Sue Sylvester quotes from Glee

Sue

Glee Club stays for another year. I get what I want. Don't you get how sexual blackmail works?

Sue

I realize my cultural ascendance only serves to illuminate your own banality. But face it, I'm legend. It's happened.

Sue

[to Will] I spent large segments of each day picturing you choking on food, and I recently contacted an exotic animal dealer because I had a very satisfying dream that I once shoved your face into one of those pink-inflamed monkey butts that weep lymph.

Sue

Make sure you use hand sanitizer; I've seen that car you drive. I don't want to catch poor.

Sue

I am literally horny with fear.

Sue

High school is a caste system. Kids fall into certain slots. Your jocks and your popular kids up in the penthouse. The invisibles and the kids playing live-action out in the forest: bottom floor.

Will

And... where do the Glee kids lie?

Sue

Subbasement.

Will

I've got to figure out some way to motivate them.

Emma

Okay, well, you, um you could, well, what about a sticker board? That's how my parents got me to do chores when I was a kid. All right, so I do a chore, and then I get a star, and then-

Sue

Oh, dear God. Please please stop talking. I'm trying desperately to ignore the treacly sweet insanity of your asinine conversation but now I've got bile in my mouth and I will hold my tongue no further. You know what this is? This is a list of my Cheerios. Every week I pick someone at random, and I kick 'em out.

Will

Yeah, well, in Glee club we do things a little bit differently.

Sue

Oh, yeah, Will? How's that workin' out for you? You have to remember something. We're dealing with children. They need to be terrified. It's like mother's milk to them. Without it, their bones won't grow properly. So if you want results with a kid you find that competitive animal within, and unleash it. [to Emma] Oh and that blouse is just insane. [gets up and leaves]

Emma

...Can't believe she's allowed to teach at this school.

Will

I will destroy you.

Sue

I am about to vomit down your back.

Will

It's on.

Sue

This is a travesty of international proportions. You are jeopardizing my Cheerios' role as goodwill ambassadors and I have a call in to the president.

Will

I have a Spanish quiz in which one of your cheerleaders misspelled her name and answered every question with a drawing of a sombrero.

Sue

You can't stand it. You can't stand it to see a woman in power. Your psychosexual derangement would be fascinating Will if it weren't so terrifying!!!

Figgins

Sue, Will did a little research. According to our test records, most of your cheerleaders are functionally illiterate!

Sue

Oh, so what?

Figgins

And why, only last Friday, at the football game they tried to spell out "Go team," and they spelled out "To game."

Will

Since 1992, 95% of your Cheerios should have flunked Spanish and I, for one, am not gonna be a part of it anymore.

Sue

Oh Will we all know about your devotion to that dying language!

Will

Dying language!?!

Sue

Let me break this down for you, okay? I empower my Cheerios to be champions. Do they go on to college? I don't know. I don't care. Should they learn Spanish? Sure, if they wanna become dishwashers and gardeners. But if they wanna be bankers and lawyers and captains of industry, the most important lesson they could possibly learn is how to do a round off.

Quinn

The Cheerios' photo's tomorrow; I want back on that squad.

Sue

Oh, is that what you want? Well, what I wanted was a head cheerleader who wasn't going to hoist her legs behind her ears in the backseat of the first station wagon she could jimmy open, throwing away any chance she ever had in life.

Figgins

I'm very sorry, but Glee Club is over!

Sue

[to Will] It's over!

Figgins

Sue, the directors, both from the Jane Addams Academy and Haverbrook School for the Deaf, have informed me that you gave them the New Directions' set list.

Sue

You have no proof.

Figgins

The set lists were on Cheerios' letterhead.

Sue

I didn't do it.

Figgins

They say, "From the desk of Sue Sylvester".

Sue

Circumstantial evidence.

Figgins

They're written in your handwriting!

Sue

Forgeries.

Figgins

Sue, there is an orgy of evidence stacked against you!

Sue

Well, you've clearly made up your mind not to be impartial in this case.

Bryan

Sue, you're an impressive woman. I can't tell you how much you turn me on right now. You ever heard of the term, "anger sex"?

Sue

It's the only kind I know, Bryan.

Bryan

I should tell you I'm married.

Sue

Not a problem for me.

Bryan

And I'm still cutting half your budget.

Sue

Eh, you win some, you lose some.

Bryan

Should I lock the door?

Sue

No. Got a secret room upstairs – like Letterman.

Will

Look, nobody got hurt, it was a harmless prank.

Sue

That's what they said about a boy in Chicago, in 1871, who thought he'd play a harmless prank on the dairy cow of one Mrs. O'Leary. He successfully ignited its flatulence and a city burned, William. That terrorist went on to become the first gay President of the United States, Abraham Lincoln.

You're gonna have to order something.

Sue

My date will be here any minute.

Your date's not coming. You've been stood up.