Lorelai Gilmore quotes from Gilmore Girls

Rory

Yes but Mr. Nash, you are forgetting about the first pancake phenomenon.

Lorelai

Eh?

Rory

Yes the first pancake you know? You always throw it out...

Lorelai

Why do you throw out the first pancake?

Rory

Cause the griddles too hot it gets burned.

Lorelai

Oh my God. Next year no excuses. We are making you that audition tape for Top Chef.

Sookie

Ooo. Angelina and Brad had their baby. Months and months ago!

Lorelai

Yea you're a little behind the times.

Sookie

This is the problem with having two kids under the age of four. World events just pass you by. I cannot believe Britney is driving with her baby in her lap like that. What is she doing with that guy by the way.

Lorelai

You'll be glad to know they've since broken up. Although turns out he was kinda a stabilizing influence in her life, who knew?

Lorelai

You may have kids who want to study the Bible.

Lane

Trust me, my kids are not going to want to study the Bible.

Lorelai

You don't know what your kids are going to want. Do you think your mom thought she was going to get a kid who loved Jane's Addiction? You might get kids who are nuts for Exodus, crazy for Deuteronomy and then what? You want them hiding their Bibles under the floorboards?

Lorelai

God, I can't believe you bought a boat in a day. It used to take you a week to buy a t-shirt.

Luke

Yeah well, things change.

Rory

Well, I need for it to say more than that. I'm hoping to hear from the San Francisco Chronicle, the Seattle Times, the Detroit Free Press

Lorelai

Well, you can't ask one suit to say so much. You know, why don't you just get the suit that says something local? 'Cause you know those other cities are so far away, so expensive, so tiring. Plus you know you can get a great cup of coffee in New York. I don't know about those other cities. They have crappy crappy coffee.

Rory

Mmm hmm. Like Seattle?

Emily

And he's getting to be a serious pain in the "you know what".

Lorelai

The nose? The ear?

Emily

Would it give you that much pleasure to hear me say "ass"?

Lorelai

Well, I wasn't sure but, yes.

Richard

Emily... Oh, hi, Lorelai.

Lorelai

Hi Dad. Nice threads. You having lunch with Tony Soprano?

Emily

Lorelai, What are you doing?

Lorelai

It's stuffy.

Emily

It's too cold to have the window down.

Lorelai

Mom, just let me have it down.

Emily

Lorelai, stop playing with the window.

Lorelai

I'm not playing with it, I just want it down and you're making it go...are you kidding me? Mother, I'm putting it...I'm putting it...Uh! Mom!

Emily

It's called a child lock, appropriately enough.

Lorelai

I thought you weren't supposed to see the bride in her gown before you got married.

Rory

Yeah, and if the bride sees a lizard crossing the road that's bad luck too.

Oh well, haven't seen a lizard, but too late on the dress because he zipped me up.

Lorelai

Oh no, where's the zip-up on the bad-luck o'meter?

Rory

I'm not sure but we better throw some salt over your shoulders just in case.

Lorelai

I'm not sure if I have salt but I may have some Splenda.

Emily

No, I just wanted to walk you to your room, seeing that this isn't the safest neighborhood.

Lorelai

Mom. Now I feel like I should walk you back to the car. And then you're gonna feel like you should walk me back. And we're going to be stuck in a terrible loop and neither of us has the shoes for that.

Rory

Oh Grandma, you should stay. We're going to get junk food from the vending machine. Watch a movie. C'mon, don't you like Dots?

Emily

Seriously Rory, I can't stay.

Rory

Too late, I'm already getting you a Little Debbie.

Lorelai

I noticed that the Colonial Butterchurners are having an exhibition at the antiquarian society...

Rory

This is the town with the Sistene Chapel right?

Lorelai

Oh yeah, and don't forget to show him the pyramids. You know, kittycorner from the Wailing Wall.

Lorelai

[walks back into Luke's] Hey.

Kirk

Well, well, well. I always suspected this day would come.

Lorelai

Hi, Kirk.

Kirk

You're not getting this seat back.

Lorelai

Huh?

Kirk

You can't. It's mine now. And frankly, I can see why you hogged it for so long.

Lorelai

What?

Kirk

It's clearly the best stool in the joint. It's close to the cash register and the kitchen, which guarantees plenty of face time with the boss. Climate wise, it's positioned between two air conditioning vents, which creates a nice cross ventilation, never...

Lorelai

Kirk, you can have the seat.

