GGuy
Love fails. Always. You get your hopes up, it seems wonderful and then... it blows up, right in your face. Boom! Same as everything else.
GGuy
Quick question: Shouldn't you know Chickeraffes can't fly, Mr. Wildlife Expert?
Biology isn't a science, Guy.
GGuy
You seem really bad at your job.
Why do you have a Chickeraffe?
GGuy
Well... It's an interesting story.
It really is. Plot twists for days. Binge-worthy.
Oh! I knew you were a dangerous man. [Guy nodding “no” in denial] I can’t believe you lied to me. Actually, I can. I just can’t believe I was stupid enough to trust you.
GGuy
We need to be efficient.
Got it. Get in, get out.
GGuy
Right.
And while we're at it, it wouldn't hurt to fry up a nice green egg or two.
GGuy
[reproachfully] Sam!
But have you ever had green eggs and ham with a fox? So good. They really know their eggs.
[to Mr. Jenkins] Sorry, big fella. It's just you and me now, and I am perfectly happy raising you as a strong, single Sam. We don't need a Guy to take care of us.
[Guy bursts into their cabin after an escape from the BADGUYS and Sam throws himself at his feet]
Oh, thank goodness you're back! I missed you so much. I've been a total wreck.
GGuy
[to Mr. Jenkins] I'm not your papa.
[He watches a rainbow - literally tied in a bow]
GGuy
But Sam, he's... he's a bumbling fool, and you need someone to look after you. So, hmm, perhaps, maybe I'll stay a while. You know, just until I know you're safe.
[Mr. Jenkins chirps happily. Guy reaches out and pets him]
GGuy
Guy Jr.
Let’s go, young lady. We’re going straight to the Think About What You’ve Done car, where you can think about what you’ve done all the way to Meepville.
Honey, I don’t need you to punish yourself. I just need you to think before you run off like that.
But Mr. Jenkins could have gotten hurt.
You could have gotten hurt. Please, don’t ever scare me like that ever again.
MMichael
Hey there Sandra.
SSandra
Oh, hey, Michael.
MMichael
I brought you a present. [opens the box] The ones with the caraway center are my favorites.
SSandra
[sighs] I don’t want them. Give ‘em to Terrence.
MMichael
Okay. [gives them to Terrence and eats them]
SSandra
What’s with the tie?
MMichael
It’s for our date tonight. I was thinking ice skating. Maybe a little smooth jazz.
SSandra
It’s a hard pass, Michael.
TTerrence
Michael... I like smooth jazz.
MMichael
Not now, Terrence. Just one date, please. I think that you’re the sweetest, smartest, greenest hen in the whole world!
SSandra
You’re a fox. You eat eggs.
MMichael
[stammers] Not anymore. I haven’t touched an egg in a month. I’m on this cleanse now where all I eat is worms, corn and mud, and I feel amazing! I’ve changed, Sandra. I’m a new fox.
SSandra
Maybe. But you’re still a fox.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Green Eggs and Ham pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.