Rory Gilmore quotes from Gilmore Girls

Lane

You have to look at what a gift says to the other person, not to you. Remember two years ago, I got my mom that perfume?

Rory

Yeah.

Lane

Okay, to me that said, "Hey Mom, you work hard, you deserve something fancy". Now to my mother, it said, "Hey Mom, here's some smelly sex juice, the kind I use to lure boys with", and resulted in me being sent to Bible camp all summer.

Lorelai

Rory, there are only two things that I trust in this entire world. The fact that I will never be able to understand what Charo is saying no matter how long she lives in this country, and you.

Rory

Hopefully not in that order.

Rory

Buttercup is a special dog. She's extremely skittish and tends to react badly towards blonde haired females, brunette males, children of either sex, other animals, red clothing, cabbage or anyone in a uniform.

Lorelai

[to Luke] Hey, we just found the doggy version of you.

Luke

Who's Skippy?

Rory

Skippy was our hamster.

Lorelai

He doesn't care

Luke

[asking curiously] What happened to Skippy?

Lorelai

[Defensively] Nothing happened to Skippy.

Rory

Every time Mom put her hand in his cage, he'd bite her.

Lorelai

And laugh.

Luke

Hamsters don't laugh.

Lorelai

Oh, this one laughed, trust me.

Rory

So finally she got fed up.

Luke

Of being laughed at by a hamster?

Lorelai

Well yeah!

Rory

And she stopped cleaning it's cage. Instead, every day she'd stuff some Kleenex in there.

Luke

You didn't.

Lorelai

It was the quilted kind.

Rory

So this keeps going on and the cage is just a cage full of Kleenex that moves a little, and the smell - really good.

Luke

I can imagine.

Lorelai

No, no, you can't!

Rory

So she takes the cage to the place where we bought him, waits for the sales guy to go behind the desk, and dumps it on the counter, then bolts.

Luke

You abandoned your hamster?

Lorelai

Look, I know it was bad, but this was a vicious hamster. This was like a "Damien" hamster with little beady eyes and a big forked tail and a cape with a hood and... bye bye Buttercup. Bye, Luke.

Rory

You did the right thing.

Lorelai

Uh, I want a pet.

Lorelai

Oh. I want a pet.

Rory

You have me.

Lorelai

You won't bring me my slippers in the morning.

Rory

I might if you had slippers.

Lorelai

Will you wear a collar?

Rory

No.

Lorelai

It'll be pink!

Rory

You're sick.

Rory

I do not want to incur the wrath of Luke.

Lorelai

Why not? It's fun!

Lorelai

I have like six thousand pages of case studies to memorize and this whole big test on the Wal-mart phenomena coming up on Friday and because I have a life, and a job and business school's not the only thing I have to concentrate on, I'm behind and I'll probably fail, and then that little eighteen year old annoying gnat who sits behind me will get another A and make that 'I'm smart, you're dumb' face to me for the rest of the week and I'll be very upset and will possibly cry.

Rory

The music's too loud?

Lorelai

Yes.

Rory

Got it.

Lorelai

Hey, you didn't wake me up!

Rory

I set the clock.

Lorelai

The clock stops ringing when you throw it against the wall, giving me ample time to fall back asleep. You, however never shut-up no matter how hard I throw you against the wall, thus ensuring the wake-up process.

Lorelai

Who wants cheese?

Rory

Are there crackers?

Lorelai

Somewhere in the state of Connecticut, yes, there are crackers.

Rory

And in the Gilmore house?

Lorelai

Who wants cheese?

Rory

Did you find our house okay?

Paris

Your street has no sign on it.

Rory

I told you to turn left at the giant rooster statue.

Paris

I thought you were kidding.

Lorelai

No one kids about Monty!

Lorelai

[about donating clothes] There’s nothing to give up.

Rory

The red and black halter top?

Lorelai

Oh, no.

Rory

Why?

Lorelai

Uh, it’s a classic.

Rory

It’s got rhinestones and zebra stripes on it.

Lorelai

So?

Rory

Tassels.

Lorelai

Yes.

Rory

It has tassels, mom.

Lorelai

Okay, I’ve had this since I was 17.

Rory

Okay, I’m sorry, did I mention the tassels?

Rory

Can brains hurt?

Lorelai

Yes, it's hypochondria hour.

Rory

No, I'm serious. Last night when I was reading my biology chapters I distinctly heard a ping in the vicinity of my brain.

Lorelai

Your brain pinged?

Rory

Yeah. It just went like 'dink'.

Lorelai

Well then, honey, your brain dinked. It didn't ping.

Rory

Well I hardly think a dinking brain is better than a pinging brain.

Lorelai

Ok, how about this? I'll help you. I love to paint.

Luke

You do?

Lorelai

Yes, I do.

Luke

You love it?

Lorelai

I want to marry it.

Luke

You have strange passions.

Rory

She likes washing dishes too. She's multi-faceted abnormal.

Rory

Mother-daughter window washing. We should try that.

Lorelai

Yeah, right after mother-daughter shock treatments.

Christopher

Uh, Diane is ancient history.

Rory

When I met her at Easter you said she could be the one.

Christopher

The one to be gone by Memorial Day.