I feel like a rat. Here I am whining like a pig while all along Leela is as lonely as a frog.
S2Xmas Story
MMan
Excuse me, sir, you're snowboarding off the trail.
Lick my frozen metal ass!
Please let us live! We'll put out milk and cookies for you!
You dare bribe Santa!? I'm going to shove coal so far up your stocking you'll be coughing up diamonds!
[the Planet Express crew are relaxing at the ski lodge]
It really puts you in the Christmas mood.
What-mas?
Christmas! You know, X-M-A-S.
Oh, you mean "Xmas"! You must be using an archaic pronunciation, like when you say "ask" instead of "axe".
Although, I could get 500 lizards for the same price. Girls like swarms of lizards, right?
Fry's outside? He's in great danger!
Why?
I'm telling you why! Because Santa Claus is coming to town!
SCSanta Claus Robot
You have all been very naughty! Very naughty indeed! Except you, Dr. Zoidberg. This is for you.
A pogo stick!
[spoken] Now let's all of us shut up and sing!
[singing] He knows when you are sleeping,
[singing] He knows when you're on the can,
[singing] He'll hunt you down and blast your ass from here to Pakistan.
[singing] Oh,
[singing] You'd better not breathe, you'd better not move,
[singing] You're better off dead, I'm telling you, dude.
[singing] Santa Claus is gunning you down!
[Everyone cheers. Farnsworth takes off his lab coat, exposing himself again.]
Merry Xmas, everyone!
S2Why Must I Be a Crustacean in Love?
Look at you guys. No offence, Fry, but you've become a fat sack of crap.
"Sack"?
And Bender, your beer belly is so big your door won't even close. And that doesn't even make sense.
Co-ed steam rooms! I love the future!
Uh, Fry, you're in the women's steam room.
Ah, futuristic!
[To Leela] Psst, look what life was like before genetic engineering.
Those poor 20th century women.
[Fry crosses his legs, embarrassed.]
We - by which I mean you - will have to rush him to his ancient home world, which will soon erupt in an orgy of invertebrate sex.
Oh, baby! I'm THERE!
Fry, do you even understand the word "invertebrate"?
Nope, but that's not the word I'm interested in. No need to pack pants, people! Let's roll!
Now Fry, it's been a few years since medical school, so remind me. Disemboweling in your species: fatal or non-fatal?
Fatal.
[To Bender] Large bet on myself in round one.
DDecapodian
See you at the frenzy, Doctor [He makes a gibberish noise].
Is that how you say "Zoidberg"? [The Decapodian runs off crying]
[angrily] You didn't have to call attention to his speech impediment.
[Zoidberg is unsuccessful in attracting a mate]
Why is Zoidberg the only one still alone?
Because he's a loser, that's why. He's the lobster equivalent of Fry.
Hey, I can any girl I want anytime I want! I'm just too busy.
[He plays with a yo-yo and the string gets tangled. He snarls and starts to untie it.]
[Dr. Zoidberg is attempting to woo Edna, with help from Fry.]
Tell her you just want to talk. It has nothing to do with mating.
[to Edna] I just want to talk. It has nothing to do with mating. [to Fry] Fry, that doesn't make sense.
EEdna
Dr. Zoidberg, that doesn't make sense. But okay.
Tell her she looks thin.
You seem malnourished. Are you suffering from intestinal parasites?
EEdna
Why yes! Thanks for noticing.
[to Fry] Now what?
Ask her how her day was.
Why would I want to know that?
You wouldn't. Ask anyway!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Futurama pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.