Lorelai

Hey.

Luke

Hey. (pause) Coffee?

Lorelai

Yes, please.

Luke

To stay or to go?

Lorelai

Uh...to stay!

Luke

Good! Okay. [reaches around to pour her a cup of coffee]

Lorelai!

Babette

Hi, doll!

It's so nice seeing you back in here.

Lorelai

Thanks.

Babette

It's been a long time. What, nine, ten months?

Lorelai

Yeah something like that.

Kirk

Actually, I can tell you exactly when Lorelai was in here last [pulls out a notebook] cause I marked it in my calendar. May 22, 2006. Stool available. Question mark. It's important to..

Luke

Enough Kirk. [hands Lorelai her coffee] Here you go.

Luke

Here's a news flash for you, okay. Sports cars don't think they're better than other cars! Okay? Hatchbacks do not have SUV inferiority complexes!

Lorelai

Heh. Now who's ridiculous.

Luke

Yeah, and sedans aren't afraid to get dirty!

Lorelai

You know what I think it is? You're hungry.

Luke

What?! No!

Lorelai

Sometimes you get like this when you're hungry.

Luke

I'm not!

Lorelai

[digs in her purse] I think I have some cookies in here. Some Oreos.

Luke

I'm not! Besides I wouldn't eat anything that came out of that bag!

Lorelai

They're in a wrapper. [holds up a baggie of cookies]

Luke

I can't believe you still haven't cleaned that thing out!

Lorelai

Please.

Luke

How much time do you lose a day looking in that thing? Five, ten minutes? Multiply that by a year I bet you gain a month if you just took an hour and cleaned it out. [she smiles at him] What?!

Lorelai

Nothing.

Luke

[in disbelief] You're smiling.

Lorelai

What? No! You've got low blood sugar.

Luke

I do not have--okay. Are you going to buy a car or not?

Lorelai

Not.

Sookie

Close your eyes.

Lorelai

Oh fun!

Sookie

Now, I want you to imagine your dream car. It can be anything you want. You're backing out of the driveway. You're driving through Stars Hollow. "Good morning, Townspeople! Top of the morning to you."

Lorelai

Why am I saying "Top of the morning?"

Sookie

It doesn't matter what you say. It matters what you're in. Can you see what you're in?

Lorelai

I think I can see it!

Sookie

Okay, what kind of car is it?

Lorelai

It's not really a car, it's more of a float.

Sookie

A float?

Lorelai

In a shape of a swan. And I'm dressed all in white.

Lorelai

Oh, you're preparing for the big boat trip, huh?

Luke

Yep.

Lorelai

Wow. Do you want me to just talk in nautical terms till you go?

Luke

No.

Lorelai

Aye, aye, captain.

Luke

Please don't.

Lorelai

Shiver me timbers.

Luke

Are you done?

Lorelai

All hands on deck. Now I'm done.

Luke

Good.

Lorelai

So, where you going?

Luke

Oh we were thinking of heading up the coast.

Lorelai

Oh, well, up is good.

Luke

It should be fun.

Lorelai

You're really going on a boat trip, huh? You sure it's a good idea?

Luke

What's wrong with a boat trip?

Lorelai

Well I mean for starters, you're on a boat.

Luke

So?

Lorelai

So! Anything could go wrong. You're on a boat in the water in the middle of nowhere. Haven't you seen "Dead Calm," "Open Water," "Das Boot"?

Luke

Okay, first of all, I did not purchase a u-boat.

Lorelai

"Titanic", surely you've seen "Titanic."

Luke

April's very excited about this.

Lorelai

Sure she is.

Luke

Here's your coffee.

Lorelai

Look instead of paying for this, can I just give you some of my sage advice?

Luke

I'd rather have the dollar.

Lorelai

April says she's very excited?

Luke

Very excited.

Lorelai

Yeah, she said she's very excited, but if I were you, I would plan a couple nights at a hotel so she can wash her hair and order room service. That's what I would do.

Luke

Okay.

Lorelai

Okay and if you're heading up the coast, you have to spend as much time as possible on the southern coast of Maine.

Luke

Yeah?

Lorelai

And you have to go to Barnacle Billy's.

Luke

Barnacle Billy's?

Lorelai

They have the best lobster you've ever had and you sit on the deck, look at the view -- you never want to leave.

Luke

I'll check it out.

Lorelai

For all that extra advice, don't I get a doughnut? [Luke opens the donut box] Thank you very much.