Rory Gilmore quotes from Gilmore Girls

Rory

A "D" at Stars Hollow is like an "F" at Chilton. It's worse, it's like a "G" or a... "W".

Lorelai

I'm guessing the spelling test didn't go well either?

Rory

[about going to Chilton] Do you really think I can do this?

Lorelai

I bet you a dollar.

Rory

That's it? That's all my future is worth? 1 dollar?

Lorelai

Well you did get a "D".

Lorelai

The Comedy of Errors... written?

Rory

1590.

Lorelai

Published?

Rory

1698...

Lorelai

Oo, 1623... close.

Rory

How is 1623 close?

Lorelai

You got the 16 part right.

Rory

I was off by 75 years!

Lorelai

Well...anything under a hundred is close.

Rory

What kind of a rule is that?!

Lorelai

I'm running the study session here.

Rory

No. Oh no!

Lorelai

Aww...jeez, such a bad sleeping idea.

Rory

I'm late!

Lorelai

What?

Rory

I'm late, I'm late! I woke up late!

Lorelai

Rory, calm down.

Rory

I can't calm down, I missed my bus. Get up!

Lorelai

Sweety, mommy can't get up right now, mommy's been sleeping at a right angle all night.

Rory

How long have you been dating him?

Lorelai

I haven't! This was going to be the first time.

Rory

And when were you planning on telling me about this? On your wedding day?

Lorelai

No, by the rehearsal dinner at least!

Emily

Yes. So, Rory, your grandfather and I thought it might be nice after dinner for you to go around the house and pick out what you'd like us to leave you in our wills.

Richard

Take a look at that desk in my office. It's a really fine Georgian piece.

Lorelai

Why don't I ever bring a tape recorder to these dinners?

Rory

Oh, well, anything you want to leave me is fine.

Emily

Nonsense. You should have what you like. So look around and when you see something you like stick a post-it on it.

Lorelai

OK, you two have officially hit a new level of weird that even I marvel at.

Emily

You can pick out things too, you know.

Lorelai

Oh, well now it's way less creepy.

Emily

Did you hear that Richard? Apparently we're creepy.

Richard

Yes, well, live and learn.

Lorelai

What's that?

Emily

It's dessert.

Lorelai

It's pudding.

Emily

Well if you knew what it was why did you ask?

Lorelai

You don't like pudding.

Emily

Yes, but you like pudding.

Lorelai

Oh, I love pudding. I worship it. I have a bowl up on the mantel at home with the Virgin Mary, a glass of wine, and a dollar bill next to it.

Rory

I've never had pudding from a crystal bowl before.

Emily

You like the bowl?

Rory

Mmm.

Emily

Put a post-it on it when you're done.

Rory

Mom's famous for her blowouts.

Lorelai

The best one was her eighth birthday.

Rory

Oh yeah, that was good.

Lorelai

The cops shut us down.

Luke

The cops shut down an eight year old's birthday party?

Rory

And arrested the clown.

Rory

So, is this party Grandma's having gonna be a big deal?

Lorelai

Not really. The government will close that day. Flags will fly at half-mast. Barbra Streisand will give her final concert…again. Now, the Pope has previous plans, but he's trying to get out of them. However, Elvis and Jim Morrison are coming and they're bringing chips.

Rory

You ask a simple question…

Lorelai

[whispering as if this is a fairytale] And it's so hard to believe that at exactly this time many moons ago, I was lying in exactly the same position --

Rory

Oh, boy. Here we go.

Lorelai

Only I had a huge, fat stomach and big fat ankles and I was swearing like a sailor--

Rory

On leave.

Lorelai

On leave -- right! And there I was --

Rory

In labor.

Lorelai

And while some have called it the most meaningful experience of your life, to me it was something more akin to doing the splits on a crate of dynamite.

Rory

I wonder if the Waltons ever did this.

Lorelai

And I was screaming and swearing and being surrounded as I was by a hundred prominent doctors, I just assumed there was an actual use for the cup of ice chips they gave me.

Rory

There wasn't.

Lorelai

But pelting the nurses sure was fun.

Rory

Hey. My mom's not wearing any underwear.

Lorelai

Oh!

Rory

Well you aren't.

Taylor

You're just being selfish, Luke.

Lorelai

Still they don't notice. I can't take it anymore.

Taylor

We're talking about the spirit of fall.

Lorelai

What kind of muffin do you want?

Rory

Blueberry.

Luke

You know where you can stick the spirit of fall?

Luke

Here, don't use your hands.

Taylor

I don't think you're taking me seriously.

Luke

What gave you that idea? [to Lorelai, who is leaving] No tip?

Lorelai

Oh, yeah, here's a tip: serve your customers.

Luke

Here's another: don't sit on any cold benches.

Lorelai

Stop saying mother like that.

Rory

Like what?

Lorelai

Like there's supposed to be another word after that.

Rory

Mom! What are you doing in here?

Lorelai

[idly flipping though a magazine] Trying to find the best bathing suit for my bust size?

Rory

Well… get back in there!

Lorelai

[concerned] Why? What happened? Did the bad boy try something?

Rory

He's sitting there, and he's watching the movie, and he's perfect, and he smells really good!

Lorelai

What?

Rory

He smells really good, and he looks amazing, and I am stupid! I said "Thank you"!

Lorelai

Whoa, whoa, whoa. You… you said "Thank you"?

Rory

When he kissed me!

Lorelai

Wai… He kissed you again? What is he, just out of prison or something?

Rory

No, not now. Yesterday? At the store?

Lorelai

Oh, all right. Strike the prison comment. So wait… he kissed you, and you said "Thank you"?

Rory

[disgustedly] Yes!

Lorelai

[sweetly] Well, that was very polite.

Rory

No, it was stupid! And I don't know what I'm doing here, you're sitting here in the kitchen… what kind of chaperone are you?

Lorelai

Me? I'm not trying to be a chaperone. I'm trying to be a girlfriend.

Rory

Well, switch gears, 'cause I'm freaking out here!

Lorelai

You really like him, don't you?

Rory

[troubled] Yeah!

Lorelai

Well, okay then. Just calm down.

Rory

I just don't want to do or say anything else that's gonna be remotely moronic.

Lorelai

I'm afraid once your heart is involved, it all comes out in Moron.

Emily

This is a serious problem. These Friday dinners are the only proper food that child eats all week.

Richard

Rory? Are you in any way malnourished, or in need of some international relief organization to recruit a celebrity to raise money on your account?

Rory

I'm good.

Richard

She's good, Emily.

Emily

Okay, Rory, come in here please.

Rory

[walks in with a bib on her neck, eating tacos, still wearing her boots] Hey Grandma!

Emily

[not amused with what she saw, telling Lorelai] She has lived with you too long.