Michellee quotes from Green Eggs and Ham

Michellee

Oh, dear. I’m not gonna say, “I told you so”, because I’ve written it down. [holds up a “I told you so” card]

Michellee

Oh, just the thought of that awful device gives me the fizzles. I wouldn’t let my daughter go anywhere near it. [sighs] E.B. is very fragile.

Michellee

Let’s go, young lady. We’re going straight to the Think About What You’ve Done car, where you can think about what you’ve done all the way to Meepville.

Michellee

So, you really think I smell like flowers and cupcakes?

Michellee

So, who’s excited about our big business trip?

Me. I am. Definitely. [hides the fishing pole] But... counterproposal, maybe I could just stay here.

Michellee

But I thought you were looking forward to seeing Meepville.

E.B.

You know, I’m just worried about the big city, where every step is a roll of the dice. Maybe I’d be safer here in boring Glurfsburg where nothing ever happens.

Michellee

Cheese-stuffed bamboo? E.B., this creature is not a pet. It’s terror on four feet!

E.B.

Chickeraffes walk on two feet, Mom.

Michellee

Of course. So they can use the other two to mash their prey into a fine paste. You are definitely coming with me to Meepville, young lady. And yes, the big city can be dangerous. Which is why we have these! [takes out the friendship bracelets] They’re Friendship Bracelets! [E.B. struggles to remove the bracelet and Michellee activates the magnetic pulse of the other]

Genu-ine Friend-ship!

Michellee

Fun! Right? [E.B. groans as Michellee drags her] This way, we can stick together and be safe always, like friends.

E.B.

Mom, slow down!

Michellee

Absolutely not! You never pick up hitchhikers on the side of the road, E.B., or anywhere else for that matter. [activates auto lock and E.B. turns off the auto lock]

E.B.

But, Mom, look at him. The poor guy’s stranded. [Michellee reactivates auto lock and activates the auto lock-auto lock]

Michellee

I will not look at him because taking my eyes of the road would make a dangerous situation even more dangerous, plus the tenor of his voice clearly indicates that he’s a deranged lunatic.

I’m not.

Michellee

Or a drifter hoping to make us pawns in his treacherous ruse.

Also not.

Michellee

And have you even considered the possibility that he’s a felon?

I’m sorry, but if you’re passing on the whole giving me a ride thing, you mind finishing this out of my ear shot? Your judgments are very hurtful.

Michellee

You’re right! That was insensitive of me. Anyway, good luck with the rest of your travel, Mr. Lunatic!

E.B.

Mom, wait!

Michellee

Buckle up your headbelt, sweetie. I’m kicking it into overdrive!

E.B.

Mom, stop!

E.B.

This Bar Car looks super fun!

Michellee

Exactly. Stay close.

E.B.

Like I have a choice.

Sam I Am

Well, allow me to unstranger myself. I am Sam, Sam-I-Am. [Sam takes the menu away from Guy] This is my best friend in the whole world, Guy.

Michellee

Hey, wait a minute. You’re that sad and dangerous inventor who wanted to strap explosives to my child’s back.

E.B.

And the deranged lunatic from the side of the road.

Sam I Am

That’s him! And we are officially unstrangered.

Michellee

I’m sorry about your death trap blowing up.

Oh, it’s fine. I’m transitioning to Paint Watching. Safe, steady, suits me better.

Michellee

Really? I classified you as a... well, a dangerous type.

Oh, no, I’m safe. Dangerously safe.

Michellee

But your travel buddy, Sam, he doesn’t seem safe.

We’re not buddies, travel or otherwise. We just ended up sitting next to, or across from each other.

Michellee

Oh.

You and your daughter headed up to see Mr., uh, you?

Michellee

[chuckles] There’s no Mr. Me.

Oh.

Michellee

I’m on a business trip. The SnerzDay Gala. Certainly couldn’t leave E.B. back in Glurfsburg. Not with that dangerous Chickeraffe on the loose.

I... haven’t heard about that.

Michellee

Oh! It’s really... It’s all over the news. Chickeraffe fever.

What’s, uh, a, uh, chickeroo? [stammers] A chickera?

Michellee

A Chickeraffe.

Michellee

Why do you have a Chickeraffe?

Well... It's an interesting story.

Sam I Am

It really is. Plot twists for days. Binge-worthy.

Michellee

Oh! I knew you were a dangerous man. [Guy nodding “no” in denial] I can’t believe you lied to me. Actually, I can. I just can’t believe I was stupid enough to trust you.

Michellee

Honey, I don’t need you to punish yourself. I just need you to think before you run off like that.

E.B.

But Mr. Jenkins could have gotten hurt.

Michellee

You could have gotten hurt. Please, don’t ever scare me like that ever again.

Michellee

Oh... [chuckles] It’s very pretty.

E.B.

You think?

Michellee

I super think. Such a beautiful landscape.

E.B.

[sighs] It’s not a landscape. It’s a Chickeraffe.

Michellee

Oh. Oh, sure is. I see it now. I especially like how you drew his little foot right there, tearing out that guy’s eyeballs.

E.B.

That’s his nose. And he’s snuzzling me. How many times do I have to tell you? They’re not dangerous. [sighs] It doesn’t matter. I’m not even allowed to have a panda, let alone Mr. Jenkins. [crumbles up the drawing and throws it on the floor.]

Michellee

[picks up the drawing] Why don’t you let me help you with this? You know, your mom, well, she used to be quite a good artist back in the day.

E.B.

No, thanks. I’ll just watch grass grow.

Michellee

Oh, please! Who wants to go to a carnival?

E.B.

I do. Because carnivals are fun, and there’s one right across the road. But you’re ignoring it, because you have no idea what fun is. Because you’re no fun!

E.B.

Now that was legit fun.

Michellee

[sighs] It was. [gives E.B. a bruckle] Here, go get some fabric candy. Get a little bit of everything. Cotton, nylon, flannel, maybe even the poly rayon blend.

E.B.

By myself?

Michellee

Mm-hmm. But I’ll be watching you the whole time.

E.B.

It’s good to have you back.