Green Eggs and Ham quotes

Narrator

And right over there is a narrator muter! I wonder what that does?

Narrator

Wait! Hold on! No! Stop turning the dial, please! I can't...

Sam I Am

Great meeting you, GRRRUMPH!

My name is Guy.

Sam

Huh. That's a weird name.

Ohhhhh.... STUPID INVENTION! STUPID GUY! I! GIVE! UP! (Later) Stupid bus, stupid town, stupid sidewalk... stupid hat.

Sam

So, what'd you fail at?

[gritting his teeth] Would you please just leave me alone?

Sam

[to Guy] I am Sam. Sam-I-Am, of the Glurfsburg I-Ams. Perhaps you've heard of us. What's your handle, partner? [Guy grunts] Grumph! Lovely name. How do you spell that? Is that one "rumph" or two?

So, Sam, I imagine you'll be having the ushe?

Sam

[smiles] If you insist.

[to the diner cook] Green eggs and ham!

Coming up!

Yuck!

Sam

[gasps softly] You don't like green eggs and ham?

[coldly] No, I do not like them, Sam I-Am. I do not like green eggs and ham.

Sam

Understood. Question asked and answered. No further queries necessary. [clicks tongue thoughtfully] Have you ever tried them before?

[sighs] No.

Sam

Well, how can you be so sure you don't like 'em if you've never actually eaten 'em?

Well, I've never eaten Walvark droppings, but I'm pretty certain I wouldn't enjoy those either.

Sam

But green eggs and ham are the most delicious-est, nutritious-est, greenest-est thing in the world, and, P.S., they are especially good here.

[annoyed] That's fantastic, but I don't want them. Here or otherwise.

Sam

Tell you what. [to Donna] Make that two orders, Donna, on me.

[also to Donna, frustrated] No, just oat mush, and a spoon!

Sam

Sad Man Special. [sucks teeth] Suit yourself.

Sam

It's getting late. I should probably be heading home anyway. Got a bunch of friends there waiting for me. Gonna be a real hoot. Possibly a double hoot. [chuckles] I should give you my address in case you and the kitchen staff feel like coming by.

I still have it, Sam. From the last time you invited us?

And the six times before that.

Sam

Oh, yeah. Of course. [for a split second he looks downhearted, but then he flashes Donna another friendly smile] Of course!

Sam

Night Donna!

Goodnight, Sam.

Michellee

Oh, dear. I’m not gonna say, “I told you so”, because I’ve written it down. [holds up a “I told you so” card]

Michellee

Oh, just the thought of that awful device gives me the fizzles. I wouldn’t let my daughter go anywhere near it. [sighs] E.B. is very fragile.

Michellee

So, who’s excited about our big business trip?

Me. I am. Definitely. [hides the fishing pole] But... counterproposal, maybe I could just stay here.

Michellee

But I thought you were looking forward to seeing Meepville.

E.B.

You know, I’m just worried about the big city, where every step is a roll of the dice. Maybe I’d be safer here in boring Glurfsburg where nothing ever happens.

Michellee

Cheese-stuffed bamboo? E.B., this creature is not a pet. It’s terror on four feet!

E.B.

Chickeraffes walk on two feet, Mom.

Michellee

Of course. So they can use the other two to mash their prey into a fine paste. You are definitely coming with me to Meepville, young lady. And yes, the big city can be dangerous. Which is why we have these! [takes out the friendship bracelets] They’re Friendship Bracelets! [E.B. struggles to remove the bracelet and Michellee activates the magnetic pulse of the other]

Genu-ine Friend-ship!

Michellee

Fun! Right? [E.B. groans as Michellee drags her] This way, we can stick together and be safe always, like friends.

Sam I Am

Mmm. Mmm.

Ew... [gags in disgust]

Sam I Am

Mmm... Hey, man, you gotta get in on this! I got enough for both of us!

[raising a hand to stop Sam from peddling the dish] No. I will not eat them in a car.

Sam I Am

Okay. That is an oddly specific stance on the matter. [places the tray on the seat] But I'm gonna keep this edible joy right here for when you change your mind.

[yawning] I've got a better plan.

Sam I Am

Ah, good thinking, trav buddy. You take a load off and get some shuteye. [starts the car and drives on] You are safe and sound with old Sam behind the wheel.

Sam

You just struck me as the kind of guy who's destined for great things!

Well, I hate to disappoint you, Sam-I-Am, but I'm just not that kind of guy.

I'm headed to Meepville to be a Paint Watcher.

Sam I Am

[idly drumming on the steering wheel] Whoa, watching paint dry? Fun! Fun, fun. Fun, fun, fun.

It's not fun. It's a solid, practical, fall-back profession.

Sam I Am

[trying to be supportive but instead sounding sarcastic] Uh-huh. Very solid. Not giving up on your dream at all.

Just... Let me out right here!

Everybody's after this beast! If anyone sees it, We're gonna be in hole lot of trouble!

Sam I Am

Trouble? Relax. I am a licensed wildlife rescuer. Those bad guys wanna sell the poor fella to a collector, whereas I have his best interests in mind.

[dryly] Your mother must be proud.

[talking to Guy over the phone] Eight-three-five... Are you writing? 8351 North Bluff Gluff. North, not South.

[trying to force Mr. Jenkins the Chickeraffe back into the briefcase] Yes. And you're sure that's where he lives? The little man who ordered the green eggs and ham?

Oh, yes! Sam! That's right! You guys are briefcase buddies!

No! We are not briefcase buddies!