Rory Gilmore quotes from Gilmore Girls

Rory

Oh my God! Were those gunshots?

Paris

No that was just a car backfiring. The real gunfire actually sounds fake. You'll pick it up eventually. They call it ghetto-ear.

Rory

Something to look forward to.

Paris

I as you know haven't slept through the night since the first time I saw the Wizard of Oz. Thank you Mom.

Paris

Yeah?

UPS. I've got a package for Rory Gilmore?

Paris

From?

Harry and David.

Paris

Great. Fancy fruit.

Rory

Sorry.

Paris

[through the door] Step back from the door and keep your hands where I can see them.

Lorelai

Solaris?

Rory

No. Not again.

Lorelai

I'm telling you there's a story there somewhere.

Rory

Yeah. The story is you, calling yourself Mrs. Clooney for two hours.

Rory

I don't believe it.

What?

Rory

Did you not see those two girls?

No, why?

Rory

They totally checked you out.

They did? Hehe, cool!

Rory

It's the same way with Mom, I swear. I hate having hot parents!

Rory

Having a bad reaction to an onion brick.

Lorelai

What part of onion brick do you not understand?

Rory

I gave dad his tour today. It was nice. He saw the campus. We had dinner.

Lorelai

Oh, how very 7th Heaven of you.

Professor Wallace wants a correction to the interview we printed with him. He wants to clarify that he, in fact, referred to his department's problems with the advisory board as a, quote, us and them thing, unquote.

Rory

What did we print originally?

S & M thing

Lorelai

Oh wow. I was like in a zen, trance. I was totally somewhere else.

Rory

Oooh I was in Greece, where were you?

Lorelai

Bergdoff Goodman.

Rory

When you reach a zen trance you go to Bergdoff Goodman?

Lorelai

To each his own. Thanks Ron, Jerry.

Logan

I didn't know the gym had masseurs.

Lorelai

No, Ron and Jerry work for the laundry service but they have missed their calling.

Luke

You got laundry guys to give you a massage?

Rory

Never underestimate the persuasive powers of Lorelai Gilmore.

Lorelai

And just remember. If things don't go well. We will stop loving you...we'll be rooting for you.

Rory

Well it's not really a root for me kind of thing.

Lorelai

Well we brought foam fingers.

Christopher

And we're planning on doing the wave if things get dull.

Lorelai

Dud? :[hand's Christopher a Milk Dud]

Logan

There you are!

Rory

Here I am.

Logan

I was looking all over for you! I didn't see you when I was walking down the aisle, I looked for you during the ceremony, where were you?

Rory

Here.

Logan

'Here'. You missed the wedding?

Rory

I'll apologize to Honor later.

Logan

Forget Honor, what's going on? Rory?

Rory

You didn't say a word. You just let me walk into a room full of girls you'd had sex with. [Logan closes his eyes] No, wait, I'm sorry. You only had sex with two and then with one of them, you just 'fooled around with', whatever that means. She spared me the exact parameters of the 'fooling around', you wanna fill me in?

Logan

Rory...

Rory

You know what, never mind, got a good imagination, I can figure it out.

Logan

Okay, look.

Rory

I can't believe it. You didn't just cheat on me, you really cheated on me!

Logan

I didn't cheat on you.

Rory

Oh, so you didn't sleep with-?

Logan

No, I did, but we were broken up.

Rory

No, you were broken up, not me, I thought we were just taking some time!

Logan

Apart, not seeing each other.

Rory

Yes: taking some time, not seeing each other for a while, that doesn't mean 'broken up'!

Logan

Oh, come on!

Rory

No! When... To break up, you have to tell the other person, you can't just decide that you're broken up and then just go off and... God, I can't believe I fell for all your stupid tricks! The coffee cart and going to my mother, you went to my mother, why would you bother going through that? You had plenty of back up, what do you need me for?!

Logan

Because I love you.

Rory

No! Don't!

Logan

Rory, I didn't cheat on you, I didn't lie to you!

Rory

You didn't tell me!

Logan

Of course not! Why would I tell you, why would I want you to be hurt and upset and angry?!

Rory

Blondie, Dizzy, I loved the cover, pretending all those girls were all worthless idiots!

Logan

They are worthless idiots, shooting their mouths off in front of you like that!

Rory

It's not their fault!

Logan

It is their fault, they love doing crap like this, causing trouble!

Rory

We were only apart for, like, two seconds and you managed to sleep with every one of your sister's friends! How did you even do that, I mean, did you work them in shifts, were there charts, signals, B-12 shots?!

Logan

I was depressed. I was lonely, I was upset, I've known these girls forever, it was just companionship, okay, it meant nothing!

Lane

I have some really really big news.

Rory

What?

Rory

You've become a shriner?

Lorelai

Rorys here!

Luke

She is?

Lorelai

Yea she's outside bouncing around with Lane.

Luke

How come she came home?

Lorelai

I dunno...bouncing lessons?

Lorelai

You won the Superbowl?

Lorelai

Apparently there's a fight to the death between Richard and Emily and an evil German supercomputer.

Rory

Ooo I wanna hear.

Emily

I thought we paid four thousand dollars for a computer to give us directions, not to babysit us and make decisions for us on how to live our lives. I mean what's next? The radio won't turn on if it doesn't like the song? The engine won't turn on if the cup of coffee I'm holding is too hot? Maybe the car won't go in reverse if it doesn't like the smell of my perfume!

Lorelai

I'm sorry. But after you almost get killed on a plane, and a freeway, why would you choose to go on a crazy, terrifying roller coaster?

Rory

Oh boy

Lorelai

I mean at that point just stay home right?

Rory

It's a horror movie

Lorelai

But it doesn't make sense

Rory

It's not supposed to make sense. It's supposed to make you sick.

Lorelai

Whatever. I'm going over to the inn. Wanna come over and hang?

Rory

No I gotta run some errands. I'll just meet you later.

Lorelai

Alright, but watch out that a streetlight doesn't accidentally break off, swing down, and decapitate you!

Rory

Will do.

Lorelai

I mean why bother even calling it Final Destination 3. At that point just call it Now You're Really, Really, Really Dead!

Lorelai

Ok see I'm sorry. They did not even come up with a villain. No Freddy? No Jason? The villain is death? How lame is that? Who is seeing this movie?

Rory

Apparently we are. Many many times.

Lorelai

But how can they make money like that? Where's the Halloween mask? Where's the costume? How come they keep making the same stupid movie over and over again?

Rory

Cesar, thank God. We need something to put in her mouth.

Lorelai

Two cheeseburgers and a copy of Ziegfield's book. We are missing the Boat.

Lorelai

Ok, weird dream.

Rory

Weirder than the one when you step into the boxing ring and your hands are creampuffs?