Futurama · Season 2
[spoken] Now let's all of us shut up and sing!
[singing] He knows when you are sleeping,
[singing] He knows when you're on the can,
[singing] He'll hunt you down and blast your ass from here to Pakistan.
[singing] Oh,
[singing] You'd better not breathe, you'd better not move,
[singing] You're better off dead, I'm telling you, dude.
[singing] Santa Claus is gunning you down!
[Everyone cheers. Farnsworth takes off his lab coat, exposing himself again.]
Merry Xmas, everyone!
Look at you guys. No offence, Fry, but you've become a fat sack of crap.
"Sack"?
And Bender, your beer belly is so big your door won't even close. And that doesn't even make sense.
Co-ed steam rooms! I love the future!
Uh, Fry, you're in the women's steam room.
Ah, futuristic!
[To Leela] Psst, look what life was like before genetic engineering.
Those poor 20th century women.
[Fry crosses his legs, embarrassed.]
We - by which I mean you - will have to rush him to his ancient home world, which will soon erupt in an orgy of invertebrate sex.
Oh, baby! I'm THERE!
Fry, do you even understand the word "invertebrate"?
Nope, but that's not the word I'm interested in. No need to pack pants, people! Let's roll!
Now Fry, it's been a few years since medical school, so remind me. Disemboweling in your species: fatal or non-fatal?
Fatal.
[To Bender] Large bet on myself in round one.
See you at the frenzy, Doctor [He makes a gibberish noise].
Is that how you say "Zoidberg"? [The Decapodian runs off crying]
[angrily] You didn't have to call attention to his speech impediment.
[Zoidberg is unsuccessful in attracting a mate]
Why is Zoidberg the only one still alone?
Because he's a loser, that's why. He's the lobster equivalent of Fry.
Hey, I can any girl I want anytime I want! I'm just too busy.
[He plays with a yo-yo and the string gets tangled. He snarls and starts to untie it.]
[Dr. Zoidberg is attempting to woo Edna, with help from Fry.]
Tell her you just want to talk. It has nothing to do with mating.
[to Edna] I just want to talk. It has nothing to do with mating. [to Fry] Fry, that doesn't make sense.
Dr. Zoidberg, that doesn't make sense. But okay.
Tell her she looks thin.
You seem malnourished. Are you suffering from intestinal parasites?
Why yes! Thanks for noticing.
[to Fry] Now what?
Ask her how her day was.
Why would I want to know that?
You wouldn't. Ask anyway!
My fellow fish monsters, far be it for me to question your stupid civilization or its dumb customs, but is squeezing each other's brains out with a giant nutcracker really going to solve anything? Dr. Zoidberg is my friend, and though a woman has come between us, I say we'll always remain friends. You know why? For one reason...
[Dr. Zoidberg cuts off Fry's arm]
YOU BASTARD! I'LL KILL YOU! YOU BASTARD!
[after the "Frenzy" has finished]
Now how am I going to get rid of my male jelly?
I'll lend you this. [Waves severed arm]
Is today's hectic lifestyle making you tense and impatient?
Shut up and get to the point!
My girlfriend had one of those. Actually it wasn't hers, it was her dad's. And she wasn't my girlfriend, she just lived next door and never closed her curtains.
Fry, remember what we said about ending your stories a sentence earlier?
[Fry, Leela, and Bender are riding in the car with Fry behind the wheel. The car suddenly crashes and the airbags go off.]
Ugh... I think I got whiplash.
You can't have whiplash. You don't even have a neck.
I meant Ass-whiplash.
I'm just glad we hit something, I thought we'd never stop.
[Everyone gets out of the car, and are shocked to see a robot that looks like Bender]
Ugh... I think I got whiplash. [faints]
How's that robot I ran over?
We did all we could...
You mean he's...?
Good as new? Yes!
Good news, everyone. Report to my bedroom for a private exhibition.
[Everyone exchanges worried glances with one another. In his bedroom, Farnsworth sits on his four-post bed and the staff and Flexo gather around]
Everyone get in bed with me. I have something to show you
[Everyone climbs on and Farnsworth presses a button and makes the curtains around the bed close. What goes on inside is hidden from view.]
Feast your eyes on this!
[Everyone gasps.]
It's beautiful!
And huge!
Can I touch it?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Futurama pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
