TV show quotes
My fellow fish monsters, far be it for me to question your stupid civilization or its dumb customs, but is squeezing each other's brains out with a giant nutcracker really going to solve anything? Dr. Zoidberg is my friend, and though a woman has come between us, I say we'll always remain friends. You know why? For one reason...
[Dr. Zoidberg cuts off Fry's arm]
YOU BASTARD! I'LL KILL YOU! YOU BASTARD!
[after the "Frenzy" has finished]
Now how am I going to get rid of my male jelly?
I'll lend you this. [Waves severed arm]
Is today's hectic lifestyle making you tense and impatient?
Shut up and get to the point!
My girlfriend had one of those. Actually it wasn't hers, it was her dad's. And she wasn't my girlfriend, she just lived next door and never closed her curtains.
Fry, remember what we said about ending your stories a sentence earlier?
[Fry, Leela, and Bender are riding in the car with Fry behind the wheel. The car suddenly crashes and the airbags go off.]
Ugh... I think I got whiplash.
You can't have whiplash. You don't even have a neck.
I meant Ass-whiplash.
I'm just glad we hit something, I thought we'd never stop.
[Everyone gets out of the car, and are shocked to see a robot that looks like Bender]
Ugh... I think I got whiplash. [faints]
How's that robot I ran over?
We did all we could...
You mean he's...?
Good as new? Yes!
Good news, everyone. Report to my bedroom for a private exhibition.
[Everyone exchanges worried glances with one another. In his bedroom, Farnsworth sits on his four-post bed and the staff and Flexo gather around]
Everyone get in bed with me. I have something to show you
[Everyone climbs on and Farnsworth presses a button and makes the curtains around the bed close. What goes on inside is hidden from view.]
Feast your eyes on this!
[Everyone gasps.]
It's beautiful!
And huge!
Can I touch it?
Space bandidos have been operating in this quadrant so you'll each take 8-hour shifts guarding the safe. First Bender, then Flexo, then Fry.
Wait, hold on. I don't like the sound of that. Let's just go alphabetically.
OK. First Bender, then Flexo, then Fry.
Wait, let's go by rank.
OK. First Bender, then Flexo, then Fry.
Flexo outranks me?
That's "Flexo outranks me, sir"!
Fry, why are you looking for Flexo in my underpants drawer?
I didn't find him ten minutes ago, so I thought it was time to check again.
Bender?! You stole the atom?
I can explain: It's very valuable.
I saw him snatch it while Fry was asleep. That's why I ran to tell Bob Barker.
Whoa, whoa. Wait a sec. You mean Bender is the evil Bender? I am shocked. Shocked! Well not that shocked.
Hey, tell me something. You've got all this money. How come you always dress like you're doing your laundry?
I guess because my parents keep telling me to be more ladylike. As though!
I've been there. My folks were always on me to groom myself and wear underpants. What am I, the pope?
Yeah, and if you were the pope they'd be all, "Straighten your pope hat." And "Put on your good vestments."
She is well traveled... and I don't mean she travels a lot.
Sorry, I'm not here to buy.
I understand. But it's wonderful that you don't care whether anyone questions your sexual orientation.
I care! I care plenty! But I just don't know how to make them stop!
One word: Thundercougarfalconbird.
Congratulations, Fry! You snagged the perfect girlfriend. Amy's rich, she probably has got other characteristics...
Bender! Romance isn't about money.
Oh, so it's just coincidence that Zoidberg is desperately poor and miserably lonely? Please!
[Zoidberg raises one of his mouth mandibles to protest.]
For your information, it's because he's hideous.
[Zoidberg drops his mouth mandible and slumps sadly.]
Stop, stop! If you interrupt the mating dance, the male will become enraged and maul us with his fearsome gonad!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Futurama pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
