Futurama quotes

My Lord, the infidels on your back no longer believe in you. They say their prayers go unheeded.

Bender

Of course they go unheeded! How am I supposed to hear prayers coming out of my ass?

Fry

Hmm...finding God. That's important, yeah. But you know what might be a treat for everyone? If you let me use the telescope to find my lost friend Bender.

I don't know what to say, other than... absolutely not! Sure, your loss is a tragedy, but our work...

Fry

Come on, you guys have forever to look for God. All I'm asking is one measly lifetime to find my friend.

He speaks out of love for his friend. Perhaps that love in his heart is God.

Oh, how convenient! A way of looking for God that doesn't require looking through a telescope. Get back to work!

Leela

Oh, no, the monks! We forgot to let them out of the laundry room.

Fry

Do we have to? They're monks, after all. I'm sure their God will let them out, or at least give them more shoes to eat.

Bender

Fat chance! You can't count on God for jack! He pretty much told me so Himself. Now, come on. If we don't free those monks, no one will.

Fry

So that's my story, Father Changstein el Gamahl. Is there anything religion can do?

Well, we could join together in prayer.

Fry

Uh-huh, but is there anything useful we can do?

No.

As a caveman frozen in a glacier, I faced different challenges. [crying] The hardest thing was seeing my wife on display in the British Museum.

There are two kinds of people: sheep and sharks. Anyone who is a sheep is fired. Who's a sheep?

Dr. Zoidberg

Errr, excuse me... which is the one people like to hug?

Gutsy question. You're a shark.

Dr. Zoidberg

Question. Do you have to have been cryogenically frozen to get the free... [the guy closes the door on his face] You didn't let me finish! I was going to say "to get the free food".

Professor Farnsworth

I'll ruin you like I ruined this company!

Leela

Zoidberg owned 51% of the company?

Hermes

The shares were worthless, and he kept asking for toilet paper!

Professor Farnsworth

This isn't a business. I've always thought of it more of a source of cheap labour, like a family.

Hermes

We can't compete with Mom! Her company is big and evil! Ours is small and neutral!

Switzerland is small and neutral! We're more like Germany, ambitious and misunderstood!

Amy

Look, everyone wants to be like Germany, but do we really have the pure strength of will?

Leela

We haven't made a single delivery since you took over!

Delivery has nothing to do with the delivery business!

Scruffy

Now hold on there. Scruffy votes his forty thousand shares for the mysterious stranger.

Leela

Forty thousand? How come you have four times as much stock as the rest of us?

Scruffy

Scruffy believes in this company. [Sniffles]

Leela

Oh my god! I'm a millionare! Suddenly I have an opinion on the capital gains tax!

Hairgel?

Fry

No thanks. I make my own.