By the way, hope you don’t mind, I helped myself to your toothbrush. Well, our toothbrush, am I right?
GGuy
Our toothbrush? There is no our toothbrush. There is no our anything!
What do you mean? We’re a team. Dream team!
GGuy
Oh, I wish this was a dream. But you have turned my life into a nightmare. Because of you, I’m a felon, I nearly drowned, and you’ve stolen my wallet at least three times! Every moment, I’m with you is a disaster! [changes his pajama hat to his regular hat] So, I’m leaving. Now. Bye.
[Guy shuts the door.]
Don't worry, big fella. He'll come back.
McWinkle: Good morning.
[Guy gasps in horror.]
GluntzYou're going down, target!
GGuy
[terrified] NO, NO, NO, NO!!!
Gluntz
What's the word on the street about the Chickeraffe Bandits?
SNShvizelton Neighbor #3
Oh, no. Here in South Shvizelton, we don't like to gossip.
Gluntz
How about in North Shvizelton?
[She grabs the citizen by the shoulders and places him in North Shvizleton. His expression changes from complacent to nasty]
SNShvizelton Neighbor #3
They caught one of those Chickeraffe boys. Got him locked up in jail. Also, my neighbor Phyllis says her fruit loaf is homemade, but it's really store-bought.
Gluntz
Your adorable son...
...is in serious trouble. If you want to help him, tell us where that ferry is going.
KKaren
Why would I help you? You're the BADGUYS.
Gluntz
Darn right, we are! BADGUY proud!
KKaren
Well, then, I'm not telling you anything. You're bad.
Gluntz
[confused] I'm sorry. One more time?
KKaren
[equally confused] You're... bad?
Gluntz
What? Are you kidding me? [laughs] This lady. No, no, no, no, no. [indicates around McWinkle's grey-speckled middle] We're good.
KKaren
But you're the BADGUYS.
Gluntz
And we are good.
KKaren
No! You and that scary fella are the BADGUYS.
Gluntz
And we're good! See? [presents the business card to Karen]
KKaren
This says "BADGUYS".
Gluntz
Exactly. [flips it over to show the writing on the back of the card] It stands for Bureau of Animal Defense Glurfsburg Upper Yipville Section.
That's a surprise. You got it all wrong. Turns out the BADGUYS have been good all along. I wanted to share that with you for the longest time. You have no idea how hard it was for me not to spoil it! Oh!
KKaren
Okay, to be fair, your name is a little misleading.
Gluntz
Gluntz? I get that a lot. It's a family name, shortened from O'Gluntzenburg by my great-great... ...great-great-great-grandfather. No wait. Sorry, scratch that. It was my great-great... ...great-great-great-great...
Gluntz
So... tell me about your social life. Do you hang out with other goats, or do you like to mix it up?
Gluntz
[blows and sips the coffee] Any hobbies?
Gluntz
Interesting hobby! Do you like board games?
Gluntz
[gasps, throws the coffee at the Goat and throws the mug on the floor] You monster!
Green Eggs and Ham · 121 quotes
