Bender quotes from Futurama

Fry

It's funny, Bender. With you sick and Leela blind, only I know what really went on out there. Maybe someday I'll tell you the whole story.

Bender

And maybe someday I won't listen.

Come, Comrade Bender! We must take to the streets!

Bender

Um, is this the boring, peaceful kind of taking to the streets?

No! The kind with looting and maybe starting a few fires!

Bender

Yes! In your face, Gandhi!

Leela

Great, we're two days from Earth with no food!

Bender

Problem solved: You two fight to the death and I'll cook the loser! [To Leela.] Work his gut, I like it tender.

Fry

Let's bring back a few pocketfuls.

Bender

Better yet, let's take a whole Benderful.

Leela

No, take only what's necessary. Stuff the ship.

The point is, you shouldn't eat things that feel pain.

Ow!

Bender

Okay, we won't eat you.

Leela

I'll go get some more bricks.

Linda

Tonight on Datenight: Popplers. Eating them. Is it alright to? We have with us the CEO of Fishy Joe's, Mr. "Fishy" Joseph Gilman. Noted anti-eating activist, Free Waterfall Jr. And the discoverer of Popplers, Captain Turanga Leela.

Fry

"Turanga"?

Amy

That's her name, Philip.

Bender

"Philip"?

Farnsworth

My God, they're back! We're doomed!

Amy

Doomed!

Bender

[Deep inhale] DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO....

Bender

Who wants some dolphin?

Amy

Dolphin? But dolphins are intelligent!

Bender

Not this one. He blew his life savings on lottery tickets.

Fry

Will you be my friend?

Bender

[holding his hand out to Fry] Put 'er there, pal. [Fry shakes his hand] I meant, your wallet.

Bender

[sees Dr. Zoidberg wrecking havoc] Hey, I call this city! Quit touching my stuff!

Dr. Zoidberg

Tell It To The Claw!

Fry

Are you people satisfied? This gentle visitor is dying, and we'll never even know why he came.

Bender

I'll tell you, with my final breath. I came here with a simple dream: a dream of killing all humans. And this is how it must end? Who's the real seven billion ton robot monster here? Not I. Not... I. [closes his eyes and dies]

Bender

There's nothing wrong with murder, so long as you let Bender wet his beak.

Leela

You're blackmailing me?

Bender

Blackmail is such an ugly word; I prefer "extortion". The "X" makes it sound cool.

Accompaning you will be our top peace negotiator, Henry Kissinger.

How are you?

Bender

Is he any good?

Looking like that, he talked his way into Jill St. John's bed. Enough said.

Hermes

We think it's better if you don't know.

Bender

Oh, come on, I'm not gonna say it. Please? Oh, is it "please"?

Fry

Nope.

Bender

Hmm...words I never say...oh, I know: "Thanks"!

Leela

Bender, stop trying to destroy the world!

Bender

Is it "sorry"? No. "Funder-ful". Umm... "non-alcoholic"? "Compassion"? "Shrimp toast"? "Antiquing?" [lightning flashes, cuts to end credits] I'm alright!

Bender

That painting! The eyes are watching me!

Prof. Farnsworth

It has motorized sensors attached to motion detectors.

Bender

So does my butt, but I don't frame it and put it on the wall. Although...