Batgirl quotes from Harley Quinn

Batgirl

[Discovering Joker in archival CCTV footage] Way to trust your gut Barbara Gordon Junior.

Batgirl

She was a murderer and a potato. So this doesn't technically count as killing.

Batman

Do you still have a million followers?

Batgirl

Actually 1.3 million.

Batman

Yeah, but most of them are bots, right?

Dr. Psycho

Wait, who are you?

Batgirl

Um, Batgirl. Anyway…

Dr. Psycho

All right. You know what? As a community, we should really get together and start coming up with more creative names. This is bullshit.

Harley Quinn

Why are you smiling?! You were seconds away from being puppeted by a leprechaun in a funky hat.

Batgirl

I knew you'd come back, Harley. You may not be a bona fide hero, but you're not as ruthless as you think.

Harley Quinn

[Immediately beats the Mad Hatter to death with her baseball bat] You were saying?

Batgirl

Yeesh! Did you really just kill him to contradict me?

Harley Quinn

I like killing assholes. Don't read into it.

Batgirl

Whatever you say... friend.

Harley Quinn

[Sighs] We are in the area of friendship. We're not making bracelets yet. [Brief silence] We're NOT! Oh, and FYI, when someone texts "LOL period", the conversation is over!

Batgirl

Got it. Where you goin'? Off to do another good deed?

Harley Quinn

LOL PERIOD! [Leaves]

Harley Quinn

Okay, so which way is the Batcave?

Nightwing

What? What is this Batcave you speak of?

Batgirl

Yeah, it sounds, um, scary. Not some place I'd like to go.

Harley Quinn

Guys, I know Bruce is Batman.

Nightwing

Bruce Vilanch is Batman? Wow! Jokes and crime-fighting?

Batgirl

What a guy!

Harley Quinn

Hey, assholes!

Batgirl

[Excitedly] Ooooh!

Nightwing

Harley? What are you doing here?

Harley Quinn

Yeah, with Baty in the clink, I thought you silly rodents might need a little help. Hm? Don't worry, Nightwing. You still got the best looking ass out of all of us.

Nightwing

Mmm, let's give her a chance.

Batgirl

Are you ready?

Harley Quinn

Like in general or is there some specific we need to do?

Batgirl

Welcome to the fam, Harley!

Harley Quinn

Thanks for waiting me, you fucking dildos! [Smiles] I'll take the stairs.

Harley Quinn

Remember this binder from when we fought the CleggBnB guest? Man, that was amazing! I mean, look, it still has some of Yonas's pubes on it!

Batgirl

Harley, maybe focus on the mission?

Harley Quinn

I was thinking that too! Where are you guy's friendship bracelets?

Nightwing

[Leaps off rooftop with Batgirl and Robin] We're not wearing them because we're not friends! [Proceeds to assault common thugs in alleyway] We're just super people who fight crime together!

Harley Quinn

[Leaps onto a thug] Of course we're friends! Just like my old crew! [Points to each crew member ignoring her] Batgirl, you're King Shark! Robin, you're Psycho! Uh, [punches a thug in face] Nightwing, [punches a thug in face] you are Clayface, [kicks a thug in face] because of what a drama queen you are!

Nightwing

Stop talking while we're fighting!

Harley Quinn

See? Such a Clayface!

Harley Quinn

I never realized how bad my night vision was till I started sneaking around in the shadows with you. [Gasps] It does explain why I went down on Ivy's armpit. Meh, she still got there.

[Harley bumps into him] Dude, watch where you're going!

Harley Quinn

Okay, okay. I see what's going on. You haven't let me into your hearts because my eyes suck. [Pokes Nightwing's abdomen]

Nightwing

Don't boop my tummy!

Harley Quinn

[Runs to thug running with a warehouse pallet] I'll protect you! [Jumps past thug and knocks herself out on a pipe]

Harley Quinn

[To Batgirl on the computer in the Batcave] Batgirl, I need to have a very one-sided conversation about my mental state. So, could you... hello?!

Batgirl

Sorry, what?! I can't hear anything with my headphones on. They're for busy girls in loud places, see? [Shows headphone reading "BUSY GRRRLS LOUD PLACES"]

Harley Quinn

So, um, I just wanna, like, talk about last night.

Batgirl

Weird. You didn't bring this up two hours ago when you brought me half an egg sandwich.

Harley Quinn

I did?! I don't remember doing that or eating half an egg sandwich?! Oh, my God. I'm really losing it?!

Batgirl

Okay. Well there's nothing to talk about. I had a nice cold shower, and I'm totally good now.

Harley Quinn

Okay. Well, cool. But I am totally not good. I'm more...

Batgirl

I don't think Joker murdered Nightwing. [Gets up]

Harley Quinn

What?

Batgirl

It doesn't add up. If Joker really did it, why would he wait an entire day to tell everyone?

Harley Quinn

Oh, my God! You're right! He really is the worst at keeping secrets! I mean, he always tells the kids where the afikomen is hidden at passover!

Batgirl

We gotta prove Joker's lying or no one will believe us when we find the actual murderer. Whoa! You look like do-do!

Harley Quinn

Right! That's, kind of, what I was hoping to talk to you about.

Batgirl

Okay, sorry. But I can't be the friend you need right now. I owe it to Nightwing to find the real killer. Can't you talk to Ivy? I'm trying to respect her boundaries and not to bother her with this stuff. Because, you know, she's been busy with...

Harley Quinn

Awesome. You're the best. Thank you. [Walks away]

Batgirl

Please close the door.

Batgirl

[Wheels up in the Cemetery, Interrupting Harley and Ivy making out] Wow, That is messed up.

Harley Quinn

Oh, Come on! My hands weren't even in her pants yet!

Batgirl

I was talking about the moon. [Points to moon]

Harley Quinn

Batgirl did it! We're in!

Superman

What... what are you doing?

Poison Ivy

Mowing down tech, oil and cosmetic pharmaceutical companies in the name of socially conscious evil!

Harley Quinn

Oh, I love the plan, very emotionally cool, obvs, but maybe first, let's evacuate the buildings, huh?

Poison Ivy

I mean, do we really have to, or...

Batgirl

[On phone] I just remotely pulled all the fire alarms in Gotham.

Harley Quinn

Okay, now you're just showing off! [To Poison Ivy] Who are we going to blow up first, hot stuff?

Poison Ivy

Let's rain fire on EWBC! [Harley squeals and slams button] Veronica Cale's company, boom! Talia Wayne's company, boom! That overpriced oyster place that isn't even good, boom!

Talia al Ghul

[Mark Zuckerberg's corpse lands on her window] What the zuck?! What the fuck?

[Clayman is gambling at the Luxor Las Vegas casino] Evacuate the building immediately!

[Looks at phone] Drats! Bankrupt again! Curse you, White Collar Wine! [Detonates casino explosives]

Batman

[Witnesses explosion from prison window] The world needs Batman again. [Snaps finger and prison butler hands him phone] Do it. Call Judge Chase. Tell him his stepdaughter got an internship at WayneTone Records.

I'll have you out by lunch.

Harley Quinn

I love when we're in sync like this.

Poison Ivy

Yeah, like back in '53, when Dizzy Gillepsie [makes trumpet playing gesture] horned it up with Charles Mingus.

Superman

Turn that thing off! You're going to break the moon!