Batman quotes from Harley Quinn

Batman

[Sympathetically] Some things never change, Quinn.

Commissioner Gordon

You're a cancer, Quinn. Spreading from Gotham's lymph nodes into its spleen, and God help us if you get to Gotham's bladder! But I'm the chemo!

Harley Quinn

[to Batman] How long's he gonna keep doing this?

Commissioner Gordon

You're a festering boil, Quinn! A bedsore! A tapeworm that sets up shop in Gotham's lower--

Batman

Jim.

Commissioner Gordon

All right. Where's the Joker?

Harley Quinn

I'll never give up my Puddin'!

Batman

Why are you protecting a psychotic clown that treats you like garbage?

Harley Quinn

Asked the guy who fucks bats.

Commissioner Gordon

HE DOESN'T DO THAT!

Batman

Jim.

Commissioner Gordon

Sorry.

Batman

I'm gonna say something embarrassing here. I didn't have a nemesis until... my late twenties.

Don't patronize me, father, it's unbecoming.

Batman

It's true. I wasn't ready for one. You want your first nemesis to be special. Someone that you can see being your nemesis for the rest of your life.

I suppose you're right, father... When can I start having sex?

Batman

I... think I hear the bat-signal. [Grapples the hooks away]

Batman

I work alone.

Commissioner Gordon

What about me?

Batman

Not now, Jim.

The Joker

Now I know Batman is just some boring rich asshole with parental issues.

Batman

That's really reductive.

The Joker

What is wrong with me?

Batman

You're a sociopathic narcissist!

The Joker

It was rhetorical, asshole! And who do you think you are, a psychiatrist?

Commissioner Gordon

Are you sitting?

Batman

Sometimes I sit.

Commissioner Gordon

Never seen it.

Batman

You don't know everything I do.

Batman

Do you still have a million followers?

Batgirl

Actually 1.3 million.

Batman

Yeah, but most of them are bots, right?

Commissioner Gordon

So... got any plans for tonight, Batman?

Batman

Uhh, stop Joker from blowing up Gotham.

Commissioner Gordon

Yeah! Huh, of course. I meant, like, after that.

Batman

[In flirty tone] Wonder Woman, you look bangin'.

Harley Quinn

What?

Wonder Woman

Batman, are those pecs real or is it just the suit? [Giggles]

Harley Quinn

Gross.

Superman

These pecs are definitely real. Give them a grab. Don't-a be shy.

Harley Quinn

Oh, gross! Did you just spray them with Ivy's love pheromones?!

Wonder Woman

[In seductive tone] Maybe we should see what's under these costumes. [Giggles seductively]

Harley Quinn

Or not! A lot of not! PLEASE, NOT!

Batman

What's with your voice?

Nightwing

What are you talking about?

Batman

It's a bit... overly serious.

Nightwing

I think it's an appropriate amount of... serious.

Harley Quinn

Hey, you never told me stopping baddies is this much fun. Being a hero is supposed to be lame.

Batman

It has its moments. Costume looks good on you, Quinn.

Harley Quinn

You don't think the shorts are too short? I like to show off a lil' something, but come on. This is a thong.

Harley Quinn

Batgirl did it! We're in!

Superman

What... what are you doing?

Poison Ivy

Mowing down tech, oil and cosmetic pharmaceutical companies in the name of socially conscious evil!

Harley Quinn

Oh, I love the plan, very emotionally cool, obvs, but maybe first, let's evacuate the buildings, huh?

Poison Ivy

I mean, do we really have to, or...

Batgirl

[On phone] I just remotely pulled all the fire alarms in Gotham.

Harley Quinn

Okay, now you're just showing off! [To Poison Ivy] Who are we going to blow up first, hot stuff?

Poison Ivy

Let's rain fire on EWBC! [Harley squeals and slams button] Veronica Cale's company, boom! Talia Wayne's company, boom! That overpriced oyster place that isn't even good, boom!

Talia al Ghul

[Mark Zuckerberg's corpse lands on her window] What the zuck?! What the fuck?

[Clayman is gambling at the Luxor Las Vegas casino] Evacuate the building immediately!

[Looks at phone] Drats! Bankrupt again! Curse you, White Collar Wine! [Detonates casino explosives]

Batman

[Witnesses explosion from prison window] The world needs Batman again. [Snaps finger and prison butler hands him phone] Do it. Call Judge Chase. Tell him his stepdaughter got an internship at WayneTone Records.

I'll have you out by lunch.

Harley Quinn

I love when we're in sync like this.

Poison Ivy

Yeah, like back in '53, when Dizzy Gillepsie [makes trumpet playing gesture] horned it up with Charles Mingus.

Superman

Turn that thing off! You're going to break the moon!