Mercedes Jones quotes from Glee

Mercedes

How is the girl with no ass supposed to choose between the juiced-up wolf and the depressed vampire? She is into both of them.

Rachel

Oh come on Mercedes, she just knows.

Mercedes

What if they both make her feel amazing in differents ways?

Rachel

No, you don't get to choose when it comes to true love. True love chooses you. And you better be certain when it comes to marriage, because marriage is a promise and it lasts forever.

Kurt

Ladies, I appreciate you spending time with me while Blaine recovers, but why are you being so weird and serious? Our periods don't come until the end of the month.

Sam

Someday I want to earn enough money to buy my folks a new place so they don't ever have to go through losing their home again.

Mercedes

Yeah, I'm most looking forward to meeting Rachel Berry's children.

Mercedes

Finn, out! You can't see the bride before the wedding.

Finn

It's okay, I've already seen her.

Tina

But that's bad luck!

Rachel

No, it's fine.

Finn

Rachel, we gotta go or we're going to lose our slot.

Rachel

Can we please wait a couple more minutes for Quinn, please?

Finn

It's now or never.

Rachel

[grabs her phone and texts Quinn again]

Burt

[to Hiram] If you're going to do something, do it fast.

Hiram

New plan. I'm going to fake an epileptic seizure.

LeRoy

You're not an epileptic.

Hiram

That's why I'm going to fake it.

Burt

Hurry up.

Quinn

[peeks at her cellphone which reads 2 messages & texts to Rachel "on my way"]

We all know why we're here. I've waited five years for this. I want ideas for Senior Ditch Day. Go.

Kurt

Ooh! A Gershwin/Sondheim scavenger hunt!

Santana

[scoffs] That sounds like torture.

I want actual ideas, Kurt.

Mike

Footloose marathon. Footloose, Footloose 2011.

Mercedes

What about a non-alcoholic pub crawl?

It's Senior Ditch Day, not Senior Citizen's Ditch Day.

Brittany

It's springtime. I would like to see something give birth. [Tina and Quinn smile and giggle.]

Rachel

[begins to cry] Quinn, I'm so sorry. It was my wedding you were going to when you got in your car crash. And you were answering my text message and now we're all sitting here, we're talking about this day that's suppose to be the most amazing and unforgettable day of our high school lives. And we're completely ignoring the fact that she's sitting in that chair. [shakes her head] It's not right. It's not right and it shouldn't be like this.

Quinn

Well, maybe not, but this is the way it is. My accident, which you did not cause by the way, doesn't define me or ruin our senior year. I meant what I said in the choir room. I'm not going to dwell on this and neither should any of you. Okay? [to Rachel] Come here.

Mercedes

Are you gonna argue with our Lord and Saviour Jesus?

Jake

I mean, I'm Jewish.

Mercedes

So was he.

Will

Thank you for coming to the first annual New Directions' Regionals nominations party.

Artie

What's the point, Mr. Schue? Coach Sylvester's one of the judges. She's going to crush us.

Will

Artie, you don't know that.

Santana

Yes, we do, she told us at Cheerios practice.

Brittany

Yeah, she said, "I'm going to crush Glee Club".

A whole freaking year. All that hard work for nothing.

Tina

[Crying] I'm sorry. I just really love you guys. You know how many Facebook friends I had before I joined Glee Club? Two. My parents. Rachel was right. Being a part of something special-it made me special. I just can't believe it's going to be over in a week.

Finn

Wait, who says it's going to be over?

Mercedes

Please. You think Puck and Santana are going to even acknowledge my existence once we're not in Glee Club together anymore?

She has a point.

Rachel

Mr. Schuester? Do you think instead of nominating songs, we can just...all go around the room and talk about things we loved about Glee Club this year? [has tears going down her face]

Rachel

[to Will] So, we have something we need to say to you.

In the beginning of this year I was just another football player.

Tina

I had a stutter.

Mercedes

I was a closeted diva.

Quinn

I used to be captain of the Cheerios.

Mike

I was afraid to dance outside my room.

Santana

I hated everyone in this club.

Brittany

So did I.

Kurt

I wasn't honest about who I was.

I was tossing guys into dumpsters.

Artie

I had never kissed a girl before

Rachel

And I was getting slushied.

Finn

I didn't--I didn't have a father. Someone I could look up to. Model myself after. Someone who could show me what it really meant to be a man.

Rachel

We don't care what the judges say. We won. Because we had you as a teacher.

Mercedes

And Glee Club will never end, Mr. Schue, because you are Glee Club. And you're in all of us now.

Mercedes

Hi Santana! How many solos did you get in glee club last year?

Santana

A few.

Mercedes

One. Valerie. And I loved it.

Santana

I was also the lips in Rocky Horror.

Mercedes

Listen, if you and I were in Shelby's group we'd get all the solos and the duets.

Santana

And why would I care about all girl?

Santana

You know, honestly I wish I could, but somebody's gotta look out for Brittany. I mean, that special place where she lives, yeah it's beautiful, but someone's gotta help her cross the street. I'd never just leave her.

Mercedes

Get her to come with you.

Sugar

Awesome! More back up for me.

Santana

Ok, you know what? I did not just leave one diva-driven glee club to join another, so let me write you a reality check richy bitch - I've seen what you can do, and what you can do is stand in the back, sway, and sing very, very quietly.

Sugar

I, erm…I just - wanted to on the winning team for once?

Mercedes

Then turn down the ‘tude and you will be.