.

This table that you just sent me that shit for happens to be my family!

(interview) Oh, no. What are you doing?

And even if it's not my family, they deserve a fresh risotto. Look at me--

Yes, chef.

--you dirty little fucker! If you can't be bothered to do it, fuck off out of here! Do you want to go home? Whether it's my family or not, if your family were here, or your family were here, or your family, I'd make YOUR family or YOUR wife or YOUR children a fresh FUCKING risotto! He sneaks that in there. Yeah. That's the shit I served five minutes ago!

Okay, refire guys!

Everybody's really happy, apart from your family.

Apart from my family? Come on, Vinny!

(interview) Yes, chef. Sorry, chef, won't happen again. That's all he wants to hear and I'll fix it.

IT'S MY FAMILY'S ORDER! One salmon, one beef, one macaroni and cheese, one bolognese, two burgers.

Let's go, guys. Let's make it happen.

The men are scrambling to get entrees out to chef Ramsay's family.

Chef, I'm coming up with the salmon.

Two beef coming up to the pass. Two burgers, one bolognese up.

Where's the macaroni (and cheese), please?

All right, I'm a little behind right now on garnish.

Oh, COME ON.

(interview) I am in the weeds so high, I don't know which way is up. (sighs)

When are we gonna get a little help on this garnish, man?

As soon as I can breathe.

(interview) Russell claims he was in the weeds and couldn't get to me. What did Russ do-- a few chicken fingers and two burgers? FUCK THAT! How dare he not slide to help me? I'm pissed.

I'm behind, and we're gonna be fuck on an own doesn't jump with me here.

(interview) I don't know where he got off thinking that we were gonna be his bitch tonight, but that was definitely not my role. I'm here to do my job. I'm not here to babysit you.

Ah, you fucker!

Meanwhile, in the blue kitchen...

(to Rob) Come on, Rob!

All the men need to complete the Ramsay family table is Rob's macaroni and cheese.

(to Vinny) Vinny, get your ass over here. He's weeded. He's weeded bad. What do you mean? (to Rob) Two macaronis! Get him two macaronis. LET'S GO! You got two people working on your station. Now I do, it doesn't matter. Now you do, so don't put up dog shit!

So if he's not ready, then FUCK HIM! (referring Rob) I'll send it separate, okay?

Service, please. [four of the five orders served to the Ramsay family] Come on, guys. Keep it together! In England, we eat at the same fucking time.

(to son Jack) What did you have, Jack?

I am having the macaroni and cheese.

(to Rob) Come on, Rob. It's my family. My son's still waiting for the macaroni and cheese. Now I'm worried now.

(interview) Here we go again, dinner service is going horrible.

(gasps) Fuck you.

Rob, come on!

Come on!

[holds a tickets waiting for his son's macaroni and cheese] Rob, move your ass! Hurry up!

Come on, Rob!

Yes, chef.

(to Scott) Is it cooked?

Uh, it's cooked alright. Half of it is mush on the outside and the center's well done.

Uh oh.

[returns the lobster to the workstation] On a night like tonight! You (Rob) keep me dragging for the chicken! You (Boris) keep me dragging for the appetisers, then Vinny sends me this.

I'll fix it.

(sarcastically) "I'll fix it."

(interview) We're going down in a heap like a California mud-slide.

Chicken?

(brings his chicken to the pass) Going up with the chicken!

It's pink. [returns the chicken to the workstation] All of you, come here!

(interview) Uh-oh. It's fucking chicken, Rob.

Pink, pink, don't dare touch it... pink, pink. All of you! What are we doing here? [Shows the faces of Boris, Russell, Christina & Rock, the people in the dining room, Danny & Holli, Vinny & Rob] GET OUT! Get out of here. [angrily throws his spoon at the Blue team as they exit the kitchen] GET OUT!

[points at red kitchen] They're on their fifth ticket, you're on your second.

(to Rob) Step it up.

We gotta come back from this. Let's go. Push it out!

Come on, Rob!

Yes, chef.

Move it, big boy!

Yes, chef.

Rob, (claps) MOVE!

Yes, chef! (brings scallops to the pass)

[checks scallops with Sous Chef Scott] There's no colour on there.

He's just not starting with the pan hot enough.

[returns to workstation] I've got no fucking colour on my SCALLOPS! [angrily drops plate] FOR FUCK'S SAKE!

(interview) Come on! Let's get through a fucking service, please!

They're raw, Rob!

I gave them a minute each side!

What's that gotta do with it? Where's your oil? They're fucking raw! [starts cooking Rob's raw scallops] You take them out when they're fucking cooked! Their table's eating bar one!

(interview) Ninth service, and Rob still can't cook scallops.

Rob, the largest one is the thickest one, so that comes out last.

(interview) I mean, Rob... Are you a complete fucking idiot?

Sorry about the delay, let's go.

That won't happen again, guys. I got it.

[returns to workstation] Fuck! Off! Yeah, come on. (to Rob) Come here you. Look at that. It's like split vomit. Look at that. Hold on, it gets worse. [splits one halibut in half] Raw. [angrily throws the halibut away on the workstation] Fuck off!

DAMMIT, LET'S GO! FOCUS!

Sorry, bro. Sorry.

Quit saying sorry and just go! Guys, we need to GO!

Here we go, yet again. Nothing's coming out! Hey, (Rob) you! Come here, you! Come here, come here you. Come here, you. [leads Rob into the dining room]

(interview) Here goes Rob. Bye, Rob.

You've got five minutes to wake up, otherwise you're history. [Rob and Gordon head back into the kitchen] Hey, hey, hey, hey, big boy. And I mean five minutes! I'LL DO IT MY FUCKING SELF, AND I'LL DO IT ON THE SECTION MYSELF AND I'LL RUN THE FUCKING HOT PLATE ON MY FUCKING OWN!

Who cooked the gnocchi?

I did chef.

Yeah, crispy one side and raw. They're raw underneath. [throws the gnocchi away] Hey!

I'll fix it.

Hey, GET OUT! Fix your fucking hair! Fuck off out upstairs, get out! Fuck off!

(interview) Of all the things, fucking gnocchi. Gnocchi of all things.

Garnish is in the window! [brings his garnish to the pass]

Coming to the window with chicken! [brings his chicken to the pass]

[checking Russell's chicken] My fucking head's throbbing! [returns to the workstation] (to Russell) That is raw!

Can I send this one?

Get out, Russell! Get out! Because the chicken's raw! (to Rob) Hey, big boy. One more fuck-up, you're next. Except it won't be up there, it'll be [points at dining room] FUCKING STRAIGHT OUT THERE!

(interview) Chef Ramsay's pissed! Fuming! We're going down like a sinking ship, and there are no lifeboats left.