Sam I Am quotes from Green Eggs and Ham

Sam I Am

By the way, hope you don’t mind, I helped myself to your toothbrush. Well, our toothbrush, am I right?

Our toothbrush? There is no our toothbrush. There is no our anything!

Sam I Am

What do you mean? We’re a team. Dream team!

Oh, I wish this was a dream. But you have turned my life into a nightmare. Because of you, I’m a felon, I nearly drowned, and you’ve stolen my wallet at least three times! Every moment, I’m with you is a disaster! [changes his pajama hat to his regular hat] So, I’m leaving. Now. Bye.

Sam I Am

But... But!

Sam I Am

Don't worry, big fella. He'll come back.

Gluntz

You're going down, target!

[terrified] NO, NO, NO, NO!!!

Quick question: Shouldn't you know Chickeraffes can't fly, Mr. Wildlife Expert?

Sam I Am

Biology isn't a science, Guy.

You seem really bad at your job.

Michellee

Why do you have a Chickeraffe?

Well... It's an interesting story.

Sam I Am

It really is. Plot twists for days. Binge-worthy.

Michellee

Oh! I knew you were a dangerous man. [Guy nodding “no” in denial] I can’t believe you lied to me. Actually, I can. I just can’t believe I was stupid enough to trust you.

We need to be efficient.

Sam I Am

Got it. Get in, get out.

Right.

Sam I Am

And while we're at it, it wouldn't hurt to fry up a nice green egg or two.

[reproachfully] Sam!

Sam I Am

But have you ever had green eggs and ham with a fox? So good. They really know their eggs.

Sam I Am

You're in luck next time you're stuck in a pit of doom, Guy.

Because I know how to build one of these?

Sam I Am

Nah. 'Cause you gotta have your origin story to tell.

Sam I Am

How about I make it up to you with a bite of these green eggs and ham?

No, thank you.

Sam I Am

Are you sure? They're really good in the dark. The lack of sight truly heightens your other senses. [chews on them loudly] Mmm! Mmm! Those just sound delicious.

I would not like them in the dark.

Stupid, stupid, stupid! I’ve recently committed myself to an eggless existence, but it is not easy. I mean, they’re really good.

Sam I Am

I hear that.

And if Sandra knew I took the...

Sam I Am

Oh, right. Your chick.

Sandra is no one’s chick! She’s very much her own hen, and I respect that.

From one feminist to another, that’s very admirable. So, we’ll just leave these ties and show ourselves out.

Keep the ties. Just promise you won’t say a word to anyone about my one moment of weakness.

Sam I Am

One moment? [yelps]

Our lips are sealed.

Sam I Am

Yes. We swear we will not tell Sandra.

Sandra! She could never hear about this! Because if she did, [retracts his claws] I don’t know what I’ll do.

Sam I Am

Relax. There’s no way Sandra will...

Sandra!

Would you please stop saying...

Sam I Am

Were you gonna say “Sandra”?

Sandra! She makes waking up in the morning worth it! Sandra!

Sam I Am

Let’s get out of here!

Unbelievable. Your stupid hat idea actually worked.

Sam I Am

Y'know, red is really your color.

But we’re still wanted men, and you spent all our money.

Sam I Am

It’ll be fine, Guy. Things always work out in the end.

Oh, yeah, for you. You do whatever you want, and everything always turns your way. Even your police sketch! Looks amazing!

Sam I Am

Thank you.

Tell me, how does it feel to be so yipping lucky?

Sam I Am

You sir, are about to find out.

Sam I Am

Green eggs and ham on a stick? Bestest carnival food ever. Wanna try? They’re really good in a box.

No, I will not eat them in a box. Wait a minute. How did you pay for them?

Sam I Am

I didn’t. I struck up a conversation with the vendor, and he gave them to me for free.

[chuckling] Why wouldn’t they be free? Stuff always turns out fine for Sam. You do wrong and win. I do right, and it all blows up in my face! When her hat landed in my hands, I really thought your luck rubbed off on me. That I received some of that special Sam I-Am mojo. But what happens to me? I end up doused, and soused, and fished, and flattened. And when I try to be honest, suddenly I'm Randy.

Sam I Am

I thought you were Dave.

Never mind! I'm through with you. [burrows himself in the packing foam]

Sam I Am

They’ve got us pegged. We need disguises. [switches hats] Boop!

Switching hats is not a disguise.

I love your hair. Hello.

I probably should’ve led with “hello”.

Michellee

[takes her hat back and puts it on] So you work at the carnival now? Because I thought you were Guy, the exploding inventor. No, wait. Oh, no, no, no. It’s Guy, the Paint Watcher, am I right? No, no, wait a second. No, I forgot. You’re Guy, the wild animal smuggler. Is your name even really Guy?

Yes. My name is...

Randy! [Guy turns around] You’re fired! You and that Dave made a mess of everything!

Michellee

Randy? What kind of a con artist are you anyway?

Sorry. That’s a tickling fish. Long story. [sigh] The truth is... Well, all of it’s true. I was an inventor, and... and now I really do want to be a Paint Watcher. I’m not a felon. I swear. I... I jaywalked once, but... I’m just trying to ensure that poor animal is safe.

Sam I Am

The animal is not safe!

Michellee

Goodbye, Randy.

Welcome to Shvizelton jail. Enjoy your stay. Oh, and you're entitled to one call.

Sam I Am

Okay, one call.

Sam I Am

GUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUYYYYY!

Sam I Am

And who might you be?

It's me, Guy. With a mustache.

Sam I Am

Nice to meet you, guy with a mustache. I'm Sam with a jail hat.

Sam

Guess what they serve here! Green eggs and ham. Try some?

Ugh, no!

Sam

They're surprisingly good with a mouse.

I will not eat them with a mouse. I'm fine with oat mush.

I don't want to eat them with you either, you filthy son of a-

So, what’s the plan?

Sam

Plan? I don’t have a plan.

But the thing where you were like, “Ho, ho, ho! Ha, ha, ha!” And I was like, “Ah, ha, ha, ha.”

Sam

[laughs] Oh, yeah. [laughs] That was funny. Good times.

You said you had a plan. Two-man job. Do you remember that?

Sam

[chuckles] Yeah, two-man jobs are way more fun than one. But no plan. Any ideas?

[groans] I was free. Jenkins and I would’ve been halfway to Meepville by now. But no, I had to turn around and save you. What was I thinking?

Sam

[giggles] Yeah, what were you thinking?

[catching up to Sam on the tower] I'm sorry, but I really do need to arrest you now. Did you find your friends?

Sam I Am

[heaving a heavy sigh] No. I lost them.

[sympathetically] Oh. [kneels down and hugs Sam] May I arrest you now?

Sam I Am

[has been defeated] Yeah. You're a really good hugger.