Rachel Berry quotes from Glee

Can you two go into the other room and make yourselves busy?

Rachel

Of course.

Finn

Yeah, I'm really good a looking busy.

Kurt

Oh my God, she's good.

Rachel

Oh, this is torture. I should be singing that song!

Rachel

Well, my suspension is officially over. It'll still be on my transcript, though. I'm just hoping that the admissions department at NYADA see it as a sign of my artistic, rebellious attitude.

Quinn

Good luck with that.

Rachel

Are you going to go tell Figgins about Shelby? Because I still think it's a really terrible idea.

Quinn

I came here to talk to you, actually. To tell you I'm not going to tell.

Rachel

Why?

Quinn

Because I love Beth, and I don't want to ruin her life. I wanted to thank you actually.

Rachel

For what?

Quinn

For keeping me from doing something stupid. Something I would have regretted my entire life.

Rachel

[nods and ducks her head shyly then looks up]...We're kind of friends huh?

Quinn

Kind of. What do you think about Yale?

Rachel

Oh no no. I had my sights set on NYADA.

Quinn

No, for me. I'm not the singer that you and Kurt are but Yale has an amazing drama program and I really do like to perform.

Rachel

Yeah!

Quinn

I certainly would nail all the parts where the girl has to cry.

Rachel

[laughs] No I think it's a great idea! I'm especially since you won't have me to compete with. ...You're a lot better than you know.

Quinn

Well..I'll see you at glee club.

Rachel

Wait, w-where are you going?

Quinn

There's a couple people I need to talk to.

Rachel

Ok well, I don't know if you need help with your Yale application..

Quinn

Not with the Yale application but um, there is something you could do for me.

Finn

Who told you this? Kurt?

Rachel

No!

Kurt

[walking by] Yes.

Rachel

[gasps]

Finn

Like the song says all I want for Christmas is you.

Rachel

Aww. All I want for Christmas is you too...and 5 things on that list. [kisses Finn] I love you. [walks away]

Finn

Holy crap, I'm dating Kim Kardashian.

Artie

We begin in the Swiss Alps, in the village of Gustad, in the perfectly appointed living room of Kurt Hummel and Blaine Anderson's chic, swank chalet. The tree, towering and opulent; the fireplace draped in garlands; the stockings bejeweled. Kurt and Blaine, the perfect hosts, have invited their friends to drop in for an evening of Noël Coward-esque, happy, cheer-filled songs!

Rachel

Are you telling me I'm not invited to Kurt and Blaine's for Christmas?

Artie

Not unless you pick a happier song. The evening's festivities conclude with Rory, dressed as the Christmas elf, Itchy, reciting Frosty the Snowman. Start with fun and end with fun. That's how you do it, kids.

Rachel

You gave me a dead pig for Christmas?

Finn

It's not dead yet. You've gotta get it fat first.

Rachel'

I'm a vegan.

Rachel

Oh my goodness! Could it be? Could it be?

Rory

[walks out ringing bell and wearing elf costume]

Itchy the Holiday Elf!

Kurt

We asked our friend Itchy to stop by and read us a light-hearted, heart-warming, upbeat Christmas tale: Frosty the Snowman.

Rory

Actually, I was going to read that, but I searched my heart, and I am going to read one from a different book. I think it's something that's going to remind people what the true spirit of Christmas really is.

Rachel

Are sure you don't wanna read Frosty? We all really wanna hear Frosty!

Rachel

Hey! Look I need your advice, alright, about, about an adult problem.

Quinn

Holy Crap! Are you pregnant?

Rachel

No! Look I'm coming to you as a friend and, oddly because I also think you are the only person that will give me just a straightforward and a thoughtful answer about this.

Quinn

You're right, I'm sorry. Yes, I can keep a secret.

Rachel

Finn, asked me to marry him.

Quinn

[gasps] Well, what did you say?

Rachel

I said I needed to think about it.

Quinn

Well, you can't.

Rachel

Why? Plenty of people get married our age and I know he and I haven't lived together or anything but I love him and he's the one. I know it. [Quinn hands her a folded piece of paper] What's this? [opens it and reads it]

Quinn

My ticket out of here. I got into Yale, early admissions. Turns out my essay about overcoming adversity while maintaining a straight A average during a teen pregnancy really turned on the admissions boards.

Rachel

Quinn, that's amazing. [hugs Quinn] That's so great. [lets go] It's great.

Quinn

I'm sure you'll get your NYADA one soon.

Rachel

Oh. Yeah. I mean, New York mail is notoriously slow, so…

Quinn

My point being is that I've dated Finn, Puck, Sam, even thought I loved some of them. But by the time the snow falls in New Haven next winter, I won't know why.

