Green Eggs and Ham · Season 1, Episode 6
Unbelievable. Your stupid hat idea actually worked.
Y'know, red is really your color.
But we’re still wanted men, and you spent all our money.
It’ll be fine, Guy. Things always work out in the end.
Oh, yeah, for you. You do whatever you want, and everything always turns your way. Even your police sketch! Looks amazing!
Thank you.
Tell me, how does it feel to be so yipping lucky?
You sir, are about to find out.
Green eggs and ham on a stick? Bestest carnival food ever. Wanna try? They’re really good in a box.
No, I will not eat them in a box. Wait a minute. How did you pay for them?
I didn’t. I struck up a conversation with the vendor, and he gave them to me for free.
[chuckling] Why wouldn’t they be free? Stuff always turns out fine for Sam. You do wrong and win. I do right, and it all blows up in my face! When her hat landed in my hands, I really thought your luck rubbed off on me. That I received some of that special Sam I-Am mojo. But what happens to me? I end up doused, and soused, and fished, and flattened. And when I try to be honest, suddenly I'm Randy.
[Sam solemnly puts a hand on Guy's knee]
I thought you were Dave.
Never mind! I'm through with you. [burrows himself in the packing foam]
Genu-ine con-vict!
They’ve got us pegged. We need disguises. [switches hats] Boop!
Switching hats is not a disguise.
Oh, please! Who wants to go to a carnival?
I do. Because carnivals are fun, and there’s one right across the road. But you’re ignoring it, because you have no idea what fun is. Because you’re no fun!
Now that was legit fun.
[sighs] It was. [gives E.B. a bruckle] Here, go get some fabric candy. Get a little bit of everything. Cotton, nylon, flannel, maybe even the poly rayon blend.
By myself?
Mm-hmm. But I’ll be watching you the whole time.
It’s good to have you back.
I love your hair. Hello.
[Michellee crosses her arms]
I probably should’ve led with “hello”.
[takes her hat back and puts it on] So you work at the carnival now? Because I thought you were Guy, the exploding inventor. No, wait. Oh, no, no, no. It’s Guy, the Paint Watcher, am I right? No, no, wait a second. No, I forgot. You’re Guy, the wild animal smuggler. Is your name even really Guy?
Yes. My name is...
Randy! [Guy turns around] You’re fired! You and that Dave made a mess of everything!
Randy? What kind of a con artist are you anyway?
[Guy bursts out laughing, Michellee gets irritated, and Guy takes the tickling fish off of him]
Sorry. That’s a tickling fish. Long story. [sigh] The truth is... Well, all of it’s true. I was an inventor, and... and now I really do want to be a Paint Watcher. I’m not a felon. I swear. I... I jaywalked once, but... I’m just trying to ensure that poor animal is safe.
[Sam screams]
The animal is not safe!
Goodbye, Randy.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Green Eggs and Ham pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
