Sam I Am quotes from Green Eggs and Ham

Sam I Am

[to Mr. Jenkins] Sorry, big fella. It's just you and me now, and I am perfectly happy raising you as a strong, single Sam. We don't need a Guy to take care of us.

Sam I Am

Oh, thank goodness you're back! I missed you so much. I've been a total wreck.

Sam I Am

Your family really seems to like green eggs and ham. Speaking of which, I know we've been through this once or twice, but I thought now might be a good time. They are really good in a house. This one especially. So... it's a maybe then? Right. Am-I's, tell me about Am-You's.

Sam I Am

Great meeting you, GRRRUMPH!

My name is Guy.

Sam

Huh. That's a weird name.

Sam

So, what'd you fail at?

[gritting his teeth] Would you please just leave me alone?

Sam

[to Guy] I am Sam. Sam-I-Am, of the Glurfsburg I-Ams. Perhaps you've heard of us. What's your handle, partner? [Guy grunts] Grumph! Lovely name. How do you spell that? Is that one "rumph" or two?

So, Sam, I imagine you'll be having the ushe?

Sam

[smiles] If you insist.

[to the diner cook] Green eggs and ham!

Coming up!

Yuck!

Sam

[gasps softly] You don't like green eggs and ham?

[coldly] No, I do not like them, Sam I-Am. I do not like green eggs and ham.

Sam

Understood. Question asked and answered. No further queries necessary. [clicks tongue thoughtfully] Have you ever tried them before?

[sighs] No.

Sam

Well, how can you be so sure you don't like 'em if you've never actually eaten 'em?

Well, I've never eaten Walvark droppings, but I'm pretty certain I wouldn't enjoy those either.

Sam

But green eggs and ham are the most delicious-est, nutritious-est, greenest-est thing in the world, and, P.S., they are especially good here.

[annoyed] That's fantastic, but I don't want them. Here or otherwise.

Sam

Tell you what. [to Donna] Make that two orders, Donna, on me.

[also to Donna, frustrated] No, just oat mush, and a spoon!

Sam

Sad Man Special. [sucks teeth] Suit yourself.

Sam

It's getting late. I should probably be heading home anyway. Got a bunch of friends there waiting for me. Gonna be a real hoot. Possibly a double hoot. [chuckles] I should give you my address in case you and the kitchen staff feel like coming by.

I still have it, Sam. From the last time you invited us?

And the six times before that.

Sam

Oh, yeah. Of course. [for a split second he looks downhearted, but then he flashes Donna another friendly smile] Of course!

Sam

Night Donna!

Goodnight, Sam.

Sam I Am

Mmm. Mmm.

Ew... [gags in disgust]

Sam I Am

Mmm... Hey, man, you gotta get in on this! I got enough for both of us!

[raising a hand to stop Sam from peddling the dish] No. I will not eat them in a car.

Sam I Am

Okay. That is an oddly specific stance on the matter. [places the tray on the seat] But I'm gonna keep this edible joy right here for when you change your mind.

[yawning] I've got a better plan.

Sam I Am

Ah, good thinking, trav buddy. You take a load off and get some shuteye. [starts the car and drives on] You are safe and sound with old Sam behind the wheel.

Sam

You just struck me as the kind of guy who's destined for great things!

Well, I hate to disappoint you, Sam-I-Am, but I'm just not that kind of guy.

I'm headed to Meepville to be a Paint Watcher.

Sam I Am

[idly drumming on the steering wheel] Whoa, watching paint dry? Fun! Fun, fun. Fun, fun, fun.

It's not fun. It's a solid, practical, fall-back profession.

Sam I Am

[trying to be supportive but instead sounding sarcastic] Uh-huh. Very solid. Not giving up on your dream at all.

Just... Let me out right here!

Everybody's after this beast! If anyone sees it, We're gonna be in hole lot of trouble!

Sam I Am

Trouble? Relax. I am a licensed wildlife rescuer. Those bad guys wanna sell the poor fella to a collector, whereas I have his best interests in mind.

[dryly] Your mother must be proud.

Listen, Sam, it's time we went our separate ways. [turns around and finds that Sam is not there] Sam? Sam?

Sam I Am

[from over at the station] Relax, best friend! I'm right here!

Sam I Am

This guy. Already gone two seconds and he already misses me. Needy! [heads over to Guy] Here is your ticket and here is your change [presents Guy's wallet]

That's my wallet.

Sam I Am

I figured I deserved a ticket for saving your life. Good news! We've got seventy-seven bruckles left.

We? There is no we.

ALL ABOARD!

Sam I Am

This is so us.

As soon as this train ride is over, we are going our separate ways forever. And we'd better not be sitting next to each other.

Sam I Am

[giggling] I wouldn't dream of it.

Sam I Am

Across is much better. This way we get to look right at each other when we chat.

Sam I Am

They say the eyes are the windows to the soul.

Sam I Am

And... there. I just saw your soul.

Sam

Well, I'll have the green eggs and ham. What do you say, Guy? Give 'em a try? You'd like 'em on a train.

I would not like them on a train. [to waiter] Oat toast. Dry.

One Sad Man's Delight.

E.B.

Green eggs and ham? Gross.

[with cathartic enthusiasm] Yeah! [laughs triumphantly]

E.B.

What?

No, it's just, um, you're a smart child. You have life figured out. Trying new things is the road to disappointment. Let me explain. Let's say you try something new, you might not like it. Or worse, maybe you're allergic to it. You develop a rash. You keep scratching, and it keeps spreading, until eventually, you're more rash than person. People start to call you "rash girl" behind your back. Worst part is, you don't do anything to stop it, because deep down, you know you have become Rash Girl. All because you wanted to try something new.

Sam I Am

Are you Rash Girl?

[indicating furiously to E.B.] No! I was talking about her!

Sam I Am

[whispering to E.B.] Pretty sure he's Rash Girl.

Sam I Am

Where's your mom?

E.B.

In the Boring Car, being boring. What are you doing up there?

Sam I Am

Funny you should ask.

Sam I Am

I'm, uh, sleepwalking! Wow! What a crazy dream this is! I am so not awake right now.

Sam I Am

Well, allow me to unstranger myself. I am Sam, Sam-I-Am. [Sam takes the menu away from Guy] This is my best friend in the whole world, Guy.

Michellee

Hey, wait a minute. You’re that sad and dangerous inventor who wanted to strap explosives to my child’s back.

E.B.

And the deranged lunatic from the side of the road.

Sam I Am

That’s him! And we are officially unstrangered.