Killface quotes from Frisky Dingo

All right, tell Old Spice thanks for helping us escape… uh the map… Oh! And thanks for these new eyes!

Xander

[in Mandarin] Thanks for your help. And the eyes.

[in Mandarin] The glasses are only temporary.

Xander

Neat!

Oh, this bag of radishes.

Xander

[in Mandarin] Also, thanks for the radishes!

Move over bananas, I found a new source of potassium.

[in Mandarin] There should also be a turnip.

Oh, and tell him… [looks at Xander] you know, you’re really dead handsome.

Xander

[in Mandarin] He says you’re very handsome.

[looks nonplussed at Killface then Xander. In Mandarin] Tell him I have a wife. In China.

Xander

Uh… he says he has a car, in China.

Well, I don’t care about his car!

Xander

Well, I’m not gonna tell him that!

No, do tell him! Tell him that verbatim.

Xander

Owning a car in China has got to be, like, a huge deal! Of course he’s proud!

Barnaby.

Xander

Think how many rags he had to pick!

Time’s a bit of a factor here.

Xander

TELL HIM YOU’RE PROUD OF HIS CAR!

What does it matter what I say?

Xander

Well, he speaks English.

[to Old Spice] You speak English?

Yes.

[walks away] Mm-hmm.

So that's your plan? Break in there, kill all the guards, and rescue Simon?

A simple, logical progression, Barnaby. [They are hit by spotlights]

Fleeze, douchebags!

Yeah... yeah pretty much writes itself.

Pneumatic tubes eh?

Obviously.

Can't put coins in those.

They were very clear on that. I'm not even sure where they go. All I know is that I can't put coins in them can I?

I -

Because I can't put coins in it!

He's like a kid in a candy shop, and that candy is... success. And I'm that friendly man at this cash register with a handle bar mustache *chuckles*

What?

I think I'm missing the key reference.

I can't have people sneaking in here leaking dooky water on my rugs. That's unacceptable.

I HAVE PATTY HEARST SYNDROME!

Barnaby just-

I'm getting furious at you, you don't even have any pants on.

Neither does he!

Well he doesn't have a penis! As far as I can tell...

I - uh -

Yeah, what is the story on that?

Oh, like you can talk.

Xander Crews

Hey, my penis fills an entire tall-boy.

[Scoffing] I'm sure it doesn't fill it.

Don't listen to him, he's crazy!

Xander Crews

Was Patty Hearst crazy when she kidnapped the Lindbergh twins?

Barnaby - just...turn six, alright?

Okay, I'll let you have the kid back if, and this is the part I kinda like, if you two fight to the death.

[Immediately] Done.

What?

Alright, while I think of a plan-

Plan? It was your stupid ass plan that got us into this pickle! Oh, we were supposed to get-

Don't... say it.

Sorry.

Now just try to make the fight look real- [Xander smashes him in the face repeatedly] Yeah, okay, relatively. Okay, okay, Barnaby?

Barnaby, they're not buying it, we're going to have to go to plan B.

Yeah, 'cause you're getting your ass kicked!

And I apologize in advance for this.

Hey dude, what are you- [Killface bites Xander's ear off, Xander screams and falls] Oh, son of a bitch!

My ear! Somebody put it in milk! [Killface spits it out]

What's that?

No no no, they can reattach it! [Stan's clones jump down on the ear and presumably eat it while harrumphing]

Now there's something you don't see everyday.

Oh, you're fuckin' dead.

Yes, that's the spirit, Barnaby. [Xander smashes Killface in the face] Oh you're really selling it.

Oh, what's that? I obviously can't hear you.

Okay, Barnaby?

Hey, I'm Killface, and I have a plan! Let me shoot your fuckin' eyes out! And then, let's wander around a fuckin' sewer our whole lives, looking for my fat ass, weirdo kid!

Hey-

Who just happens to be-

Barnaby-

The world's fattest fucking pussy! [Killface yells and bashes Xander to the ground]

You made me do that! [Steps on Xander's neck]

Well, your kid's still a pussy.

Barnaby-

'Cause you are a failure as a parent.

No, look at his face!

What?

He's got the mind of a child!

Aw.

No, I won't kill my best friend!

I like that. [laughs awkwardly]

Excuse me?

Your words have moved me, Killface. And I'm not a man easily moved. This man, Barnaby Jones, may live.

So, why'd you two sneak into my lair?

I-

Xander Crews

He kidnapped me! I have Patty Hearst Syndrome!

So hey. Thanks for not killing me. Things got a little crazy back there.

Barnaby, how could I kill my best friend?

Yeah...

Barnaby, we're BFF!

Yeah, I am actually [Takes off wig and glasses] Xander Crews!

What!

[runs off] Woo woo woo!