Hiram quotes from Glee

Hiram

So I said, "Leroy, these guys sold us the wrong lube. That's why the rubber is squeaking, that's why it feels so weird when we're going fast."

LeRoy

Hiram, what are we talking about?

Burt

We're talking cars.

Hiram

Shh. Listen. Listen. Shh, listen! Silence. They're not fighting anymore. It's not working. What, is he defiling our baby?

LeRoy

Do you need a Xanax?

Hiram

I already took three. This is a stupid plan. We've never lied to her like this before. Honesty, respect, dance. Those are the foundations of the Berry family.

Hiram

Even Patti Lupone herself couldn't talk Rachel out of marrying Finn.

LeRoy

Barbara could.

Hiram

Maybe Barbara.

Burt

Who's Barbara?

Streisand.

Hiram

Here's what we're gonna do. When the Justice of the Peace says "Does anybody here object?"

Burt

Hell yeah! I do!

Hiram

We will all say "we do". [in singsong] With feeling! Burt! You will run interference with Finn! Carole! You will distract the Justice of the Peace with your feminine wiles. [Carole throws her arms up in annoyance] I will hustle Rachel out the side door and into our waiting car where you, Leroy, will drive, I don't drive, straight to Broadway! And if that doesn't start to get our baby girl back on her career track, I don't know what will. Are we agreed?

Burt

Sounds like a plan.

Mercedes

Finn, out! You can't see the bride before the wedding.

Finn

It's okay, I've already seen her.

Tina

But that's bad luck!

Rachel

No, it's fine.

Finn

Rachel, we gotta go or we're going to lose our slot.

Rachel

Can we please wait a couple more minutes for Quinn, please?

Finn

It's now or never.

Rachel

[grabs her phone and texts Quinn again]

Burt

[to Hiram] If you're going to do something, do it fast.

Hiram

New plan. I'm going to fake an epileptic seizure.

LeRoy

You're not an epileptic.

Hiram

That's why I'm going to fake it.

Burt

Hurry up.

Quinn

[peeks at her cellphone which reads 2 messages & texts to Rachel "on my way"]