Rachel

So are are you saying that Finn and I should break up?

Quinn

I'm all for making the most of the next few months, but I'd hate the idea of dragging an anchor from my past into the bright lights of my future. Rachel, you have an amazing life ahead of you. As hard as it may be if you want what you ever dreamed of, you're gonna have to break up with him.

Rachel

That's an awful thing to say.

Quinn

Look, you wanted straight and thoughtful. I guess at one point it made sense to love somebody for your whole life, but it doesn't anymore. Women are finding themselves in their thirties now, every magazine says it. We hardly know what we're going to want in fifteen years.

Rachel

But Finn and I…we can grow together.

Quinn

Look Rachel, I…you and Finn are a lovely couple. But if you really want to be happy, you're going to have to say goodbye.

Mercedes

How is the girl with no ass supposed to choose between the juiced-up wolf and the depressed vampire? She is into both of them.

Rachel

Oh come on Mercedes, she just knows.

Mercedes

What if they both make her feel amazing in differents ways?

Rachel

No, you don't get to choose when it comes to true love. True love chooses you. And you better be certain when it comes to marriage, because marriage is a promise and it lasts forever.

Kurt

Ladies, I appreciate you spending time with me while Blaine recovers, but why are you being so weird and serious? Our periods don't come until the end of the month.

Will

All right, guys! Let me ask you something: where do you think you'll be in the year 2030?

Broadway! (They look at each other) Twinsies!

Artie

Walking.

In jail. Or dead. Or both.

Finn

Hey, I-I kind of need to use the bathroom; it was a really big meal.

Rachel

[uncomfortable] No, you can't do that here.

Finn

Where am I supposed to do it?

Rachel

Umm, at your house?

Finn

Hilarious. I'm just gonna jump in beside you. I don't mind if you stay.

Rachel

Oh, for God's sakes, Finn! Can't you at least try to keep some sort of mystery until we're married?!

Finn

What do you think it's gonna be like in New York?

Rachel

We'll be on opposite schedules, so, you know, you can use the bathroom while I'm at school and I'll use it when you're at...when you're working or what-whatever.

Finn

What's that supposed to mean? You don't think I'm gonna be doing anything in New York? You think I'm just gonna be around to bring you Diet Cokes and cheer you on?!

Rachel

I knew it. I knew one day you'd be intimidated by my success, but I didn't think it would be before we graduated.

Rachel

Where are you going!?

Finn

The bathroom downstairs. I can guarantee one thing you're not gonna have to add to your little crazy-town nighttime ritual, getting into bed with me!!

Sebastian

Well well well, if it isn't a young Barbra Streisand and an old Betty White. Where's Gay Cyclops? Still trying to stumble his way in?

Kurt

We can't come here anymore.

Sebastian

[to Rachel] I brought an engagement gift for you. [hands Rachel an envelope]

Rachel

[opens the envelope, takes out a picture of Finn and gapes in shock] Oh my God! [covers Finn's privates in the picture] That thing is photoshopped! His thing is not that small, or brown!

Kurt

And he could never fit into those pumps.

Sebastian

Just think, from now until eternity, every time someone Googles 'Finn Hudson', they'll be treated to that. And dozens just like it. That's the beauty of the internet. It stays with us forever.

Rachel

What do you want, Sebastian?

Sebastian

I want a guaranteed Regionals win so I want you to drop out. McKinley gets home court advantage this year, and you're gonna come down with Asian bird-flu, or whatever Tina Blowhen-Wang just had.

Rachel

But that is show choir terrorism.

Kurt

You give a bad name to the entire gay community.

Sebastian

And you give the gay community cutting-edge fashions usually only seen on Puerto-Rican Pride floats.

Kurt

I'm sorry, I can't hear you over your giant horse teeth.

Sebastian

You have 24 hours to drop out, Rachel, or I press the 'upload' button. [walks away]

Kurt

I'm looking forward to watching my dad make a difference in Congress.

Rachel

I'm looking forward to being friends with all of you for the rest of my life.

Rory

I know this sounds silly but the peanut butter really is amazing, Mr. Schue. Do you know what I'm looking forward to? Winning at Regionals.

Quinn

Hey, how do I look? Coach Sylvester gave it to me early and I couldn't resist.

Rachel

I'm glad you're happy. Everyone deserves to be happy.

Quinn

When you were singing that song, you were singing it to Finn and only Finn, right? He really does make you so happy. I want to support you, Rachel, and Finn, and come to the wedding. If it's not too late.

Rachel

[smiles widely and hugs Quinn]