Killface quotes from Frisky Dingo

Once again, the mall has become my Waterloo. [Grabbing a post] I surrender.

A wise choi-- [She is hit with the post]

And the next one's right in the tit!

[Unable to get his money out of the bank after Phil spends the money he received from suing Killface] Ridiculous! A hundred and eighty dollars for snake oil?

Phillip

Shark oil, and some of that was for the bath salts and add... the luffa.

Oh damn your luffa... [Starts pounding the machine] and damn Xander Crews and damn his snotty back!

Phillip

Yeah, why do you bank here anyway?

[Temporarily with a happier tone] Checking with interest. [Starts pounding the machine again, breaking it] But now this blasted machine tells me my checking account can't be accessed!!

Phillip

Wow, already?

I d- I beg your pardon?

Phillip

Well, we had to freeze your assets. [Killface tries to suppress his anger with a deep breath] Come on, its common sense. I'm sorry, you want some walking around money?

No, I want to go you to the car and get some plasma charges and blow Xander Crews' crummy, little bank to-

Phillip

My loofah, where's my loofah?!

Shut up, Phil.

[blind] I'm quite sure it was a twenty!

Dude, it's a ten.

Oh, is that how you pay for the benzoyl peroxide I smell steaming off your greasy face?

Xander

[Xander has hit the blind Killface with his car] Hey, hey, no no man, don't move, man. I think you got a concussion.

Ow! What happened?

Xander

Hit... hit... hit... and... and they ran... hit and run, plateless gang car.

Oh! On a blind man! Crap! Yes, riding dirty, no doubt... With their... Bubba Kush. Well I, sir, am Killface. And you are in my debt... I'm in your debt.

Xander

Yeah, you have a house.

Yes, let's go to my house. take Naps. Where's my food?

Xander

Yeah, here...

My head... kills.

Xander

Um... this is actually just full of rocks.

Oh, that guy!

Xander

Yeah. [Laughs] ChickParm does that to blind people all the time.

Oh, I hate them!

Xander

Yeah, my girlfriend even did a thing on the news about it-

Is your girlfriend on the news?

Xander

My... what?

Grace Ryan? Wait a minute. Who are you? Shhhhh. You smell that? I smell crickets.

Xander

We should go to your house.

Yes, let's go to my house. Take naps. And y... what's your name? I don't even know your name.

Xander

Um... uh... mmm... Barnaby Jones.

[Beat] Barnaby Jones!

Xander

Yeah.

[Singing] People, let me tell ya 'bout my new best friend, Barnaby Jones! [Long pause] ...Nap.

Xander

You don't know how to do anything!

I know how not to let my son run off in robot pants with a fistful of knifes!

Xander

Yeah, you're a fantastic parent.

You take that back.

Xander

[quietly] Sorry.

This is hopeless.

Xander

Look, don't worry man. At his age, I was like, chronic masturbater. Kinda, kinda still am. But the point is - I like it. I would like to masturbate right now in this car. You know? If I had my stuff with me. I would! What are we even talking about?

I'm talking about searching for Simon!

Xander

Oh.

Hey, you blind guys! You want ride?

Oh, God, thank you. Yes, please.

Xander

[to Killface] Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on, Trusty Rusty. [to Truck Driver] Who even are you?

[hesitatingly] Uhh... The bus!

Xander

Okay. They are the bus.

This bus could use a stick-up.

Xander

[blind] Yeah, it smells like shattered dreams.

Well, a train's not an iron rooster but that's what they call it in China!

Xander Crews

Really?

[Laughs, speaks in chinese] It's a colorful language.

Xander Crews

Oh, that's just crazy China man talk.

Barnaby, make those words English!

Xander Crews

I kinda think he said... death rabbits.

So if I'm here... this way... oh, here's an idea, indicate north. Otherwise it's not a map. It's just a drawing.

Xander Crews

So get this, he didn't even have a car.

Well thank God we sorted that out.

Xander Crews

Yeah.

Now will you please come on!

Barnaby, listen.

Xander Crews

What?

I thought I heard something. [Xander Crews screams and presses against Killface]

Xander Crews

I bet it's a chud.

We really need to get you some pants.

Xander Crews

Yeah, that's not a pickle.

I know. It's your penis.

Xander Crews

My penis? [deepens voice] My penis.

Barnaby...

Xander Crews

Scrinching back!

Xander Crews

So, what's the plan here, big 'un?

Well, first we follow this vented scum pipe to the lair of Torpedo Vegas, where we'll affect ingress through the drain in the men's lavatory. Once past the perimeter, you'll distract the first guard. [Xander is standing naked in front of a guard, rubbing his nipples]

Xander Crews

Oh, me so horny! You distracted?! Oh, you like tea bag, Chinatown?

While I excecute a stealth kill. [Killface comes up behind the guard and snaps his neck]

Ah, so...

Ha ha! Shh shh shh shh shh shh...yes, go see your mommy.

Then I'll face off with Torpedo Vegas mano-a-mano. Probably with katanas. [Killface slashes at Vegas with a katana]

You win this round... Killface... [the top half of his torso begins to slide off.]

Then I'll have a tearful reunion with Simon and we can all go home. Bing bong bing.

Xander Crews

Yeah. My part's kinda gay.

Hah! Wait til you hear Plan B!

Xander Crews

Uh...what's Plan B?

Fleeze, douche bags!

I don't actually have one.