I'll die before I join you! I know your weakness, Bill!
BillOh, yeah? And I know a riddle: Why did the old man do this? [holds his arms at his sides vertically]
[copying Bill's pose] "This?" [Bill suddenly turns him into a gold statue]
Bill
Because I needed a new backscratcher. [Laughs with the Henchmaniacs]
That's ENOUGH! Hand over my uncle! [Holds up Journal 3] Or else!
Bill
Now isn't...this...INTERESTING? [teleports right in front of Dipper] My old puppet is back for an encore! [dangles the petrified Ford] You think you can stop me? Go ahead, Pinetree, show me what you got!
[flips through Journal 3] I...uh, I...[sees a blacklight entry on Bill saying "IF HE GAINS PHYSICAL FORM THEN ALL IS LOST!"]
Bill
[mockingly] "I, um, I-" Do it, kid! Do some brilliant thing that takes me down right now! Whaddya got, Pinetree? Everyone's waiting! DO IT!
BILL-! [lunges at Bill, who effortlessly blasts him into a tree. The Henchmaniacs jeer]
Bill
[levitates the Journals] That's right. Don't be a hero, kid! [shows Ford] This is what happens to heroes in my world! [Sets the Journals aflame]
Bill
Not much of a threat now, are you?
[Bill and his friends party in the Fearamid]
Bill
[cackles] Go nuts, guys! When we're done partying, I unveil Phase 2.
[Pounding is heard]
VVoice
Open up! This is the police. Time Police!
Bill
Just play it cool, ditch the time-punch. Let me do the talking.
[The Time Police and Time Baby blast in through the front doors]
LLolph
Bill Cipher, you are in violation of the rules of space-time, and possessing the body of a time officer.
My body is a temple! How dare you!
TBTime Baby
Hear this, Cipher.
Bill
Ugh, Time Baby.
TBTime Baby
If your rip in this dimension continues, it could destroy the very fabric of existence. Surrender now, or face my tantrum.
Bill
[sarcastic] Oh no, a tantrum. Whatever will I do about that? HOW 'BOUT THIS?!?! BOOM!
[He points at Time Baby and the police, instantly vaporizing them; eye turns into a mouth and blows the smoke off his finger]
KKryptos
Ah, snap! He just killed Time Baby! [they all start partying again; Blendin hides behind a pole]
Aw, man! This has gone from bad to worse! I gotta get outta time-dodge! [uses his time tape and disappears]
Bill
Ladies, gentlemen, that creature with like eighty-seven different faces.
CCreature
Eighty-eight different faces.
Bill
Whoa-ho, sorry. Touchy subject. Anyways, it's been fun turning Gravity Falls inside out, rounding up all its terrified citizens and then stacking them into this massive throne of frozen human agony. Don't worry, they're not conscious anymore... probably.
[groans, unfreezes] Uh, my omelettes. They... have friendly faces.
Bill
Whoops. Hehe, back, back you go there. [pats her back, she turns back into stone] But Gravity Falls is just the beginning. It's time to take our chaos worldwide! All right, boys, to the corners of the Earth! Set the world aflame with your weirdness! This dimension is ours! [the creatures fly out of the pyramid] Ah, global domination. I could get used to- [the creatures slam into the forcefield] WHAT?! [flies out and touches the forcefield] Hmm, this might be more complicated than I thought.
PFPaci-Fire
I think I broke something.
Bill
WALK IT OFF!
Bill
All right, can anyone explain to me why, even with our newfound INFINITE POWER, [summons a thunderstorm] none of us can escape the borders of this STUPID HICK TOWN?!? There's some kind of forcefield keeping us in, but who would know how to fix it? [looks at the petrified Ford] Hmm... [his eye cycles through images of the Journals] Maybe someone needs to come out of retirement.
KKeyhole
Bill! Sorry, boss, but Gideon let the Pines family escape! They're inside Mabel's bubble as we speak!
Bill
[laughs] Buddy, Mabel's bubble is the most diabolical trap I've ever created. It would take a will of titanium not to give in to its temptation! Fetch me Gideon and take the rest of the day off. [looks at Mabel's bubble in the distance] Things just got a little more interesting...
Quit the games, Cipher! If I'm still alive, you must want something from me.
Bill
Ah, sharp as ever, Fordsy. As you may have noticed, I've recently had a multidimensional makeover. I control space, matter, and now that that dumb baby's out of the way, time itself. But I wasn't always this way. You think those chains are tight? Imagine living in the Second Dimension: flat minds in a flat world with flat dreams. I liberated my dimension, Stanford, and I'm here to liberate yours. There's just one hitch. As it turns out, my weirdness can't escape the magical confines of this town. There's something keeping me in.
Incredible! Gravity Falls' Natural Law of Weirdness Magnetism - I studied this years ago!
Bill
And did you find a way to undo it?
Of course. There's a simple equation that could collapse the barrier. But I'd never tell you!
Bill
Listen, Ford - if you just tell me that equation, finally your dimension will be free. Anything will be possible! I'll remake a fun world, a better world! A party that never ends with a host that never dies! No more restrictions! No more laws! You'd be one of us. All-powerful! Greater than anything you've imagined! And all I need is your help.
You're insane if you think I'll help you!
Bill
[laughs] I'm insane either way, brainiac! But have it your way! I'll just fish around and get that equation directly out of your mind! [prepares to enter Ford's mind]
Not so fast! You know the rules, Bill. [Bill returns to physical form] You may be able to haunt my dreams, but you can't enter my mind unless I shake your hand and let you in!
Bill
[sighs, chains Ford up] You're making this so much harder than it needs to be. Everyone has a weakness, tough guy! I'll make you talk. It's only a matter of time! [Ford screams]
[After the "Shacktron" defeats Bill's Henchmaniacs]
Bill
Guys, seriously? You had, like, one job to do here.
Bill
...Well, would you look at that! Those kids really care about you. And you care about them. DON'T YOU?
What are you-? Oh. Oh, no!
Bill
Perhaps torturing those kids'll make you talk.
Bill
Last chance: tell me how to take Weirdmageddon global and I'll spare the kids!
Yeah, Bill makes bad deals!
Bill
Don't you toy with me, Shooting Star! [his eye shows an image of a galaxy] I SEE EVERYTHI- [Mabel sprays it with paint] OW! Not again! Why?! Every time!
Bill
I just regenerated that eye!
I know that hurts, because I've accidentally done it to myself! Multiple times!
Bill
You two wait here! I've got some children I need to make into corpses! [morphs into a huge, red, multi-armed form] SEE YA REAL SOON!
No! Wait! No! No! Oh, what do we do? What do we do?!
[frantically bangs on cage bars] Kids!
Bill
All right, Ford, time's up! I've got the kids! I think I'm gonna kill one of them right now, just for the heck of it! EENY... MEENY... MINEY...YOU!
[wearing Ford’s clothes and imitating Ford’s voice] Wait! I surrender.
Bill
Good choice.
[wearing Stan’s clothes and imitating Stan’s voice] Don’t do it Ford! It’ll destroy the universe!
Bill
HAHAHAHA! Oh, even when you're about to die, you Pines twins just can't get along. [drops the cage and ties up Ford]
My only condition is that you let my brother and the kids go!
Bill
Fine!
No! Grunkle Ford! Don’t trust him!
Bill
It's a...DEAL! [Holds Stan's right hand, then enters the mental realm, petrifying his physical form and enters Stan’s mind]
Bill
Oh, I'm here! I'm finally here! Look at this place - a perfect, calm, orderly void. Gotta hand it to you, Ford. You really know how to clean your mi- [opens the door to reveal Stan sitting in a chair playing with a paddleball]
[Makes a clicking sound and points a finger-gun at Bill]
Bill
WHAT?!
Heh-heh, do a pretty good impression of my brother, don't I? Switch clothes and no one can tell us apart. Welcome to my mind. Surprised you didn't recognize it.
[Outside of Stan's mind, Ford pulls out the memory gun and aims it at Stan]
Bill
What?! The deal's off! What the-?! No, no, no, NO!
Oh, yeah. You're goin' down, Bill. You're getting erased. Memory gun. Pretty clever, huh?
Bill
Y-you idiot! Don't you realize you're destroying your own mind too?!
Eh. It's not like I was using this space for much anyway.
Bill
Let me outta here! Let me OUT! Why isn't this working?!
Hey, look at me. [angrily] Turn around and look at me, you one-eyed demon! You're a real wise-guy, but you made one fatal mistake: you messed with my family.
Bill
You're making a mistake! I'll give you anything! Money, fame, riches, infinite power, your own galaxy! PLEASE! No...! WHAT'S HAPPENING TO ME?! [begins rapidly warping between several forms; screams distorted words:] !NRUTER YAM I TAHT REWOP TNEICNA EHT EKOVNI I !NRUB OT EMOC SAH EMIT YM !L-T-O-L-O-X-A STANLEY!!!!!!! [Stan punches Bill in the eye, making him dissolve into nothing with a final scream]
Heh. Guess I was good for something after all.
Gravity Falls · 241 quotes
